Wednesday Morning Meltdown

Natalie threw it down today at gymnastics.

It was big, ugly and embarrassing.

And of course it all happened on the day her beloved Nonna came with camera in hand to watch Natalie do gymnastics.

And it was an epic, epic, EPIC fail.

Tears upon entering, then a refusal to do any sort of warm-up which led to me having to go into the gym area and sit against the wall so she would do the activity.  I wasn't pleased with her non-compliance and with having to be THAT mom sitting in the gym, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.

But then it came to the end of class.  Ugh.

She followed another little girl out of the gym for whatever reason and came to sit with me.  Shortly after sitting in my lap the class began gathering together for their end-of-class game which is always finished with a stamp on the hand for each gymnast.

Of course, she wanted to go back in to play the game...so I let her.

But then she came right back out.

And then wanted to go back in.

Oh no.  I was having NONE of that so I looked her square in the eye and told her to make a choice - either go into the gym and play the game or put her shoes on to go home.  She ran excitedly back into the gym....and then promptly laid down on a mat with tears in her eyes.

Done.  I was done.

I marched in there, picked her up off the mat and informed her it was time to go home and that there would be NO stopping at Chick Fil-A today.  And if that didn't upset her enough, as I was putting on her shoes, she saw all the kids lining up to get their stamps.  Not upsetting in and of itself obviously, but she was absolutely pushed over the edge when I told her that she was not getting a stamp today.

Wherever you are right now as you read this...I'm sure you could hear her wails.  I was the WORST.  MOMMY.  EVER.  because I didn't let her get the stamp.  Was that a little harsh for a two-year-old?  Perhaps some people might say so, but in my world-view...if you don't do the work, then you don't get to reap the rewards.  Parenting for the next eighteen years compared to the next five minutes.  Sounds good on paper but sometimes the most difficult thing to enforce.

But it was so hard.  Because she was so outrageously angry.  And my mother was there to see the whole thing go down.  Natalie screamed on the way home - "Nastics!  Stamp!"  She was begging for a re-do - an opportunity to go back and do what she knows she is supposed to do.

The fit carried the entire way back home, into the house and didn't stop until Craig came home from running errands.  He was able to get her calmed down, allowed me time to eat dinner in relative solitude and then took her upstairs for a much needed nap.  By the time she finished her lunch and was heading to night-night there were lots of hugs, kisses and "I'm sorry, Momma" given out - obviously she was ready to move on from the morning's meltdown.  Me on the other hand?  I'm still shaking.  My jaw aches from being clenched and my legs feel like I just ran 10 miles because I was tensed up for the entire saga.

I felt (feel?!) like an utter failure as a parent.  And yes, I know that the other parents there have all been through similar tantrums like Natalie's, but...it's just different when it's YOUR child that's being carried out of the building screaming like a banshee and flailing like a fish washed up on shore.

One of the biggest things I have always struggled with in my life is my pursuit of perfection.  I expect it of myself, of others and now, apparently from Natalie.  Well, it's not that I expect HER to be perfect, but I expect her to behave appropriately because I'M "perfect" and instilling the right values and expectations in her.  So by that measure, I failed today because I didn't set her up for success or respond appropriately to her emotions in a way that would encourage her to finish the class.

I know, I know, I KNOW.  She's a toddler.  They do things like this.  It's just a phase.  We can't always control everything they do and we can only control our reactions to them.

I understand all that - heck, I even BLOGGED about that last sentence awhile back when I talked about technology.  But understanding it from an outsider's point of view and being right there in the thick of it are two entirely different things.

Of course after Craig got her down for a nap, he came downstairs to talk and I immediately swore off ever taking her to another gymnastics class FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN.  Because THAT'S how angry, frustrated and embarrassed I was at her behavior.

But in reality, I'm terrified.  I'm scared at how much I wanted for her to behave and be GOOD at gymnastics.  I'm completely aware of how neurotic I'm being about a two-year-old's extracurricular activity.  I get that I'm just a teensy bit insane for worrying this much about something that in the grand scheme of things will be terribly inconsequential.  But I'm afraid of how much worse it's going to get as I watch her grow up, try out for sports teams, get cut out from a group of friends, struggle with schoolwork...  It's not that I want to protect her from everything that is bad, but I want her to be the kind of kid that just naturally excels at stuff because I was that kind of person.  School, sports and friends came pretty easily to me.  Of course, there were bumps along the road but for the most part, I didn't struggle learning concepts, getting playing time or maintaining friendships.  I want that for her because from experience, it's a pretty sweet life to live.

Yikes.

I should probably relax and have a cocktail to take the edge off.

So in closing...she will be going to gymnastics next week.  It will be my 30th birthday so I might just let Craig take her while I go get my nails done.

But more than that, I think days like today are ultimately for the best.  It causes me to reexamine my own parenting decisions as well as the motivation from those decisions.  I'm forced to explore the reason WHY this incident bothered me so much - was it strictly from frustration, why did I feel embarrassed, what do I really expect from a toddler?  It's these questions that are going to help propel me to parent Natalie more thoughtfully and with a broader view of the type of woman I want to raise.  Of course I want her to be a remarkable young lady but I also know that if I put too much pressure on her that I will crush her spirit and cause such deep resentment from her to me.  As much as it is against my nature, I must step back and allow her the freedom and luxury of making a mistake and then learning from it in order to become a better person.

