Moving On...

As of June 6th and if the current circumstances remain, my coaching career will cease to exist.

Next year I will forge ahead as a full-time 8th grade Math and Algebra teacher, my days filled with lessons, reviews, tests, tutoring and grading papers.  

This means no more early morning practices, late night games and weekend tournaments.

In general....this is a good thing.

I think.

I mean, when I graduated college coaching middle school volleyball was probably the furthest thing from my mind.  I was going to be a MATH TEACHER and that was that.  But the universe led me in a completely different direction and I found myself coaching middle school volleyball and cross country for what has ended up being the past seven years.  And for the most part, it has suited me well - I stayed involved in the age of athletics (middle school) that I loved the most, I got to mentor girls and hopefully helped them become strong young women.....and I even won a few championships along the way.

My life has been divided into sporting seasons since I was in third grade - the first year my parents signed me up for the city basketball league after a year of gymnastics didn't pan out.  Four years of city league led to three years of A team middle school ball and then finally onto the Varsity team in high school.  I headed up the intramurals athletics teams in my college sorority which culminated with a flag football league victory my senior year.  And then I moved on from playing to coaching....

But what now?

I always joke with my co-workers that sometimes I really get tired of hearing my name.

"Coach!  Look at this!"

"Hey Coach?  What time are we leaving?"

"I don't know what to do Coach!?"

"Coach, I need to call my mom!  I forgot my jersey!"

"Can I go to the bathroom, Coach?"

"Coach, do you like unicorns or narwhals better?" 

(Yes.  An ACTUAL question from an ACTUAL athlete.)

There might have even been a time when I told my volleyball players that the next person to say my name had to do ten push-ups because I was THAT tired of hearing my name attached to a question.

Coach.....Coach.....Coach.

If I'm not COACH, am I now going to be a MRS.?  Yikes.

I think the title change is scarier than the actual JOB switch.

Things will be different.  Life will different.  I will have the luxury of leaving school if Natalie has a doctor's appointment, if there are errands that must be ran....or if I am flat out tired and ready to go home.

So why am I sitting here with tears in my eyes?  This is what I have wanted for several years - my principal coming into my room and presenting me with this opportunity was a the big signal from God as to where my life should be heading.  A slowed down life, spending time with Natalie and the even possibility of having a second child.

Yes.  Another baby.....not now, but sometime in the next year.

I had more or less resigned myself to the idea of Natalie being an only child because I didn't see an end to my coaching career given the economic and employment atmosphere in my district.  But this opportunity has presented itself and with Craig voicing his desire for a second child....I'm allowing myself to become excited, nervous and even a little starry-eyed about this next step in our life.

But back to those tears in my eyes.  I love coaching in the sense of....I love seeing the girls work hard, improve and then that MOMENT when it all clicks for them and they are successful.  I love the close relationships that I form from hours spent in gyms, locker rooms and on a bus together.  Those are the moments that I'm going to miss and those are the memories that I'm going to cherish forever.

I haven't told my girls yet and I am dreading the day when they find out.  The 8th graders will be sad....but they will be moving onto the high school shortly.  It's the 7th graders I worry about.  I don't want them to feel like I am abandoning them....like coaching them just wasn't good enough for me.

Because coaching them WAS good enough for me....until it just wasn't.

And this little curly headed girl is definitely a good enough reason to say good-bye.

My Sheryl

Remember the Titans

Walt Disney, 2000

Video HERE

Thursday night I took Natalie to watch Craig's Division I basketball team play in the first round of the district tournament, a game which he won by a sturdy twenty points.  But this obviously isn't the first time she's spent the evening in a gym but last night when I saw her sitting on the bench in the stands like a big girl, I had a flashback to the little girl featured in the video above.

This will be my child.

Well, I hope it is.  I want her to share our love of sports and competition.  I want her to feel the same passion and joy that her father and I did when we were growing up and playing team sports.  I want her to be her daddy's sidekick in the stands and on the sidelines.  I want her to grow up running around the gym helping the big girls during practice.  I want her to look forward to Daddy-daughter date nights at Stars and Mavericks games - with appropriate team colored hair bows and pigtails of course.  

Are YOU a warrior?

Warrior Dash Official Website

That's a very good question.  Am I?

Well......come April, we're going to find out.

I don't have a true "bucket list" that I've written out or anything but when I a friend of mine did this last year I was inspired.  I'm not really a runner, but I like a good challenge.  

The Warrior Dash is not your ordinary 5K.  There's mud, barbed wire and flames.  Oh.  And a big beer and viking helmet at the end.

It's going to be epic.

What I Know

As a coach:
- I know that I come to work with the very best of intentions to lead my teams to accomplish the goals that we as coaches have set forth for each individual division and member.

