Out of Commission

For once, I've got the time (summer vacation), little to no distractions (Natalie is with my parents) and tons of great blog posts saved as drafts that are ready for me to complete. Time to get down and dirty with thinking, writing and publishing, right?

Nope.

Because THIS happened this morning.


I've been wrestling with a cyst on my hand since late February. I had it drained in April but it came back pretty quick so Craig a I decided to just get it cut out of my hand. This morning Natalie, Craig and I met my parents at a local surgery center and after a short 45 minute procedure...my hand was bandaged and we were on our way home! Natalie is staying with my parents tonight and they'll bring her back tomorrow afternoon and my mother in law is bringing a delicious roast beef to us for dinner since I'm obviously not cooking.

I chose to have a local anesthetic with a bit of sedation so I actually slept through it all. The pain hasn't been too bad but its starting to ramp up as the numbing medicine runs out. It wasn't a life or death surgery but the cyst was very painful...hurt to touch or grab things and excruciating when I dove for a volleyball and landed on it. In the past week as it got larger and larger, my hand hurt like I had a bad case of arthritis and I was taking lots of Advil and even some Vicodin to go to sleep.

Needless to say, I'm glad I got it removed because it was painful and annoying. I've got two great four legged nurses laying right by my side just in case I need to "rehab" my hand by petting them. Ha! Anyways. Hopefully by early next week I will be back to the blogging/typing world. I've got lots to talk about....an update on Natalie's doctors visits and her first "gymnastics" class!


In the meantime....I'm going to catch up on all my DVR and maybe work my way through some Harry Potter movies!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Early Morning or Late Night Ramblings

It's 1:07 am on Wednesday, November 25th and I can't sleep. There were a few blissful hours when pain medication was able to dull my senses and my brain enough so that I could get some sleep, but unfortunately the medicine wore off at precisely 12:46 and my eyes snapped open.

Why might I be taking strong pain medication you ask? Same stuff, different day...my right knee that I spoke of so long ago has not gotten any better but instead gotten progressively more and more painful since October. I have been in Physical Therapy for a month with a wonderful and highly knowledgeable therapist...so knowledgeable in fact, that she knows when the pain and problem is outside her realm of help. She advised me last week that if my pain was still persisting and more importantly, intensifying that it might be a good idea to schedule another appointment with my doctor. Craig and I talked about it over dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant down the road from us last Tuesday night...his special treat since I was so frustrated...and we decided that we would both be more comfortable taking my knee to be seen by his long-time surgeon in Dallas. So tomorrow we are off to Dr. Moore, armed with my previous doctor's paperwork and the list of things I've been doing in Physical Therapy.

I 100% trust Craig's opinion and therefore I trust Dr. Moore...but I'm still nervous. But not nervous about what you THINK I'm nervous about. I'm nervous that he will look at the reports, take an MRI and tell me that nothing is wrong and that it must be all in my head. Because then I will feel stupid - like I've been faking it all along, or maybe that I'm a wimp who is just complaining over something small. But I know that my pain is real - I feel the grinding, the sharp pains, the dull ache and the throbbing down my shin. I am a healthy and active 26 year old woman - this is probably the healthiest I have been in my life since I was playing basketball in high school! I should be able to take my dog for walk/runs, ride my bike and play a little volleyball once a week with my adult league. I'm too young to fall apart and right now this knee is severely impacting my activity level, and therefore impacting my mood and the quality of my life.