Adventures in Toddlerhood

Parenting an almost two and a half year old is sometimes like living in a perpetual hurricane.  There's always the calm that comes along with the eye of the storm, but it's an uneasy feeling...like things are going TOO well and that in just a few short moments, the roof is about to be blown off your house and the entire Pacific Ocean will come crashing through the windows.

Craig and I have weathered the toddler storm fairly well so far, but with Natalie quickly gaining vocabulary and A MIND OF HER OWN (how dare she!), the storms we are experiencing have recently taken on a bit more...hilarity.

*********************

The other day I was craving not a glass of wine or a cold beer, but a cocktail.  Vodka and Sprite to be exact.  I also had to run to the grocery store and Natalie was tagging along so at the ripe old age of two and a half...she made her first trip to the liquor store.  Upon entering the store she saw all the rows of wine bottles and exclaimed, "Momma buy wine?"  Sheesh.

But the hilarity doesn't end there.  Oh no.  This was a VERY entertaining trip to the liquor store.

While I was perusing the vodka bottles she began to touch some of the merchandise and I admonished her, "no touching - we don't touch!"  She complied but shortly thereafter I picked up a bottle from the shelf and she was quick to remind me, "no touching Momma!"  Of course this was said with a hand on her hip and in her perfect Momma/teacher voice.  I looked at her skeptically, one eye raised and let her know that "I'm an adult so I can touch whatever I want."  Obviously unimpressed, she hiked up her skirt to show off her delicate Ariel panties and declared, "I an 'dult.  I a big girl!"

Yikes.

*********************

Bedtime with Natalie is probably my LEAST favorite part of the day.  She fights the good fight almost every single night and although I easily resist her pleas of "Momma lay down?" Craig is a big old softie and can't help but snuggle and cuddle and rock and pat Natalie whenever she wants and for however long it takes to get her to sleep.

But that's another topic of discussion entirely.

Tonight was no different with her wails of "no night-night" beginning as soon as Craig placed her into bed at 8:30 after having rocked and read two books.  Eventually the cries quieted down and we figured she had finally drifted off to sleep and we were free to pursue our late night adventures in reality television and selling baseball cards online.

Oh no.

At 9:30 we hear a little voice piping up from the room at the end of the hall.  "Daddy?  DADDY?!"

Sweet mother of pearl.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  What is she doing awake!?

Come to find out...she has been sitting in her rocking chair, reading books to herself by the light of her nightlight on her alarm clock.  For an hour.

So I coach Craig on what television's Super Nanny taught me to do.  Go into her room, leave the lights out and don't say a word while putting her gently back into bed with a loving pat.  Exit quickly and repeat if necessary.

Obviously she gets up and cracks open the door to her bedroom enough for her beady little eyes to see what's going on down the hall.  I turn the corner to face her door while simultaneously putting on my "Momma's not happy face."  She slams the door shut and all I hear are the rapid pattering of feet racing back to bed followed by the twang of the mattress coils as she leaps under the covers.

This happens twice.

Sneaky is not a word I would use to describe my two-year-old.

*********************

Dinner has lately become a case of Whack-a-Mole where Craig and I spend a large amount of time convincing Natalie to stay in her seat and eat her meal.  Perhaps it's a case of extraneous energy but she wants to be dancing, rolling and hopping while ingesting her carrots, strawberries and green beans.

Tonight was no different and after her second escape from and reluctant return to the table, I looked her in the eyes and told her that if she got up ONE.  MORE.  TIME.  that she would be done eating for the night.  Sure enough within minutes she was off and cavorting around the house so I pushed her plate to the sink as a sign that she was D-O-N-E with dinner and that Momma meant business.

As I was cleaning up the dishes I heard her patter of feet behind me and when I glanced back, a peculiar sight caught my eye.  Natalie standing in the corner of the dining room with her head down and her hands up under her chin.

Suspicious behavior, to say the least.

I went over and checked on her but even though her answers were mumbled...they were dripping with guilt and remorse.  But more importantly than that, she smelled delicious.  Far better than ANY two-year-old should smell at the end of a hot summer day.  And familiar.  Her scent triggered a memory so I searched the floors, looking for a strewn bottle of my lotion that she might have snatched from my purse.  

Nothing was amiss so I returned to the culprit for a deeper interrogation.  It didn't take much prodding until the truth escaped her lips, "soap - bathroom - sorry Momma."  

A-ha.  Sure enough, her hands were coated in whatever flavor of Bath and Body Works soap I have sitting on the counter in the downstairs 1/2 bath.  Since she had already punished herself by shoving her face into the corner, I just said, "whenever you think you're done with time-out, you may come and talk to me about this."

Bless her sweet heart.

*********************

But for all of her hijinks, her tantrums and her stubbornness...I adore her.  Every single inch of her - from the top of her curly, summer sun highlighted hair down past her belly which is a delightful mixture of lean, little girl and round little baby, through her brown and perpetually bruised legs and all the way to her little toddler toes.

I just love her.  Everything that she is and even the things that she is not.

Watching Kate and William display their precious bundle of joy to the world today stirred up fond and emotional memories in me.  Sure, it was only a few years ago, but I know the mixture of emotions that goes along with holding the most innocent of gifts in your arms, terrified of screwing it all up but simultaneously excited for the journey you are about to take.

This season that we are in right now...this is the season I imagined when I was pregnant.  The times when Craig and I would be able to giggle and glance at each other with that look that only two people can share about their child.  No one can love her like we do.  No one will know her like we do.

When we look at this little girl we see ourselves, the generations that came before and the future stretched out in front of us.

I see my grandmother's gray-blue eyes paired with my wide, genuine grin.

