The Princess Complex

As Natalie quickly sheds all signs of babyhood and sprints towards her preschool years, Craig and I are finding ourselves swimming through uncharted waters as we begin to dip into the Disney princess pond.

Apparently, there are people out there that have a lot to say about a little girl's obsession with princesses and everything pink or sparkly.  It's damaging to their self-esteem, one says.  Another bemoans the fact that girls are being set up for unrealistic relationship expectations.  And then there is the camp that believes it shortchanges the capabilities of young women.

And I think to myself...they're just movies.  Cartoon characters on a screen, acting out a pretty predictable story.

I had no idea the beloved movies of my youth were so controversial in today's parenting expert and feminist circles.  But then again, that was the 80s and I do believe that the movie and character marketing scheme was not quite the economical juggernaut back then that it is today.

Sure, I had an Ariel nightgown and played mermaids in the pool with my best-friend Kate....but that's kind of where our obsession stopped.  We understood that the movie we loved to watch was just that - pure entertainment.  It was something fun to watch and use to play imaginatively, but certainly not a lifestyle to which we aspired to live.  Today there are aisles of toy stores devoted to everything pink, sparkly and princessy.  But just because there are those toys available, it doesn't mean that I have to purchase them for my daughter.

I guess my issue with the backlash against Disney princesses is this - why are these critics so quick to underestimate and devalue the importance of the parents in the molding of a young girls self-esteem, values and strength of character?

My views of marriage as a partnership between two people with a deep love and profound trust for each other did not evolve out of memorizing the lines to every song in The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast.  No.  I watched my parents interact every single day in my home.  I saw my father joke playfully with my mother in the kitchen and followed every gentle tease with a sweet kiss on her cheek.  I smelled my mother's Chanel No. 5 perfume as she put on the finishing touches of her outfit for a special night out with my father.  I witnessed years of love, devotion and compromise despite sick children, aging parents and personality differences.

In short, I didn't believe in the fictional "happily ever after" because I was living the real life fairy-tale ending by being a product of my parents love for each other.

When children are so small and impressionable, parents should still be in control of the household.  I set the tone for when we watch movies and the take-away message that Natalie receives.  I can either choose to teach her that women are weak and must have a man to rescue them or I can show her that women are completely capable beings that (if they want) can happily accept a man's company in her life.  I can allow her to be fixated on the prettiness of a princess, or the obvious luxury she enjoys...or I can reinforce the fact that movies are works of fiction and that a life filled with love, respect and joy is worth far more than any beautiful dress or fancy home.  I refuse to give up the power of influence over my daughter to any cartoon character or marketing scheme in the aisles of Target.

So for the time being we are keeping the occasional Disney princess flick as part of our movie library.  A little bit of fantasy combined with catchy tunes and an irresistible love story can be good for a girl and her momma.

Back to school...

I know.  It's July.  And not even the end of July.  But regardless, the "Back to School" section is set up in Target and the clothing commercials are starting to infiltrate my nightly television shows so...here we go.  This fall will be the start of my ninth year in the classroom and I feel like I've gained some sort of wisdom throughout my career.  My personal philosophy towards teaching and educating kids can come down to a few things - hold them to high expectations and teach them how to climb, while still treating them with kindness, dignity and above all, providing ample amounts of grace.  Children are in school for a reason - they are in the process of learning everything they need to know in order to become a fully functioning adult.  Part of these lessons include academics, homework and testing while a whole host of important stuff is intangible - how to treat others, setting personal goals, time-management and overcoming obstacles.  My job is to teach all of this, some through planned lessons and others through how I live my life.  Here are just a few insights into the world of education and children that I think can be helpful or useful to parents.

1. It's all about the JOURNEY and not the destination.

Education in the United States is changing.  Gone are the days when students are simply asked to read, memorize and regurgitate information because we do not need a nation of citizens that can JUST quote the Preamble to the Constitution.  No, instead we need citizens who can break down the words and phrases used, understand their context in history and then apply that meaning to the current state of our nation.  This is where education is moving because our students have access to a limitless amount of information at the click of a mouse or the tap of an app.  So instead of teaching them facts and figures we must teach them to interpret those facts and figures in a way that can benefit humanity in the future.