- I know that I do my best to allow my assistant coach to take the reins of his own teams so that he can gain more knowledge of the sport and more confidence in himself as a coach.

- I know that I try to form lasting and personal relationships with all the athletes but I also know that some relationships are formed easier than others because of similar personalities.

- I know that I outline and construct practice lesson plans in order to best cover the wide range of skills necessary for my teams to be successful.

- I know that much like in the classroom with grades, playing time is not GIVEN but instead EARNED.  Everyone has the same opportunity to show what they know but it is what you do with that opportunity that makes the difference.

As a player:
- I know that it's hard to come out of a game after a bad run of passes and plays.

- I know that it is not about me as an individual but instead about what is best for the team as a whole.

- I know that I must trust that my coach is doing the best he/she can do in order to ensure team and individual success.

- I know that not only am I competing against the other team for points but I am competing against my teammates for playing time.

- I know that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, both personally and as a team.

As a mother:
- I know that my role is not to satisfy her every desire on a daily basis, but instead keep my eyes pointed twenty years in the future at creating a functioning and contributing member of society.

- I know that I must model for my daughter how to have a positive self-esteem as well as a humble mindset by acknowledging that all my gifts are God given.

- I know that sometimes I must ignore my Momma Bear instincts and stand aside so that my daughter can resolve her own conflicts and thus become a stronger and more independent woman.

- I know that my daughter will experience heartaches and failures but that these are all part of life.  My role as her mother is not to fix or prevent the problems but instead help and empower her to self-soothe or resolve the issues on her own.

And overall:
- I know that I am doing the best I can with what I have and that is enough.

- I know that there is only one entity that I must please with my actions and that is God. 

- I know that I am loved by my friends, my parents, my brothers, my husband, my puppy dog and my baby girl.  And that is all that matters.

Strengths....I guess. Weaknesses....for sure.

My 7th graders this year are posing a particularly interesting challenge for me.  Only one girl out of 38 has ever really played competitive volleyball before and the majority of the last four weeks with them have been spent pounding the fundamentals of the sport into their brain repeatedly.  They are a sweet group of girls but they have kept me on my toes and have forced me to continually think outside of the box when it comes to preparing practices for them.

Today was no exception.

Friday afternoon practices with 7th graders are tough.  No one wants to be there - we all would much rather be heading home straight after school with a glorious and relaxing weekend stretched out in front of us.  The girls were in the midst of a competition drill which focused on getting three touches (pass, set, hit) before sending the ball back over the net to the opposing team.  I looked around the gym and there was no dedication, inspiration or perspiration for that matter.  Something had to be done.....something on a deeper level.

I ran into the coaching office, grabbed our cup of pencils and a stack of blank white printer paper and headed back into the gym and waited for the drill to finish.  I handed each girl a piece of white paper and a pencil and described their assignment:

1. Write five things in volleyball that you are really good at - could include physical things like passing or serving, but also the intangibles such as encouragement to teammates or focus on the court.

2. Write five things you struggle with in volleyball and things you need to improve.

3. Beside your struggles, include a team members name that you would like to emulate or that you could go to for help with that particular aspect of the game.

I gave them eight minutes to write and off they went with their respective teams (Division I, II and III) to separate corners of the gym to work on their assignment.

On a completely different note - while I was describing their assignment, my principal chose that moment to walk into practice to speak to me regarding an entirely separate subject.  He stood in the corner and listened to the directions I was giving the girls....BROWNIE POINTS FOR ME!!!  :)

After the girls finished their writing I had them share their thoughts and I sat down with my Division I team to partipate in the discussion.  From a coaching standpoint it was incredibly enlightening - I was able to find out who the physical leaders on the team were but more importantly, who my emotional leaders were which is knowledge that can change the course of a game for sure.

Although this information was good to have something bigger stood out to me.  Here is a collection of what the girls would say about their strengths:

"I am okay at serving."
"I pass to target sometimes."
"When my serves go in, they're really good."
"I think I know the rotation."

There are no definitive statements.....but when it came to their weaknesses they had no trouble laying it out.

"I really need to work on my serving."  (Imagine this said oh so dramatically by a 12 year old girl.)
"Ugh.  I do NOT understand the rotation!"
"I'm not a good passer."

In addition to being able to so clearly define their own weaknesses they also had no problem acknowledging which girls on the team were better than them at those skills!

This left me wondering - what would the "strengths" have sounded like if it was a group of 7th grade football players?  I have a feeling we would have had 38 different young men that are all better quarterbacks than Peyton Manning and who can run faster than Usain Bolt.