From her head sprout Craig's curly blond locks that hang over her olive brown skin that's so obviously inherited from the Italian side of my family.

There's her long and lean body and I am no longer ashamed of being tall and athletic - I am proud.  I created her.  I created the body with which she runs, jumps, gallops and rolls.

And then there are the pieces of her that are unique and devoid of any family relation.  The moments that are purely NATALIE...those are the ones that I delight in the most because it allows me to see the independent individual Craig and I created.

Two + Three Months

I'm crossing my fingers as I type this but...so far, the age of two with Natalie hasn't been all that terrible.  Or bad.  Or tolerable.

I would even offer up the word delightful, joyful, hilarious and beautiful.

She is truly my beautiful child, both inside and out.  

She is sweet, caring and nurturing with her friends while still holding her ground.  She delights in the world around her - finding joy and hilarity in the bunny rabbits that hop nervously across our yard to the pairing of ducks who waddle up from the park down the street.  She thinks every truck is a BIG truck and is the first to alert us any time a jet comes streaming across the sky.  She jumps, hops, gallops and bear crawls across the floor.  She rattles off adorable prayers for her Nonna, Mike, Amy, all her day-care buddies...and chicken nuggets.  

We conversate over dinner and giggle at her funny faces.  We cuddle in the mornings with milk, coffee and Mickey Mouse.  We play hide and seek in the evenings and are working on the staying put part.  We do chores, sing songs and do gymnastics in the living room.

We are almost three months into two...and it's so, so WONDERFUL.

I dressed Natalie.  I dressed myself.  Separately.  Then I looked in the mirror.  

TWINSIES!

The prelude to her infamous shaving experiment.

Just a regular morning in bed watching Mouse, cuddling baby and reading books.

My big girl with her big pigtails.

The pretty dress Granddaddy bought her for her birthday.  She wore it to the baby shower of a friend of mine from high school.  She was approachable, sweet, helpful and left the party by giving tons of hugs.

Two.  Is.  Fun.

Two

Our campus officially started the transition from PCs to Apple this week and I am trying desperately to contain my giddiness.

Look at these beautiful pieces of technology.

(MacBook Pro + iPad + iPhone) = one happy girl

So in this process of switching all my JUNK over from my PC laptop to those beauties up there, I came across our family pictures.

More specifically.....THESE kinds of family pictures.

A candid photo taken by my friend Amy while she and our friend Heather were helping me put the finishing touches on Natalie's nursery.

Just a few weeks before her birth!

I do believe that Angie misses being an "only child."

Minutes after her birth, two years ago today.

I remember this moment vividly....I looked down at her crying and glanced at Craig, terrified.  

"What do I do with her?  Why is she crying and how do I stop it?"

The spitting image of her daddy.

Nonna, Momma and Natalie

Snoozing comfortably in Daddy's arms.

The first night at home, all swaddled up in pink.

And now she's two and full of spirit, giggles, opinions and love.

Happy birthday my sweet girl.

ALMOST Two

This is ALMOST two.

It is a raspberry mouth at dinner.

It is a cheese face while clutching a beloved baby.

It is sheer joy and excitement.

It is pretending to be just like Momma.

It is staying in zebra pajamas for far too long on a Saturday morning.

It is still being little and falling asleep after a long day.

It is messy hands and a chocolate face.

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Bye Bye Baby

I've got an "end of the year" wrap-up started in my head but finding the time (okay....the motivation) to put it onto paper...uh....the internet is a little exhausting right now.  But what's easy is to look at the growth of my little girl over the past year.  

We've graduated from baby bottles to sippy cups.

From onesies with socks to leggings and boots.

From crawling to walking to running and galloping.

My what a change in one year.

Delighting in her rocking horse last year and her pop-up play area this year.

Teeth and curls have grown in but those blue eyes and big grin are still the same.

She sits with purpose and strength....and is fully aware of what awaits her wrapped in those packages.

The bottle might have disappeared but Daddy's lap is still her favorite seat in the house.

I'm Still Alive

It's been awhile since I've been on here.  Christmas break has been happening and it's been an interesting mix of pure magic and indescribable joy while watching Natalie soak up the traditions of the holiday season, but also incredibly frustrating with bouts of anxiety and anger tossed in there as well.

And it's really only been a week and a few days.

There's a lot floating around in my brain regarding the requisite "old year vs. new year" stuff along with a general update on the growth and development of the littlest member of our family.

But that's all for another day.

Right now I am seated on the creamy shag bathroom rug in front of the bathtub whose ledge is full of hair ties, bows and brushes so that Natalie can play with "Momma hair."

It's my own personal hair salon.......try to contain your jealousy.

Last night she packed all the essentials (cell phone, sunglasses, keys and Sesame Street music player) into her handmade Beatles purse and took her babies for a stroll around the house.

This also occurred.

Who is she talking to? Always her Nonna.

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from my iPhone

Our Routine

Natalie and I have really fallen into a great routine both in the mornings and afternoons now that Craig is leaving the house early and coming home late due to basketball.  Awhile back I wrote a heart-wrenching (to me at least) post about how Daddy was CLEARLY Natalie's favorite person for comfort and joy during volleyball season because I just wasn't around very much.  Craig kept reassuring me that come basketball season the tables would turn and I would be the one she would call out for in the mornings and at bedtime.

And once again I doubted myself entirely too much and I should have trusted in my husband (and in God).