So how is this going to affect your student?  First of all, assignments and grading are going to change.  Your child's teacher is not going to just be assessing their knowledge, but how they came to gain that knowledge and how they plan on applying it.  We must teach our children how to be faced with a problem or dilemma and then provide them with tools and a path to solve it.  And more than that, students (and their parents!) must understand that learning is a process and just like riding a bike there will be times when a child falls down.  THIS IS OKAY.  The more important thing than just learning how to balance and pedal is having the fortitude to get back on the bike, fix any mistakes and figure out how to get going in the right direction.  A failed assignment or constructive criticism from a teacher is not the end of the world, but instead an opportunity to build determination and endurability by getting back on the proverbial bike.

Secondly, when assessing students' knowledge, any teacher worth their salt understands the power of a varied curriculum.  In every school and in every classroom there are students that just want to do the review, take the test and then move on to the next subject.  And there is nothing wrong with that type of learner.  But then there are also those students who crave the ability to create, design and present.  Assessments must reach both types of learners and therefore, both tests and projects are integral in the modern-day classroom.  Teachers also understand the importance of providing students the opportunity to develop character traits such as determination, attention to detail, focus and conflict resolution.  Large scale projects first aim to demonstrate a students knowledge on a subject but the offshoot is that the student also gains important life skills by working through the process of creating the final product.  So please, please, please...let your students do they work they are assigned because if you do it for them you are robbing them of the opportunity to grow not just academically but emotionally and cognitively.  Some of the moments I love most in the classroom is when I hand back the grades from a large project and there are those students that are on pins and needles, hoping that all their hard work paid off....and when I give them back that A+ a grin spreads across their face, an enthusiastic "yes!" escapes their lips and sometimes there are even fist bumps and squeals.  In that moment I know that my student didn't just demonstrate their learning but they have achieved the purest form of self-esteem - pride and satisfaction with a job well done.  Allow your student to work through this new (and sometimes confusing) process of learning because no matter the size of the step, it is there for a reason - to hopefully develop your child into a critically-thinking lifelong learner who will go on to have a positive effect on the world.


2. Ask the right questions.

We all know the 'W' questions that come with every invitation - the who, the what, the when and the where.  These are simple, basic and easy to Google questions that will provide a baseline of knowledge for you child.  But in this new world of education, answering those questions is not enough anymore.  Getting back to the earlier example of the Preamble, a student must know WHO wrote it, WHAT does it say and WHEN and WHERE was it written before they can dig deeper and use this knowledge in a more meaningful way.

But what does "meaningful" even mean? To keep it short, it's the HOW and the WHY.  How do we know that this document is important and why do we need to understand what it says and the value of those words?  So when your student is coming home with homework, be prepared to help them understand the information by guiding them through it.  Guiding does not mean telling but instead it's providing the right materials while asking the right questions.

Of course you should also be prepared for questions to be thrown right back at you....and don't be afraid of saying very honestly, "I don't know."  I think it is important for kids to understand that adults don't know everything...as long as that "I don't know" is followed up with a "let's look it up" or a "let me think about it for a bit."  Don't just tell your child that education and learning are important, SHOW them that you value discovery, questioning and critical thinking.

3. Utilize your resources.

It's inevitable that at some point in the school year your child will come home with an assignment (most likely math) and you both will have absolutely no idea what to do.  First of all, don't blame your child for not paying attention and don't blame the teacher for not teaching.  In most middle and high schools, classes are only 45 minutes long and after checking homework and explaining a concept, there might not be too much time left over for questions and individual work time.  Also, your child is sitting through eight hours of instruction during the day - that's about eight different teachers setting expectations, assigning homework and covering different concepts.  For the average middle school student that is VERY difficult to keep track of and often what they understood during 3rd period leaves them in a complete state of confusion at 5:00 while sitting at the dinner table working on homework.