So here I am at the big picture.  Why is it that so many women have a problem feeling confident in their strengths?  And when does the switch happen from confident little girl who will be both an astronaut AND Miss America while serving as President of the United States to a seemingly fragile young woman who is afraid to acknowledge that they are good at ANYTHING?!  Is there a fear of being labeled "conceited" and "full of herself?" 

Being humble doesn't mean hanging your head down low and never having confidence in yourself.  For me it means to keep things in perspective and to have a realistic view of oneself. 

For example:
- I know that if you looked at my coaching career as a whole.....I am a great coach.  I have had and will continue to have my not so great moments here and there, but overall - I'm doing a very good job in all aspects of coaching and teaching.  The girls are learning and excelling in the sport as well as enjoying themselves along the way.
- God blessed with a natural aptitude for everything athletic.  Give me almost any sport and I can play it to some sort of higher level ability.  Obviously volleyball and basketball are my strongest sports, but I'm a great swimmer, I can throw a mean spiral with the football and I was the best girl on the church softball team in high school. 
- I am a leader.  I don't get nervous when I'm in front of a large group of people and I know how to give directions and convey information in a clear, concise and entertaining way.  People pay attention when I talk and naturally tend to do what I say.  Or maybe the kids are just a wee bit intimidated by me with my booming voice and six foot stature.  Ha, ha, ha. 

BUT...on the other hand:
- I have a short amount of patience.  I tend to want things done how I want them and when I want them.  I struggle with this daily because my precious little darlings don't always function at the level I would like and I have to really center myself sometimes before overreacting.
- I am not the craftiest person.  Every once in awhile I will get a wild hair and peruse the aisles of Hobby Lobby for a project, but most of the time I tend to outsource those kinds of things to my two incredibly talented and much craftier friends, Heather and Amy.
- I cannot sing and nor can I play an instrument.  God did not include these things in my list of talents.  But given the choice of voice selection, I would choose to sing like Adele.  Sigh.  Her songs and her voice speak to my soul.  Sidenote: one of the few positive memories I have of Natalie and I during my maternity leave was one night I was in the kitchen and while cooking dinner and listening to my iPod Natalie became increasingly upset and agitated.  I scooped her up off the playmat and began dancing around the kitchen with her in my arms all the while singing "Rolling in the Deep" from Adele's 21 album.  It is a picture I will forever hold in my heart because it was a moment of freedom from PPD when I could just enjoy a spontaneous ounce of joy with my daughter.

I ended my practice describing what I heard from the girls in the manner of which they spoke about their strengths and how timid they were to truly acknowledge that they were good at something.  I told them that when they said "I'm good at passing SOMETIMES" that the sentence should have ended after the word "passing."  It's okay to acknowledge that you're talented as long as you realize that there are imperfections as well.  And hopefully they also understood that struggles and challenges in volleyball are perfectly acceptable as long as you are actively pursuing an increase of skill in those areas - hence the writing down of people on the team that you admire for those skills.

Regardless of the greater societal implications that this little activity shined a light on, I think it helped to bring some unity to the girls as well as served as an interesting inventory of the girls' perception of each other for me.  I will be repeating it with my 8th graders on gameday next Thursday - I'm interested to see if another year of maturity and growth will produce stronger conviction in their attributes and maybe more complex weaknesses in their athletic and emotional abilities.

Momma Bear

I have a new title among my 8th grade Division I volleyball players.  I am no longer "Coach" but instead "Momma." 

Sounds a little creepy, right?  Let me give you the background.

I have a wonderful group of girls this year - they aren't necessarily the most athletically talented girls I've ever coached BUT they are the best listeners.  They generally trust me and my volleyball knowledge and when I tell them to do something different or make an adjustment to their game they do it and voila - they become a better player and a better team.  I would much rather coach a group of kiddos that listen and apply what I tell them than a team full of stubborn athletes.

There is one special young lady who has a very unique spark that is truly God given - she is full of life, incredibly witty and lights up the court and her teammates with her enthusiasm and energy.  But there is one thing that she struggles with in volleyball - her height.  She's my shortest player (but with the highest jump) and desperately wants to hit as easily as the taller girls.  This has been such a challenge for her that it landed her in tears one morning practice after a game.  She and I had a heart to heart about the challenges in life that God gives us and how this is just one of those things she is going to struggle with during volleyball.  I promised her that we would work on her hitting to find a way for her to be successful and have the glory that comes along with getting a great hit over the net.

Last night was our 3rd district game and I was a little nervous seeing how terrible the girls had played last week and this week we were playing a VERY tough team.  From the start of the very first volley I knew something special was going to happen.  My first six girls on the court were playing phenomenally - talking it up, serving well, passing perfectly and taking risks by hitting the ball on the third touch.

By the way - if you don't understand volleyball, I totally apologize for all the "lingo" I'm throwing around in this post.

The game was neck and neck, back and forth for every point and I was going hoarse from all the yelling, albeit it was GOOD yelling...but yelling nonetheless.  I called a time out and I looked at my little one and told her if she got the opportunity to hit "her" hit - she has a great back row attack (a jump and hit from behind the 10' line).  She and the other setting looked at me like I was crazy and they tried to convince me that physically that would never happen because of their position on the court, blah, blah, blah.  I cut them off and looked at her and said "If the opportunity happens...hit the dang ball from the back row.  I know you can do it."  She looked at me again like I was crazy but just said "Ok coach," and we broke from the huddle and the team returned to the court. 

And what would you know....in the next rally, the front row setter set the ball and there she comes from right back, flying through the air and KABOOM!  She sends if flying over the net, knocks down a member of the opposing team and we win the point.  The gym completely erupted as did the six girls on the court and the six sitting next to me on the bench.  The team collapsed on my special little girl and I wish I had a picture of the joy on her face. 

After I settled down from the excitement, I had tears in my eyes.

I love my girls.  That much I already knew.  I put my heart and soul into coaching them and as an emotional person I can't help but get attached to my 8th graders each year. 

But this year is different.  Maybe it's that I'm a mother now and I look at each of these girls as someone else's daughter.  Maybe it's just a special group of girls that I've formed a unique bond with.  I don't know.  But I wanted that hit for this girl.  Not because I wanted to get the team a point....but I wanted her to feel the joy, the pride and the accomplishment of that moment when you hit the ball and are successful.  I prayed that she would figure out how she can best serve her team and I'm so glad that I was able to find her "sweet spot" - that area on the court from which she can hit the best. 

So back to the Momma Bear.

Each morning after a game we get together as a team and hand out awards for the best plays and stand out players of the game the previous night.  Of course this girl got a special award - the heart award, given to the girl each week that plays with the most heart for the game.  I talked with the team about the discussions that this young lady and I have had regarding hitting and height.  I discussed how proud I was of her because I wanted that success for her - I wanted her to know that she can do anything she wants.  And of course, I got a little choked up about it and then that started me talking about how I am so much more of a sap after I had a baby.  They looked at me and said "Aww."  And thus started the "momma bear" comments. 

But I'm okay with it....because to a certain extent...during the volleyball season, I am their momma bear.  I push them to be better, I comfort them when they are having a bad day and I protect them from refs when they are in a game. 

I've always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and I always thought of this trait as a bad characteristic of mine.  But I feel that when my players know how much I care about them, not only as players but as young women as well....I think I inspire them to work harder, play smarter and become the best athletes and young women that they can be.

A response...

This post is in response to the comment a friend of mine from high school and basketball teammate, Leighann posted on a blog that I wrote a few days ago. She wrote:


"Im clapping!!! It's always bothered me that I could have gone somewhere with my basketball abilities, maybe not real far, but atleast college. I think it's funny I played AAU for 7 years in the most competative form you could find, yet I wasn't good enough for her high school team. I wish I could go back in time and do something about it, but I can't. It still bothers me to this day that I chose basketball over softball because I thought I could get somewhere better with that...then I hated it so bad, I quit! I have severe hatred towards that woman and I think I will always. Good blog...I love it!"

For a little backstory, Leighann and I were on the same basketball team when we were in sixth grade (the Lady Lakers!) and we played against each other throughout middle school but went to the same high school. My sophomore year I was put on the Varsity team because of the sole fact that I was six feet tall and they needed another post player. Leighann was on JV, but definitely the best player. On a regular district game night, the Varsity basketball team played first and the JV girls played second in the small gym. If I didn't play in the Varsity game (which happened most of the time) I would run down the hall to the small gym and play with JV. Although I understand the thought process, it put me in a tricky spot: neither team really accepted me as one of their teammates. Except Leighann - we were good friends on and off the court and sat the bench together throughout our Junior year, except when she was put into the game to drain some three's. At the end of our Junior year, she and I both approached our coach together and resigned from the team.

So, in response to Leighann's comment I wanted to let her know...that's why I love coaching middle school...because that's when it was still something fun to do with my friends. All my girls want to do is scrimmage in the gym and if I could, I would let them do that everyday because soon enough the sport they love will turn into a grueling job. I have found a lot of joy in the "old coaches" volleyball league that I play in every Wednesday night because it isn't about competition (well, maybe a LITTLE bit) but it's more about being active and playing a game that we truly love.

And to Leighann...I'm so excited for you and Bryan - both on the marriage and the new adventures in Spain!! I can't help but think back to all the movies that we used to watch over at Rohit's house and to the massive amounts of cruising we did in your T-top Firebird!