Depending on when she wakes up we are usually down in the kitchen eating breakfast around 6:30 or so.  She happily chomps on her cheerios and fruit while shrieking about the dogs or jabbering about babies.  I get the Keurig fired up and then make both our lunches.  The dogs scamper outside to use the restroom and then come in and sit eagerly by Natalie's feet, hoping for a stray Cheerio to fall.

Usually by 6:45 or 7:00 we are back upstairs so that I can take a shower while she plays with her magnets or reads books in the bathroom.  Sometimes she will wander off to the playroom and return with a wonderfully prepared plastic breakfast consisting of peas and carrots for me.  Or sometimes such as this morning, I will find her curled up in her glider with a book and a baby.  I plug in my iPhone to the iHome and we listen to the Florence and the Machine station on Pandora.

After I'm dressed and ready around 7:30 we head into her room and take off jammies and put on a fresh diaper and outfit for the day.  We usually have an intense debate over BOW or NO BOW which always depends on the choice of clothing.  Medicine is given (if necessary) and teeth and hair are brushed.

Once we get downstairs, the pups are locked in their kennel and we gather up our supplies for the day.  Backpack in hand, Natalie stomps to the garage door and out we go....but not without stopping (and pleading) for the Santa blow-up decoration in our front yard to be inflated.  But much to her dismay, our Santa is a nocturnal creature and MUST get his rest during the day so we wish Santa a good nap and climb into the car.

Our afternoon routine gets started a little later than I would like because for the next three weeks I'm tied up after school with Cross Country practice until 4:45 which means Natalie and I don't arrive home until closer to 5:00.  But once home I again turn on the Pandora radio in the iHome that is above the sink and we clean up the house....sometimes that means putting away laundry and toys while other days it's wiping down counters and picking up the leaves the dogs track in from the yard.

After about a twenty minute speed clean around the house the music stays on and the television stays off while I start the preparations for dinner.  Depending on what we are eating, Natalie may or may not be involved and if not she pretty much has the run of the downstairs and she will color and read books or play with her babies and animals.  Towards the end of the dinner prep Craig arrives home and keeps her occupied while I finish up and get the food to the table.

On the nights that he is home and doesn't have a basketball game, Craig is the one who reads a bedtime story and then rocks her to sleep but on Monday and Thursday nights it is my duty.  Last night we got home from Craig's game at 8:45 and went straight upstairs for pajamas, teeth brushing, book reading and bedtime. After a few books I clicked off the lamp and rocked her for about eight minutes before her breathing seemed to level out.  I picked her up and placed her in the crib but as soon as I closed the door her pitiful wails began.

Sigh.  I sat on the bed and watched her through the monitor and anxiety crawled up my spine.  I just knew it was going to be one of THOSE nights and I figured that it would end with me huffing and puffing with frustration, her face streaked with tears and Craig having to swoop in and save the day even though he was exhausted from coaching 7th grade basketball.

So I sat and I zenned out.  I waited and listened.  "Mama, mama, mama!" she wailed from her bed....and although I hated to hear her cry, I was secretly pleased that she was calling for ME!  After five minutes it was obvious that she would not be putting herself to sleep and as Craig walked in the front door I was heading back into her room.  I stood in that dark room for as long as it took me to methodically thump on her back, slowly and calmly FIVE HUNDRED TIMES.  Literally.  Five hundred pats on her back.  Of course I counted....because you know....I like numbers.  Again I sneaked out of her room while practically holding my breath all the while praying that she would not be flipped over and sitting up by the time I walked the ten steps to our bedroom.

I took a look at the monitor and WHOOSH.  I let out a deep breath.  The toddler was soundly asleep.  Bedtime success with no frustration from either party.  Hallelujah.

I totally underestimated the power of a routine with a child.  I know that I personally enjoy a routine and that installing a consistent warm-up with my athletes is important but I truly had no idea how attached to a "routine" Natalie would become.  It has taken us a few weeks (and a few tears) to get ourselves situated to the new normal but she has transitioned beautifully and understands (for the most part) what is going on, where Daddy is ("work" or "ball") and how it affects her life.

Non-Sleeping Beauty

And since yesterday I spent an entire post praising my child for being the world's awesomest toddler eater, let's move onto something she ain't so great at - SLEEPING.

This is not something she inherited from me.

I'm going to blame it on her father who definitely struggles to fall (and stay) asleep.

Natalie has never in her life slept beyond 8:00 in the morning.  Not once.  Not even if we keep her up until 10:00 the night before, she will be hollering from her crib at 6:30....or earlier.

Here is our bedtime routine:

- Momma puts on Natalie's pajamas, gives medicine if necessary and helps brush hair and teeth.
- Daddy is seated in the cozy brown glider in Natalie's bedroom.
- Natalie picks out one or two books to read and then climbs into Daddy's lap.
- Good night kisses and hugs for Momma.
- Lamp is turned on and overhead light is switched off.
- Momma leaves the room.
- Daddy reads the books and cuddles Natalie.
- At some point in time when Natalie is close to sleep, the lamp is turned off and she is just rocked until fully or almost asleep.
- Daddy places Natalie into her crib and heads out of the room.
- Most of the time Natalie wakes up and spends the next five minutes crying on the side of her crib before throwing herself into a little ball in the center of her mattress and passes out.

It's all sweet and fun until that last part.

For the longest time Craig refused to put her into the crib without Natalie being completely asleep nor would he let her cry on her own for any amount of time.

At the beginning of the school year Craig and I had a little powwow about our nighttime routine and I convinced him to try letting her cry on her own in bed for 10 minutes just one night.  It absolutely killed him but of course within five minutes she was asleep.

As her parents, we know all the different "cries" that Natalie has - from the whimper of "that hurt just a little but I think I'm okay if you give me a hug" to the "I'm so tired but I don't want to go to bed because you guys are probably doing super fun stuff right now" and even the "oh my goodness I am in so much pain and anguish and you better come get me right now because I  might explode."

Most of the time we get some version of the second type of cry and within that five minute window of us leaving the room, she is passed out in her bed and sleeps through the night........but here is the kicker - she is and EARLY morning riser.  As in 5:30 AM.

Ugh.

This is the part where I do not know what to do.  We can get her to bed and have her stay there throughout the night (for the most part) but this 5:00 in the morning crap has got to end.  I'll admit it, when other people write about their children sleeping in past 8:00, I get a little jealous.  A whole lot jealous in fact.  Even if I can't sleep in that late do you know how glorious it sounds to have some time in the morning to myself to take a shower, put on make-up or even just drink a cup of coffee in pure solitude?  Sigh.

And now that she has started up this 5:00 stuff and Craig and I both work long hours, we've taken up the bad habit of just bringing her to bed with us in the mornings so that we can at least sleep until 6:30.  But this is not a habit I want to get into because although it can be sweet to wake up to her little face in the morning, I sleep TERRIBLY with her in the bed and a well-rested Momma is better for every member of my household.

One of my thoughts is to take the front of her crib off and convert it to a toddler bed so that in the morning she could play with the toys in her room without waking up me or Craig.  BUT....that would completely upset our bedtime routine because during that five minutes of frustration before passing out, she would be out of bed and banging on the door.

My other thought is just to wait it out because she did this awhile back for a few weeks before going back to her better wake-up time of 6:30.  She's also been battling a not-really-an-ear-infection-but-kind-of-an-ear-infection this past week.  We have her on some antibiotics combined with a nasal spray to knock all the junk loose in her head and so far, so good....no fever which is hopefully a sign that the ear infections is staying at bay for the time being.  We will head back to the pediatrician's office in a few weeks to have another look into her ears to see if the fluid has cleared up.  If not, we're off to the ENT doctor.

Or perhaps she's just an early riser which could benefit us when she is in school?!

Dinnertime

Natalie might not be the greatest sleeper during the night and we might still have to employ the ten minutes of "cry-it-out" once she is placed in her crib.........but there is one thing that is NEVER a battle in our house.

Dinnertime.

Lunchtime.

Breakfast.

Snack.

None of it.

As Natalie's sitter Rebecca once said when I picked her up and she was still noshing on goldfish, "she's been eating for awhile, snack time is never really over for Natalie."

That's my girl.  Like mother (and father, quite frankly) like daughter.

I outgrew Happy Meals by the time I was in grade school and as a growing preteen I was out-eating my much older brother at dinnertime.  Full disclosure, I had a hyper-active thyroid condition in my youth along with a heart murmur plus plain old genetics which all led to me being taller than my 5'6 mother by the time I entered sixth grade.  My body was on a metabolic overdrive all the time which caused me to sprout up, be super skinny and eat everything in sight.

Now that I am quickly approaching thirty my metabolism has obviously slowed down and having a baby certainly hasn't helped things, I definitely have to be more mindful of what I eat as well as how much of it I consume.

But even though Natalie is naturally a great eater there still are things that Craig and I have tried to implement in order to ensure she continues to be one.

First and foremost, she eats what we eat.  If we are having a scheduled, pre-planned dinner then she will not be receiving her own specially cooked dinner.  I am not a short order cook.  Of course there are those nights when we pull out all the Tupperware containers from the kitchen and have a buffet where she can have whatever she wants but if I'm cooking....that's what she's eating, at least in some form.

We don't make a big deal out of trying new foods.  I try to put three things on her plate that I know she likes and maybe one new or unusual food just to see.  Sometimes she tries the new food and likes it but if she doesn't, I don't make a big production about her not being willing to try something different.  I offer and if she says "no" then I say okay and suggest she eat something that she does enjoy.  Last night was zucchini, tilapia and spaghetti with a homemade alfredo-type sauce.  I put a little bit of everything on her plate along with some raspberries and she ate everything except the pasta to which she kindly refused.  What more can you ask from a toddler?

We also don't worry if she doesn't eat much at dinner.  She is a toddler.  Their bodies are growing at different times which requires more (or less) food on any given day.  I want my dinner table to be a pleasant atmosphere so I refuse to battle an almost two-year-old over food.  If she isn't hungry at dinner, chances are she will be when she wakes up in the morning.  She will not starve.

People are not cows and therefore we do not graze.  Natalie eats breakfast, lunch and dinner......with an afternoon snack built in after her nap.  If she is starting to get a little restless before dinner then she can eat a cracker but I don't let the snack cabinet get raided anytime she throws a fit.  There is also no eating in the car, but that's just been ingrained into my head from years spent living with an autobody repairman.

Do not engage with the terrorist.  There will be those days.  OH.  There are DEFINITELY those days when I swear her head turns all the way around and she is about to projectile vomit on me.  Natalie obviously has her not-so-sweet moments but Craig and I try to remain calm at the dinner table.  If she wants to throw her food we just calmly say "I guess you are done eating" and remove the plate from in front of her before continuing with our conversation.  I give her a few moments to collect herself and then ask if she would like to keep eating.  Sometimes the answer is yes and other times it is no.  Either way, I don't let her know that her negative behavior has rattled me.  In the extreme case where Natalie is complete unruly and unmanageable either Craig or myself will remove her from the table and sit in time-out with her on the foot of the stairs.

And now with that all being said and put out into the universe, let's see karma come back and bite me in the butt.  Ha.

But in all reality, these are the expectations that Craig and I have decided work best for us in our home.  Mealtime is a chance to get together in the evenings and connect with one another about their day.  I enjoy eating dinner with both Natalie and Craig and we want to preserve the sanctity of the family meal in our home.  So far this set of guidelines has helped us navigate what can sometimes be treacherous territory when it comes to feeding a small child.

Paranormal Monitor

I should have known it was going to be a rough night just from the looks of the this picture I took of the monitor.

Toddler girl was fighting the good fight and absolutely refused to go to sleep.

Little did we know.........the ear infection had invaded our house once again.

Creepy, right?

She was just laying quietly in her bed.  All I could hear was her pudgy hands playing with the sticky tabs on her diaper.  Just staring defiantly up into the monitor, like she knew that Momma was on the other side.

This picture might have to go in the baby book out of sheer ridiculousness.

Chores

I used to joke with my parents that the only reason they decided to have children was to have free child labor.

Now I understand....it wasn't so much a joke as the absolute truth.

That's why we've decided that Natalie has been living off our paychecks for FAR too long and it's high time that she start pulling her weight around the house.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

But in all honesty, she isn't too young for chores and it's never too early to start teaching young children about helping with a generous heart and gracious attitude.  I want Natalie to learn that she is a contributing member of our household and there are tasks around the home that she must help perform in order to one day become a functioning member of society.

Now.  She's not out mowing the lawn (yet) or ironing my dress pants (that's next week) but there are plenty of small tasks that Craig and I have taught her how to do.  My hope is that if we start her on "chores" early enough, they will become part of her daily life and routine and she will never know a life without helping unload the dishwasher or hauling laundry up the stairs.

Granted, I'm not under any delusion that she'll always do these tasks with a wonderful attitude....but all that will matter is that the work is done, right?

Right.

So without further ado....Natalie's chore list, as of 20 months old.

- Pick up and put away toys in the play room.  Usually this action is accompanied by the Barney "Clean Up" song but she does a great job all on her own.  She knows where the blocks, Little People and kitchen stuff does and we hardly ever have to fight her to get things straightened up.

- Pick up and put away dirty clothes into the hamper. I tried this one out the other day out of sheer laziness.  I told her to pick up my socks and put them in the basket in my closet.......and she did.  So while I straightened up the bathroom and made the bed, she picked up all the dirty laundry lying around our bedroom and plopped them all in the hamper.

- Help load and unload the dishwasher.  This gets a little tricky and hard to manage because there are some sharp knives and breakable bowls that get washed in our dishwasher.  Luckily our kitchen isn't too big so there is always someone close by to help actively monitor the progress.  She is great at picking up HER dishes and the smaller plastic cups and Tupperware that won't break or get damaged by little hands.

- Help set the table for dinner.  This one started the other day and in a very limited and controlled setting.  She can put up butter knives, forks, her plastic plate and napkins......and that's about it.  But it does give her something to do while I'm finishing up the preparations for dinner.

- Put away Tupperware.  Her favorite and the absolute easiest task for her to complete.  Maybe it's because I'm lazy or possibly due to the fact that she's grown out of the "must get into every cabinet that I can" phase, but the Tupperware cabinet is totally unlocked at all times.  Since Craig and I both take our lunch to school every day, we accumulate TONS of dirty (and then clean) Tupperware throughout the week.  Natalie knows exactly where all the pieces go and she shuttles all the lids and bottoms to the cabinet.  Now let me go on record and say this - my Tupperware cabinet is NOT organized by any means, but I'll deal with a little bit of mess if it means that Natalie learns a new task and I have one task taken off my hands.

- Get out and put away dog food.  Our girl loves her puppies.  She also loves routines.  And one of those routines involves feeding the pups in the morning and the evening.  The dog food is kept in a Rubbermaid container with a spout on a lower shelf in the pantry.  She can go to the pantry, get the container off the shelf and carry it to me (or Craig) standing at the kitchen island.  Her job continues with picking the dog bowls off the ground and handing them to me and then returning the container after the food has been doled out.

- Clean up spills with towel.  This is one that I totally did not teach nor anticipate.  The other day when she spilled the tiniest bit of milk onto the floor, without provocation from Craig or myself, she ran into the kitchen, grabbed the towel hanging on the side of the sink and then ran back and wiped up her spill.  Craig and I just sat in stunned silence.  I'm not sure whether to be proud or terrified of her penchant for cleanliness and order.

- Wipe down the table after dinner.  Give her a Wet One and Natalie will go to town on the space in front of her chair after dinner is over.  She will also attempt to wipe her own face and hands, but she's not nearly as successful with that.

- Put trash into the garbage can.  Again.  This one originated out of laziness combined with the fact that Natalie is pretty adorable when she knows she did something good - she claps and cheers for herself.  Craig was the one that really got her going on trash detail this summer when he would be wrapping up his baseball card orders and he would have her pick up all his trash.

I'm really hoping that by putting this stuff out into the universe that karma isn't going to circle around and bite me in the butt by having my child boycott all helpfulness that I just seemingly bragged about.

And on the bragging note....I'm really not.  I'm just sharing with you stuff that we've found works for us with our daughter.  Most of these chores that she does started out by her showing an interest in and a desire to help us around the house.  And then from there, it was easier for me to engage her in the task than to try to keep her entertained in something else while I finished working.

Perhaps the overarching theme is that I want my daughter to feel productive, competent and successful.  But she won't learn how to encompass any of those traits without us as parents providing opportunities for her to try new things, carry responsibility and contribute to the family.

Toddler Terrorists

A lot of times when people ask me what grade and subject I teach, their eyes grow huge and they ask the inevitable question:

"How do you deal with middle school teenagers?"

I get that.  I do.  Out in the wild where I can't control them, I'm not a big fan of teenagers either.  They're loud, obnoxious and awkward.  But the good news is...that's pretty standard and normal behavior for their age.  We were ALL loud, obnoxious and awkward at that age.  Seeing teenagers out and about reminds me why I'm so glad I'm not in middle or high school anymore.

But in all honesty, when I am working with them at school, they are the least of my worries, problems, frustrations and concerns.

They just don't bother me that much.

When working with kids you have to keep things in perspective.  THEY  AREN'T ADULTS.  They do not have fully functioning brains to make rational decisions and to have a world view that does not focus on themselves and their own needs.  It's not that they're TRYING to be incorrigible and self-centered........that's the stage in development that they're at.  The terms "good" and "bad" get thrown around a lot with middle school students and I cringe when I hear kids being referred to as "bad."  That's just such a final verdict when the child isn't even fully grown yet.  Let's wait until they have a few convictions before we start labeling, no?  But in all seriousness, underneath all the bad attitude and disrespectful mouthiness..........most kids at their core are GOOD kids.  The "bad" kids are the ones that perhaps haven't been given a fair shake at life or haven't been set up for success by the habits and actions of their parents.  It's my job as an educator to cut through their "bad" facade and get to the good heart that lies beneath.

And most importantly, you can't take any of it personally.  Not the rolling of their eyes, the forgetting of gym clothes or homework, or even when they talk back.  It perplexes me when adults get so offended by the behavior of a teenager.  Frustrated I can understand, but offended?  They're just kids.  Half the time they truly don't know any better and isn't that kind of my job?  To point out their missteps and instruct them on appropriate behavior in an effort to guide them on their path to becoming an adult?!

There's a little disciplinary philosophy and program out there called Love and Logic and the basic tenets revolve around letting kids know that above everything else, they are cared for.........but that doesn't exclude them from suffering the natural consequences of their actions.  It takes the frustration of discipline out of the hands of the adults and places it squarely where it belongs - on the shoulders of the child.  Why should my good day be ruined because a preteen forgot his gym clothes or because she talked back?

For example, when a child forgets their gym clothes, the conversation usually goes something like this:

Child: I don't have my PE clothes.

Me: Okay.  You'll lose points for no clothes.  And after three no clothes days you'll get a detention.

Child:  Okay........

Me: Alright, go have a seat.

*Child looks at me out of the corner of their eye and shuffles off awkwardly.*

The child is expecting to be reprimanded.  It kind of throws them for a loop when their behavior doesn't get a reaction out of me.  As long as you have a good set of policies, expectations and consequences you just let nature take it's course and all the stress is off your shoulders.  The natural consequence is that they'll receive a lower grade and if their behavior continues they will be given a detention and then referral.  And NO child, "good" or "bad," wants to be hanging outside the coaching office at 8:00 in the morning when they could be talking with their friends in the cafeteria.

The sixth grade class this year as a whole was pretty "advanced" for their age socially and knew much more about the world (and not in a good way) than many of our 8th graders.  As a group, they sent the sixth grade teachers and administration for a loop - we just didn't know quite what to do with them since all our normal methods of discipline didn't really seem to work or sink in.  I quickly gave up on trying to bring them up to where I wanted expected them to be (where other sixth grade classes had started out) and instead met them where they were, grabbed their hand and pulled them along the path I needed them to follow.

But this one young lady was a bit of a conundrum.  She was outgoing but her actions spoke of underlying insecurities.  According to her classroom teachers, she was a nightmare - never doing any homework and failing the majority of her tests.  I saw her as funny and charismatic, but a little damaged.  As a general rule, I try to keep in mind that no matter how you slice it, being in middle school is tough and it's not my job to make their lives more difficult but instead to hopefully be a bright spot in an otherwise very dark day.  With this child I knew that she and I would have to come to some sort of understanding about her behavior since she started off the year insisting that she speak at the same exact moment as me.  I leveled with her one day and laid out all the cards - I listed my expectations, how she wasn't meeting them and what would happen if she continued on her behavioral path.  We had a "come to Jesus" meeting one might say.  I was also in charge of the Advisory period which was kind of like a big silent study hall where the kids were expected to be silent and work quietly on homework.  This was a struggle for this young lady.  Not that I blame her but her behavior did get to the point where there were office referrals involved.  After one referral, she brought down the pink slip from the office and said to me while getting dressed for PE, "Coach!  You got me in trouble again in Advisory!  Why do you hate me?"  Whoa there turbo.  Let's back this train up for a second.  I explained things quite plainly for her.  "Giving you a referral for behavior that was inappropriate has nothing to do with how much I enjoy having you in my class.  In Advisory, my job is to enforce the rules and your job is to follow the rules.  When that doesn't happen, the natural consequence is an office referral.  I can still like you as a person but hold you accountable for your actions."  I didn't lecture or glare but just had a casual tone to my voice.  She cocked her head slightly and shrugged in agreement.  "Yeah, I understand that.  I just hate after school detentions."  And off to class she went.  No drama, no tears, no fighting.  Just an explanation of the rules and our roles as student and teacher.

I'm not saying that I'm the best teacher in the world but I certainly know my strengths.  And I'm really good at classroom management and connecting with students.  Any good teacher has to be able to meet their students where they are at academically and emotionally and then have a vision of where the child should be at the end of the year, as well as a plan to get them there.

My natural inclination is to apply ALL the above mentioned stuff about behavior management and discipline to my own personal child.

NOT.  AS.  EASY.

I struggle because I DO take her temper tantrums personally sometimes because I feel as if they are a reflection of my parenting abilities.  My brain and emotions are split down the middle when she acts out - one half of me reverts back to all those child development classes I dutifully sat through in college and I logically understand that she is desperately trying to establish her control over something and throwing a fit is the only way she has to express her frustration at this point in time.  I TOTALLY understand that from a logical and rational child development point of view.  But then there's the other part of me - I have a feeling my mother felt like this a lot when she was working with teenagers while also parenting a teenager, yeah....it's "normal" developmental behavior but you want your child to be better than normal.  To be able to be a role model and above average because then it reflects on your parenting skills.  I'm a teacher and navigate hormonal teenagers every single day.  I should be able to quickly quell a toddler's tantrums.

If only.

Some days it's a uphill battle trying to get her to understand boundaries, limits and making her feel reassured at the same time that she is loved and cared for.  But as difficult as it might be right now to establish and reinforce boundaries and proper behavior with Natalie, I'd rather do the hard work now and reap the rewards later.  

Craig and I were actually discussing this topic at dinner tonight and we both related it to how we approach coaching our respective sports teams at the beginning of the season compared to the end.  At the start of the season, I am a beast in the gym.  I focus on perfecting the warm-up, practicing and correcting proper passing, setting, hitting and serving technique as well as behavior expectations during practices and games.  There are lots of push-ups involved and the girls typically leave the gym sweating profusely.  Quite frankly, although I understand the importance of all the stuff that I'm teaching, it's absolutely exhausting for me to be that tough and strict on my girls.  BUT....the payoff is fantastic because by the end of the season, they can practically run their own practice.  They know when to start stretching, they set up all their warm-up drills and we can easily transition from one activity to the next without hardly any distraction or interruption.  Having them so obedient and respectful also allows for me to be more personal and engaging with them as individuals and as a whole.  At the end of the season, I'm jumping in their drills and we're having a great time playing a sport that we all love while Michael Jackson and Justin Bieber blasts through the speaker system.  Because they know boundaries, limits and have a healthy amount of respect for me as their leader and coach, my teams typically end the season on a high note with all of us genuinely sad to see the season come to a close.

So that's how we're approaching discipline, boundaries, obedience and respect with Natalie - we're beginning with the end in mind.  What type of teenager and young adult to we envision ourselves living with and sending off into the world?  So, with that goal in mind, what actions do we have to take now in order to produce that type of person?  Right now the word "no" is used with us getting down on her level and speaking into her eyes with a firm voice.  There is lots and lots of genuine praise when she follows instructions or makes a good decision.  And when there is a complete meltdown we take a time-out as a family.  Either myself or Craig will take her to the bottom step of the stairs in the entry way (away from most distractions) and we'll just sit, hug and talk calmly into her ear while she wails in an attempt to calm her down.  Sometimes she calms down.....sometimes she doesn't, but she has started to go to that step when she's upset so maybe she is making the connection between that location, feeling out of control and taking a necessary little breather from the situation.  Whatever the case may be, for the most part she minds very well and her meltdowns are few and far between.  BUT we're only at 15 months old so I know there we're just hitting the tip of the iceberg as far as her asserting her independence and making her opinion known.

How do YOU approach discipline with your toddler and do you have any great tricks or tips?

Life Lately

Things have been pretty calm around our house lately - nothing too major to report.  So here are a few pictures of what Natalie has been up to recently.

"Say what?!"

I plan to thoroughly embarrass her with this someday during her teenage years.

Those sunglasses stayed firmly in her hands the entire afternoon while she played with her water table but never once did she actually try to put them on her face.

Playing in the water, throwing animals, dumping over the tower and then.........face plant.

I don't think it turned out quite like she had planned.

That hair down the middle of her nose kills me but I just can't bring myself to cut off any of her locks quite yet.

Love her big blue eyes.

Ajax resting comfortably in the dirt and far away from the water.

Angie looking dignified while basking in the sunshine.

Sweet girl.

Sweet girl did NOT expect the tartness of a Sonic Strawberry Limeade!

Drying off after a fun hour playing in the backyard.

Shortly after decimating her Easter basket.

We totally used the same basket as last year and just filled it with a few books from the dollar aisle at Target, a cute bunny sippy cup (which Angie has already destroyed), her favorite goldfish and a few Bert and Ernie characters.

The best picture of her in her Easter dress that I could get - Easter was not a fun day for her.

But THIS certainly did her her get into a better mood.  We had dinner at my parent's house around 5:00 and she was just exhausted so I took her in the back bedroom and rocked her to sleep.  But now she is definitely hovering around 25 pounds and is over 31 inches long.  No more can I comfortably accommodate a sleeping child in my arms and there was no pack n play out and available.  So what is a mother to do?  Use the dog bed.

Cool girls in our swag shades.

Mommy and daughter running shoes.

Wearing a pretty dress to go to the big boy's school with Ms. Rebecca.

Her personalized backpack that she takes to Ms. Rebecca's house full of all her goodies.

Excited little girl!