So what do you do?  In an effort to save everyone's sanity, try not to argue, accuse or get frustrated but instead use the tools you have...and these days there are far more resources to find answers than just the back of the textbook.  First stop for many middle and high schoolers should be to the Kahn Academy where you will find clear, concise videos explaining any number of topics ranging from the Boston Tea Party to the correct use of transitory verbs or how to simplify a fraction.  For the younger students sign up for a free account on BlogLovin and use the search engine to find grade or subject specific teacher blogs that might provide extra information or even links to solid educational websites.  Just be thorough in your investigation of internet resources - if your gut tells you it's not a legit site that's going to help your student learn, then find one that gives you the warm fuzzies.

Using resources like these doesn't mean that the teacher isn't instructing properly or that your student isn't paying attention...it just means that perhaps something is getting lost in translation and your child might need a different explanation than what he or she is getting in the classroom.  I teach math the way it makes sense to me and I encourage my students to try it my way first, but if they continue to struggle and the examples or explanations I am giving them aren't making sense, why should that student sit there and feel stupid?  The more important thing is that the understand the concept and it really doesn't matter where the instruction is coming from, whether it's the teacher, an older sibling or even a video on the internet.


4. Keep it all in perspective.

Children, especially teenagers, are very emotional creatures with an extremely limited view of the world.  They are inherently selfish and often struggle to see the big picture or put themselves in the shoes of others.  Bear this in mind when listening to the recaps of your child's day and remember that you are hearing things through the lens of a teenager without a fully developed brain.  This does not render their feelings unimportant but instead allows you to take a step back, gain focus and then get a fuller glimpse into their day.  Like my mother always said, there are three sides to a story - yours, theirs and the truth.  So when your child complains about that mean, nasty teacher that didn't let them turn in their homework, or that girl who was so rude to them at lunch for no apparent reason...try to ask questions that will give you a wider lens of what really happened.  "What were the teacher's expectations?  How did you fulfill them?  Is there any way you can resolve this issue?"  or  "Is this girl a friend of yours?  What was your previous interaction like?  How do you think you'll handle things from here?"  No accusations, no picking sides....and I've found that the more open-ended and casual questions you give to a teenager, the more information you will receive in return.  (And another hint - ask the hard hitting questions while driving in the car, washing the dishes or taking the dog for a walk because teens do better communicating the tough stuff when they aren't sitting face-to-face interrogation style.)  Then with a better picture of what is going on, decide whether or not this situation needs adult intervention from the teacher or an administrator.

Which leads me to this...

5. Please...use honey and not vinegar.

Keep in mind when contacting your student's teacher whether by email or telephone that there is a real live person on the other end.  One that most likely works tirelessly to try and provide your student with the best education possible on a very menial budget and with few benefits.  If you have a question about your child's experience in the classroom or a grade that has been earned (because yes, they are earned and not given) please remember to use your honey voice and not vinegar.  Approach your email as a simple inquiry - you're just trying to get a full picture of what is going on, as opposed to a personal attack on the teacher's character and competency in the classroom.  It doesn't matter how long a teacher has been in the classroom, when an email from a parent pops up in the inbox, her stomach starts doing flip-flops...yikes, what have I done now?  Wearing your heart on your sleeve and infusing every ounce of your being into creating a safe and inspiring learning environment for children is at the core of every teacher.  We teach because we love learning and we love making an impact on children.  We care about our communities and the future of our world so much that we are training the next generation of people that will inherit it.  For the most part, the teacher is not the enemy - the teacher and parent share the same goal, which is for the child to be successful both in and out of the classroom.

And you know what's even better than you writing an email?  Empowering your child to approach the teacher.  Most teachers I know are available in their classrooms both before and after school and are more than happy to sit down with a child to discuss a project, test or daily grade.  For a lot of children the idea of approaching their teacher with a concern is absolutely terrifying but so is interviewing for a job or making a presentation to your superiors.  To be honest, there are still times I get nervous when I have to meet with my principal!  But the fact remains, children have the ability to surprise you with their maturity, strength and ingenuity when you give them the opportunity to stand on their own.  Give your children the tools to be successful and then allow them to branch out and speak up for themselves.

Beach Vacation!

We definitely hit the ground running during the month of June...the first two weeks of summer were filled with doctor's appointments, swim classes and even some professional development.  So my little family was definitely ready for some relaxation in the sun when we headed down to the beach the last week in June.  