Other than those thoughts, what else is running through my mind at now 1:17 am?
- I saw New Moon twice this weekend and I'm definitely a wolf...more importantly, an ALPHA wolf. I'm more inclined to snarl and growl when I'm mad than write intense poetry, or even speak eloquently for that matter.
- Craig and I started putting up Christmas lights on the house tonight at 8:00 in the dark. It was his idea and not really the time I would have liked to do it, but the childlike look of excitement on his face was too hard to turn down. So now we have lights.
- I've been reading Marley and Me by John Grogan lately in order to gain some perspective on my needy, emotional and stubborn dog. My favorite portion:
"In a dog's life, some plaster would fall, some cushions would open, some rugs would shred. Like any relationship, this one had its costs. They were costs we came to accept and balance against the joy and amusement and protection and companionship he gave us. We could have bought a small yacht with what we spent on our dog and all the things he destroyed. Then again, how many yacths wait by the door all day for your return? How many live for the moment they can clim in your lap or ride down the hill with you on a toboggan, licking your face? Marley had earned his place in our family. Like a quirky but beloved uncle, he was what he was. He would never be Lassie or Benji or Old Yeller; he would never reach Westminster or even the county fair. We knew that now. We accepted him for the dog he was, and loved him all the more for it." Angie isn't perfect and she'll always have her issues, but I know that she is appreciative of everything we've given her and she loves us more than anything. I couldn't imagine not coming home and opening the back door to have her come barreling in, jumping on my legs while whining impatiently about how much she missed me.
- The wedding nightmares are starting...first there was one about changing my hairstyle last minute and then it was the day of the wedding and I forgot my bridesmaids presents...and those were in the same night! I'm still feeling like I should be more stressed...maybe I'm forgetting something major, I'm not sure...but the OMG feeling definitely was ratcheted up a notch since we passed the "four months away" mark on November 13th...

The Results...

Craig is at basketball tonight and quite frankly...I'm glad I have the house to myself tonight. Today started out a little rough because I'm not a patient person. I wanted my MRI results and I wanted them this morning. So when I threw a frustrated mini-fit in the coaches office after being sent to voicemail (for the second time today) I was even more enraged when I was told that I needed to "not over-react and to be more patient"...or something else insulting to that effect. I was not in the mood to hear those words. I wanted to hear: "I'm sorry you're having to wait for the results. I know that you're anxious about what the MRI showed. I'm sure they'll call you back as soon as they're free." But no. I didn't. Don't worry...I might not have been comforted but the tournament sure as heck got finished.

Sigh. I know that patience and compassion are virtues. I get that...but when both of us need those things from each other over a course of a month - it gets a bit exhausting! He's got to schedule and organize a 58 team tournament for this weekend which I know is time-consuming. And it doesn't help that as soon as he thinks he's finalized the tourney someone either cancels a team or another team wants to play, and honestly...how can you turn down a team that's willing to give you almost 300 bucks?! So he was having to return to the drawing board repeatedly as well as deal with disgruntled business partners and clients. And to top it all off? Because of our district track meet last night, he didn't even START on schedules until 10:30 pm. Plus...his knee is still hurting him and his doctor appointment is tomorrow morning at 9:30. I am praying that the doctor can find a way to just fix it once and for all.

The good news is that while I was typing that last paragraph, I did begin to have a little bit more sympathy for him.

And I'm frustrated. My knee is still hurting and it's a weird hurt - if I sit around and do virtually nothing (like I did this weekend) my knee feels fine. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of staying in my pjs everyday watching Oprah. I do have to be up and on my feet for the better part of a day. It's the up and moving around part of my life that is bothering my knee. I did finally talk to my doctor around 5:45 this afternoon and he said that he was surprised by my MRI because it only showed a "small tear" in the meniscus. He said that surgery was not the first option and that I should come in for a Cortisone shot sometime in the near future. If that doesn't clear it up, then we'll look at going in and cleaning up my knee arthroscopically. Call me a skeptic, but I'm a little...well...skeptic. Although I know that my knee is nowhere near the carnage that Craig has but the Cortisone shot did absolutely nothing for him. It seems to me to be a little bit of a band-aid method of medicine. I'm no doctor, but I am under the impression that a meniscus cartilage tear doesn't just heal up all on it's own. And another point...does the doctor expect me to sit around and not do anything physical? I am jumping out of my skin to get back on the volleyball court. Give me a white ball and a wall and I will work out any and all aggression I have in life. I haven't had that outlet in three weeks. I have a feeling that in order for Craig and I to continue in the relatively blissful harmony that we have...I'm going to need to get on a volleyball court STAT. And if I can't? Give me some anesthesia and clean me out. I don't want to hurt anymore and I need to get back into the game.

On that note...I was also disappointed about the diagnosis from the standpoint of "My knee hurts bad. I can barely walk at night because it's so stiff and swollen. I am having sharp and dull pain on either side of my knee." This has been going on for three weeks. I kind of feel like a big, fat crybaby right now. Growing up there were lots of times that I wouldn't feel good but I still had to go to school. I tore ligaments in my ankles twice and never saw a doctor about either of them. My parents generally had a "suck it up" attitude and when I did finally get sick...I always felt guilty because I knew that they were taking off work to be at home with me. More so from my mom because she was a little bit more verbal about being busy at work. She might deny it but I have a memory like an elephant and I did sometimes feel guilty because I knew that there were more "important" things that had to be taken care of at work instead of taking care of me. It also made me feel like I was faking. Case in point: last summer's debacle with the appendix. Everyone thought I was hungover and no one actually believed that I was sick! I felt guilty having my mom come over and take me to the doctor...my dad didn't think we should go to the ER. It was sweet, sweet redemtion when the doctor's announced that my appendix had to come out the next morning. So maybe I feel like I'm back in that position...like I'm faking or something and the "faking" is backed up by photographic evidence that there really isn't something wrong with my knee. So I guess I just feel like I have to "suck it up" and get on with life.

And one more thing because I'm bored...

What Was I Doing Ten Years Ago:
- I was playing lots of basketball.
- Dating and breaking up with Nick W.
- Finishing up my less than illustrious career as a JV high jumper.
- Hanging out with Ali, Leigh Ann and the basketball boys.
- Fighting with my mother.

5 Things On My To-Do List Today:
1. Lesson plans (completed!)
2. Get doctor's results (small meniscus tear in right knee)
3. Take a nap (delightful)
4. Discuss morning's conversation with Craig (not yet - gotta quit being actively angry)
5. Catch up on DVR (done!)

5 Places I Have Traveled:
1. London, England
2. Las Vegas, Nevada
3. Munich and Berlin, Germany
4. Amsterdam, The Netherlands
5. Rome, Venice, Sorrento, Florence, Naples and Capri, Italy

5 Snacks Or Treats I Enjoy:
1. Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte from Starbucks
2. Strawberry Limeade from Sonic
3. Popcorn
4. Chex Mix type snacks
5. Green apples

5 Places I've Lived:
1. Hurst for about 18 years
2. Dorm room at UNT in Denton
3. Apartment #1 with Elaine and apartment #2 with Lauren in Denton
4. An apartment in Euless all on my own for 2.5 years
5. A beautiful new house with Craig in Flo Mo!

5 Jobs I've Had:
1. YMCA After School Counselor (Senior year)
2. Lifeguard at NRH2O (Summers after junior, senior and freshman years)
3. Children's Courtyard After School Counselor (3 summers during and 1 summer after college)
4. TAKS and 7th grade Math teacher (one semester)
5. Volleyball coach and 6th grade Geography teacher (wrapping up 3rd year)

Un-freakin-believable

You're not going to believe this...but I have a been diagnosed with a "possible medial meniscus tear." I have an MRI scheduled for Monday and then once that is read, the next step will be discussed. When I asked the doctor what "next step" meant he gave me that "you know what I'm talking about" look and I already knew what was going to come out of his mouth: scope and repair...which just means surgery. Great.

If this sounds familiar...it's because Craig was diagnosed with the same thing about three or four weeks ago. And he just went back to his doctor today because his knee locked and popped twice last night. He was given a cortisone shot and told to come back in a week for another check-up. If it's not better by next Thursday...he'll have another surgery to repair whatever other damage is still in his knee.

At this rate, we're just going to have to have our mothers move in with us because we won't be able to take care of each other. Thank God for two spare bedrooms, three potties and two flat screen tvs.

All joking aside...right now I'm just searching for God's purpose in all of this. Honestly....because I don't understand it. I'm the type of person that will totally jump on board with something as long as I understand the purpose. If I can see the end result or the big picture of whats trying to get accomplished, I will support whatever is necessary to get there. So I have to figure out the purpose of putting both of us through knee surgeries within a two month span. Last summer's appendectomy really showed me and my parents that Craig was in this for the long haul and it also finally put an end to my nasty little smoking habit. But I just don't get this one yet.

And another reason I'm a bit frustrated? Two - possibly three - knee surgeries? A bit expensive. Especially considering I'd rather that money go to a trip to Boston and Maine this summer...but more importantly the wedding!! Sigh...I'm going to go get some ice cream. Mint Chocolate Chip always makes everything better.