As Craig and I were discussing potential vacation plans way back in January, I mentioned that my favorite family vacation growing up was actually the summers that we spent renting a cabin on the lake.  But since we don't have a boat (nor did we want to rent one) I suggested that perhaps a beach trip was in order.  Craig took the bull by the horns and immediately began investigating beach house rentals as well as what would be the best beach to visit in Texas.  We also decided to rent a house because Natalie requires three meals a day and that could get expensive rather quickly.  By having a house with a full kitchen I could pack stuff for breakfast, snack and all the in-betweens in an effort to save money.We wanted to stay away from the Galveston area but also didn't want to head down to South Padre because that's a LONG drive with a two-year-old.  So it was settled that we would be vacationing in Rockport, just a little northeast up the coast from Port Aransas and Corpus Christi.  If you have small children I definitely recommend it - a great beach with shallow, clean and clear water and a wonderfully quaint downtown area.

So without further ado....our vacation.

We left the house around 6:00 in the morning because when mapped out on my phone, the trip looked like it would take about six hours...without the necessary stops made to accommodate a two-year-old.  It was actually a beautiful drive - we got off the interstate in Waco and took a two lane highway the rest of the way down to the coast.  It gave us an opportunity to drive through some super cute small towns (some that I immediately Googled and Zillowed to look for job and house opportunities!) as well as take a little side trip where Craig indulged the history nerd in me...

The mission and presidio at Goliad where 300 men who had been captured during the Texas Revolution by Santa Anna's army were executed.  Seeing this historic site really put everything into perspective for me - I was able to see how close these buildings were to each other; how the presidio sits on a hill with an amazing view on the valley below; how the oh-so-important source of water runs right next to both the presidio and the mission.  

I am so thankful that my husband could hear the excitement in my voice as I realized that Goliad was ONLY a thirty minute departure from our route and HOW COOL it would be if I was able to visit this historic site.

Mission Espiritu Santo

The entrance to the presidio near Goliad, Texas.

The chapel at the presidio.

My loves in one of the towers that would hold on-duty soldiers protecting the presidio and mission.

The open yard where most of the 300 soldiers were executed.

Craig was in charge of searching for and narrowing down our choices for beach house and he did an absolutely WONDERFUL job.  The house was right on the water and had enough space so that four adults and one toddler could co-exist quite happily without feeling like we were all on top of each other.

The front of our house.

The view off the front porch down the canal.

My dad and Natalie - these two spent a whole lot of time sitting on that balcony talking about all the different boats and ships that passed by our house.

Those bright blue eyes have faded since her infancy and have settled into a quiet (and meaningful) shade of gray.

Happy to be relaxing on the balcony with my little girl.

There was a lot of THIS on our vacation.

The gorgeous and peaceful view off the back of the house.

Craig and Natalie heading off to the water!

My parents examining the beach.

We typically hit the beach each morning at 10:00 which was late enough to be warm......

but early enough for us to score some sweet shade.

I really think we hit the jackpot - this is one of the prettier beaches I've experienced on the Texas coast.

My whole family digging in the sand.

First time in the water!

The princess child sitting on her throne and chomping on some snack.  Swimming in the water and digging in sand is HARD WORK when you're two!

Since my parents have been so generous with their time and energy since Craig and I had Natalie, we decided to treat them to a delicious dinner at Seafood and Spaghetti Works in Port Aransas.  And of course we also had to do a little driving around and site seeing as well.

Natalie and her dolphins - she actually was able to spot a couple from the back of our beach house!

So happy to spend time with our daughter and my parents.

Granddaddy and Natalie checking out the boats.

Natalie and her Nonna.

Cool girls in our sweet shades taking fun pictures while waiting for our ferry to take us back to the mainland from Port Aransas.

What is a vacation without ice cream!?

Natalie and her daddy cuddling on the couch.

This is one of my absolute favorite pictures of them for a few reasons - first of all, notice her arms...always have to be just like Mommy and Daddy; and secondly...check out that look on her face!  Total love and devotion to her Daddy.

Family selfie!

By the third morning of our stay, we were all a little worn out from sitting in the sun so we headed thirty minutes down the coast and spent a few hours at the aquarium in Corpus Christi.  Of course Natalie loved looking at the fish, dolphins, turtles, alligators and otters.  And I think all four accompanying adults had just as good a time watching Natalie enjoy her animals.

Checking out the USS Lexington which sits in the water across from the aquarium.

Worn out from a morning at the aquarium.

The holy grail of BIG boats for Natalie - a double barge.

This vacation was exactly what Craig and I had been hoping and praying for since we booked it in January.  The perfect location, the perfect house and a wonderful time with my parents and Natalie.

I can't wait for next summer to do it all over again!

Day booking

It's been awhile since I've done one of these and I'm feeling quite introspective, so here we go. 

If you like what I've written and are inspired to create your own, go link up at http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ 
______________________________

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...it's warm and dark.  The cicadas that are the background music to every Texas summer have gone to sleep. 

I am thinking...of all that I learned today at TEKS training through school. Implementing new standards while still preparing my students for the state test AND working in technology will be tough. And exhausting. And overwhelming. But I'm ready. I think. 

I am thankful...for my friend Kristin's safe delivery of her precious baby boy. She and I have been friends since 7th grade basketball and even though we hit a major speed bump in our relationship, things have come full circle and I'm so blessed to call her a dear friend once again. 

In the kitchen...I made something completely and terribly unhealthy, but wonderfully delicious. A combination of Oreos, cool whip, vanilla pudding, cream cheese, milk and powdered sugar. Yum. 

I am wearing...my jammies, as Natalie calls them. 

I am creating...I haven't started decorating it yet, but Natalie has a "think it over" chair in the works that will hopefully provide her a safe spot to stew, cry and whine until she is ready to talk to Momma and Daddy like a big girl. 

I am going...to the new Perot museum in Dallas tomorrow with a friend and her little girl. 

I am wondering...what the future holds for my family. Will we stay where we are at? Will Craig follow his high school coaching aspirations? I wish I had a crystal ball...

I am reading...finishing up my all-time favorite novel and movie....Gone With The Wind. I hate finishing it up because I always hope that Rhett won't leave Scarlett and they'll get their "happily ever after."

I am hoping...for Craig's safety as he travels in the next few weeks for basketball. 

I am looking forward to...my 30th birthday party next month. Just a good dinner with lots of friends, wine and fun. Perfect. 

I am learning...about being a prayerful wife. My husband carries himself with an air of great confidence and security - like he knows exactly who he is and that he's got it all figured out. But in the past six months I've seen snippets here and there of a man who might question himself and his place in this world. I have really committed myself to praying for him more frequently because I can't physically fix the issues, but I can appeal to a higher power on his behalf. 

Around the house...not much is to be done. With both Craig and I being home full-time there are plenty of hands on deck to take care of Tracy collection, laundry, dishes and toy management. 

A favorite quote for today..."I love you Momma Nelson." That is a memory I will keep in my heart forever. 

One of my favorite things...hearing the pure glee in my mother's voice as she described all the fun she and my dad had with Natalie today.  

A peek into my day...

She built a barge...just like the ones we saw on our beach vacation. 

Little Prayers

Over the past few days, due to Craig's basketball tournament schedule, Natalie and I have had quite a bit of Momma-daughter bonding time. 

And we sure did need it. 

I know that all kids go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. And I know that as her mother and the person who felt her (not so tiny) kicks from the inside, there is a bond between the two of us that runs so deep....almost as if our souls are forever linked. 

So during the past week when she would demand for Daddy to hold her and me to "go away" or when she would squeal in protest as I tried to get her dressed....I prayed. Prayers for forgiveness because in those dark and cloudy moments, I truly believed that I had caused the rift in our relationship. That because I wasn't present emotionally in her very first few months of life, that I had somehow damaged our relationship. I prayed for the patience to see this phase through with grace and kindness so that I could show her that a mothers love is unwavering and unbreakable. 

And quite frankly, I might have even prayed for a glass of wine. 

I worried and stressed about the upcoming tournaments when Craig will be out of the house more often than he is home. I prayed that this phase would wash through soon and I would be back in the good graces of our tiniest tyrant. 

Tonight those little prayers were answered. 

We took a bath and played with Ariel while practicing our swimming arms. Good lotion was applied to sweetly soft toddler skin followed by the brushing of delicate curls. We watched Monsters, Inc. while eating popcorn in the big bed. We snuggled under blankets and hugged stuffed animals, baby dolls and one very special plastic dolphin.  And then it was time for bed. 

Ugh. Bedtime. The bane of our existence as of late. Needless to say, I was dreading fighting the good fight all by myself. 

So I laid her in the tiny toddler bed, covered her with her blankness and all her favorite stuffed compadres (and that plastic dolphin) and I got down close to her face. 

"I love you Natalie Nelson."

Without missing a beat, she answered, "I love you Momma Nelson."

I melted and she giggled. 

Prayers have been answered and we are back on track. 

Toddlers and Technology

My school district is in the midst of a complete curriculum and philosophical overdrive in an effort to better prepare kids for their future careers but also to attract and engage every learner in the classroom.  As part of this new focus our district is slowly switching over to Apple products for both teachers and students to utilize for lesson planning, instruction, student discovery and assessment.  

But that's all pretty boring stuff so I'll get to the real reason I brought that up...

We now have two iPads in our house and when you combine that with a very curious two-year-old...there has to be some guidelines, expectations and consequences.  So this is kind of an outline that we've been implementing and using with Natalie as she gets older and more aware of the technology that is found in our everyday lives.

Let me first preface this by saying - Craig and I thought long and hard about introducing not only an iPad to Natalie, but even allowing her to watch television.  Up until her second birthday she really didn't even watch television (nor was she interested) and I was very adamant on the whole NO SCREEN TIME philosophy for her.  I wanted her to be able to play on her own without a piece of technology doing the entertaining.  So for the longest time even our cell phones were off limits (and honestly, they still are!) because I wanted her to understand the concept of waiting to be served food at a restaurant or being patient in the cart during grocery shopping.  So for Natalie to be allowed to play on the iPad is pretty hard for me because I desperately want to avoid that technozombie child.

First things first: KNOW YOUR SETTINGS

There are tons of ways to make your iPad "safe" for toddlers and big kids while they play which will make your life infinitely easier as well as give you some peace of mind.

*Disclaimer - I have ALL my apps in folders because I don't like clutter or messes, nor do I like using more than one screen.*

Go to your settings app and open it up - this is kind of like the "control panel" on a computer.

You want to click first on GENERAL then scroll down to RESTRICTIONS - this is the place where you will hold all the iPad power!

Go ahead and "Enable Restrictions" but don't forget to remember your passcode!

And on another note - all our Apple devices (iPads and phones) are LOCKED and must have a passcode entered before the device can be used.  Therefore when sneaky little hands get their paws on the device...it isn't much fun because they can't access anything!

There's a bunch of different settings and restrictions that you can change once you're into this section but I feel the MOST important is turning OFF the "In-App Purchases" so you can avoid being like these parents whose children ran up thousands of dollars with the "in-app purchase" feature of certain apps.

For the bigger kids who might be watching videos or playing games on the iPad, you can also customize the rating of the game or movie that you don't want them watching (nothing over PG, for example).  

Just beware that when you mess with ALL the restrictions it can sometimes rearrange your apps if you have them all in folders and then you have to spend time reorganizing them and putting them back in nice and neat little folders.  Obviously, I know from experience.  

Secondly: SET EXPECTATIONS AND FOLLOW THROUGH

In the very beginning of our iPad adventure I sat down with Natalie and had a long discussion (as long as you can have with a wiggly two-year-old) about the iPad and the responsibility that came along with it.  

It sounds much more serious than it really was, trust me.

What I really did was show her the basic skills needed - how to open her folder, click on the app and exit out when she was done.  

But more importantly, I looked right in her eye and said very seriously "These are the only games you can play.  If you open a game that is not in this folder, you will lose iPad privileges."

And then Craig and I STUCK.  TO.  IT.

The first few times she was allowed to play on the iPad she definitely tried to open up some of my other folders and she quickly learned that Momma and Daddy were not joking around.  And quite frankly, she also realized that our apps were just not as fun as hers because grown-up apps don't have Elmo, dancing monkeys or funny monsters.  

Of course when she lost her privilege of playing games, she pouted, cried and even stomped off but Craig and I held firm.  We put the iPad out of her reach and became a broken record to her pleas of "PAD!  PAD!  PAD!"  We repeated over and over in the calmest of voices, "You didn't follow the iPad rules so the iPad goes away.  If you want to be upset about this, please go to the stairs and come back when you've calmed down."  And from here I could go off on a tangent about discipline but I'm just going to stop and say this - for the most part, I have a fairly obedient child who wants to make her parents happy by doing the right thing, so this mantra works with her for the time being.

But now that we are several months into iPad territory I am able to let her play on the iPad on the mat in the bathroom while I am taking a shower and she knows her boundaries.  She understands that she has her special folder with that crazy Elmo, that dancing monkey and those funny monsters and that the rest of the iPad is generally off-limits.  

And lastly: TECHNOLOGY IS A PRIVILEGE

When children are very little their life is about cause and effect.  

What will happen when I build a huge tower and then knock it down?  

How many times will Momma pick up my sippy cup after I throw it to the ground?

If I throw a huge fit in the check-out line will I get that chocolate bar?  

What will Momma do if I pop out of bed twenty times after saying "night-night?"  

Although frustrating at times, this is very normal behavior and you can't really control the fact that kids are going to test the boundaries.

Remember Jurassic Park when the highly intelligent velociraptors were testing the different areas of the electric fence to find the weak spot where they could escape?  Yeah.  Little kids are JUST like that.  They're just little baby velociraptors.

But honestly, as parents and adults we cannot control the behavior they choose to have but we CAN control how we respond which will ultimately curb their behavior in the future.  If you give into that candy bar in the check-out line because of a temper tantrum the child has now learned that throwing a fit will get him what he wants.  

So how does this fit in with technology?  We use it as a reward or a treat for following directions and being sweet and respectful, not as a distraction from negative behavior.  It might be five o'clock on a Tuesday night and maybe Natalie has had a really great day so I praise her for all the great behaviors she showed during the day and allow her a little iPad time before dinner.  But if she's been fairly rotten and asks to play a game?  Nope.  Not going to happen.  I really think the key is putting it plainly to the child in cause and effect terms.  "This was the expectation, you did this so here is the reward or consequence."  Even the littles can understand this concept and hopefully by being clear in expectations and following through with consequences or rewards, you can change their behavior for the better in the future.

Sidenote: Love and Logic....best disciplinary strategies EVER.  Useful for both parents of all ages and for teachers.  It really focuses on setting expectations and then allowing the child to hold responsibility for their actions.  This mindset has made my classroom management such a breeze and I rarely ever raise my voice while teaching.  I can't say enough good things about their philosophy.

And in closing...

We don't have this technology and parenting thing completely figured out.  This is one area of raising Natalie that Craig and I feel we are totally in the dark about because it wasn't an issue our parents had to deal with when we were growing up.  I can't look back and tweak what my mother and father did with me and technology because all we had a VCR and a Nintendo.  And that was it.  (And it took a lot of convincing on my brother's part to even get those things!)  

Technology and young children is a wholly 21st century issue and I think as parents we have to be mindful of the impact technology can have on the cognitive, emotional and physical development of a child, both in positive and negative aspects.  But there are also some wonderful things that we can use technology for in this day and age - being able to keep in contact with distant friends and relatives, exploring the world outside our tiny little bubble in the suburbs and helping manage menial everyday tasks while simultaneously reducing disposable waste.

Like I tell my students when they are elected to be group leaders in class - with great power comes great responsibility.  We cannot give our children the great power of technology without handing them the expectations to use it responsibly and then holding them accountable.

And finally...make sure you get a good screen protector because little velociraptor hands are sticky, slimy and snotty.

Bloglovin

Don't forget that Google Reader is disappearing come Monday so be sure to follow my blog with Bloglovin!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin