Baby #2

Ha!  Nope...I'm not pregnant...definitely enjoying being a momma to ONE baby right now and I want to soak up as much one-on-one time with her as I can.  But that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about how her labor, delivery and recovery went and what I would like to do differently next time.

- Since Natalie was born via c-section, I will have my next baby that way as well.  Although a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) is physically possible, there are many risks that go along with it and I don't think that Craig and I are willing to take those risks.  After Natalie was born I was really struggling with having a c-section because I felt like an essential experience of motherhood and pregnancy was taken from me and I was sad that for my subsequent pregnancies I wouldn't have the experience of "am I in labor? Are these contractions?  Should we go to the hospital?"  But then I realized something...even though we will schedule a c-section date for Baby #2, that doesn't mean that the baby will wait until that date - he/she could come early!  I will still have contractions and we will still be on Baby Watch...but the only difference being that we will definitely have a date of eviction.

- It's no secret that I really wanted a little girl as my first child.  I'm not sure why it was so important to me - maybe because of the clothes, the prospect of playing dolls, having a little mini-me running around, the close relationship I have with my mother...probably a combination of all of those things.  And with having my first child I had no idea of what to expect after the baby was born and so I wanted everything set up and ready to go in our house and in her nursery before her big debut.  Next time around...I really have no preference as to the gender of the child and our plan is to not find out and to be surprised when the baby is born.  What a fun image I have in my head about the birthday of number two - Craig and I in the operating room eagerly anticipating the doctor's words "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"  How fun would that be?!  And what a change of emotion from the birth of Natalie where I cried the entire time because I was scared and nervous and felt like a general failure!  I know that people say "what about planning for the nursery?"  Well, Natalie was three months old when she started sleeping in her room so I figure I have time after the baby is born before the nursery needs to be ready.  During the pregnancy I can get things organized and ready - drawer dividers have no gender specifications and neither does furniture...it's either white or brown.  I can go ahead and pick out bedding for either a boy or a girl and maybe even try to have a similar color scheme so that we can paint the room one color that would go with either bedding. 

- The only people allowed up at the hospital before the baby is born will be my mother and Craig.  Everyone else will be invited up after the baby is born and I have gotten settled in and am ready for visitors.  I didn't do a great job of setting my boundaries in the labor and delivery room with Natalie and there were WAY more people in the room with me than I initially wanted.  I think it goes along with my general nature of wanting to make everyone happy and not step on anyone's toes but I realize now that giving birth is the one time in a woman's life when she really does get to call the shots and not care if anyone's toes get stepped on...because the birth of the child is NOT ABOUT THEM.  It's only about the mother, the father and the baby becoming a family.  Now that I understand that and I have confidence in my needs and the needs of my baby and family I will have no problem setting those boundaries and sticking to them.

- I want Natalie to be the first person to meet the baby after he/she is born.  After I am wheeled back to the LD room after delivery in the OR I want Craig to go get Natalie from the waiting room with our parents and bring just her back where we can introduce her to her baby brother/sister and have some quiet time as just a family of four.

- I guess this goes along with the above statement about setting boundaries and standing my ground when it comes to what is best for myself and my family...but there will be limitations on visitors when we are in the hospital and when we bring the baby back home.  And yes...visitors include family members.  Luckily most of my friends have children and understand how crazy those first few weeks are and were very respectful of our time and energy. 

So far that is all I have but I think it's a pretty important list.  There were a lot of undeclared and vastly differering expectations of accessibility and boundaries after Natalie was born and it has caused quite a bit of frustration, hurt feelings and general malcontent within the circle that surrounds our little family.  I will own up to my part - I should have put my foot down and clearly stated what I wanted and what was unacceptable and not cared about hurting anyone's feelings.  I know that now and will not make the same mistakes twice because my job as a mother is to do what is best for my child.

Popped!

Natalie Teneile Nelson born on Tuesday, March 8th at 1:43pm.  She weighed 8lb. 6oz. and was 21.5 in. long.  She was delivered via c-section which went against what I had originally wanted and planned on, but in the end it came down to her being delivered healthy and safely and that was how it all had to happen.  It was an emotional decision for me at the time, but by the next day I was over it and ready to enjoy my baby.

First...a few pictures:

Holding her for the first time in the labor and delivery room after I returned from the OR.

We brought a few items to the hospital for her first photos; I brought Mardi Gras beads and Craig brought a basketball.  Please keep in mind that the basketball is a MINI ball and therefore my daughter is really not that huge.

Craig preparing to go into the operating room with me - I was still emotional at this point so I think he was trying to get me to laugh.  He was pretty successful.

A moment alone in the room just the three of us.

Momma and her Mardi Gras baby.

1. I was in the hospital from Tuesday morning and we were released around noon on Friday.  I was pretty pleased with the new Presbyterian hospital and I don't have too many complaints.  Of course there were your standard nurses - there were ones that I loved and ones that I was relieved when their shift was over.  I think my main complaint was how some of the baby nurses didn't mind manhandling my goods when we were trying to get Natalie latched on so she could feed.  I usually require dinner and a movie before I get to second base with people.  The worst night was Tuesday night because I was severely anemic due to the loss of blood during the procedure and I had really low blood pressure.  I was dizzy and having hot flashes which ultimately ended in my throwing up but by Wednesday morning I was feeling better and VERY hungry.

2. We had lots of visitors while we were in the hospital: my parents, my brother Stephen and his wife Meredith, my friends Heather, Amy, Kate, Kelly, Beri, Dana and Emily, Craig's mother and sister and her two friends Sonya and Dave and of course Memaw.  We were able to get a few moments alone with just the three of us and the best night was Wednesday when we had a family "date night" when Craig came up and we all watched the Stars game together.  My mom and dad met us at the house on Friday night and came bearing a delicious "first night at home" dinner: meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole.  Mmm.  My mom stayed the night Friday just to help with late night feedings and to show us how to properly bathe her the next morning.  Craig's Aunt Kay arrived on Saturday afternoon for her annual Spring Break visit and we wanted to make sure that we had a clean baby to show her.  On Sunday Natalie met her cousins Alexander and Ford for the first time - Alex was very intrigued and interested in Natalie and Ford...I think he just wanted to hold her because his big brother had gotten to hold her.

3. I'm feeling really good.  The pain from the incision is nothing that a few vicodin can't handle and so far, Natalie has been kind enough not to keep us up too much at night so that during the day I'm not a complete zombie.  I haven't had any postpardum emotional meltdowns but I have a feeling that once Craig goes to school next week, it might be a different story. 

4. When I first held her, I wasn't that struck by the amount of love that I had for her.  I looked at her and quite frankly, she wasn't what I had expected.  I guess since I was the one that was carrying her for nine months, I figured that she would come out as a little exact replica of myself.  But instead she definitely has Craig's eyes and it was weird to think that although she came from me...she looked like Craig.  I'm over it now, but it was a very odd realization at the very beginning.  Craig and I were talking at dinner last night about if our love for each other had changed and how we had felt when we first held her and all that other stuff that goes along with having a baby.  I told him that everyday since she arrived, I have fallen more and more in love with her.  I don't think I will ever quite understand the depth of my love for her, and that I will discover new layers of my love with every event in her life - whether it's from beaming with pride when she is successful at something or when I'm disappointed in a poor choice that she's made.  I think that if I was to experience the full amount of love I have for her all at one time it would be too overwhelming for me.

5. Angie has been absolutely amazing.  You would think that she had given birth to this little girl.  She is completely and utterly protective of Natalie and is often the first one at attention when she cries during the night.  If we don't get to her quick enough once she starts to whimper or cry, Angie gets very agitated and upset that we aren't responding.  When someone other than Craig or myself is holding her, Angie is continually staring them down to make sure that her little baby is properly taken care of.  She has also been taking more naps during the day since she is up with me at every nighttime feeding, changing or rocking.  I couldn't be more proud of how easily she accepted Natalie as part of her pack and how quickly she committed herself to protecting her.

I guess that's about it for now...

The final two minutes

It's no secret - I can be pretty intimidating when necessary.  I know how to use my size to my advantage on the volleyball or basketball court...or when I'm staring down an unruly class of 6th graders.  I know I can come across as pretty scary and when put on the net, I will try to slam the ball down your throat and when I'm under the basket, I will be using my elbows and knocking you down.  I love being physical and getting my aggression, anger and angst out during a competitive sports game.  It's even better when that physicality leads to a kill, a rebound...or a win for my team.

But don't let my tough game face fool you.  I am a big baby when it comes to pain.  I don't like being hurt, injured, inconvenienced, incapacitated or uncomfortable.  Some of it is probably due to the idea that I like being independent and doing things for myself but most of it is just out of the sheer fact that...I have a very low tolerance for pain and can sometimes be a bit of a hypochondriac.  It's not my fault, my brain just immediately goes to "what is the worst possible scenario" and therefore I think I'm fractured my entire foot when in reality it's probably just a mild sprain. 

I'd make a great Boy Scout because I'm always prepared for everything.

So how does this relate to the journey that I'm about to take?  Well, in the past week, pregnancy has gone from uncomfortable but manageable to unbearable and GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!  Walking is painful due to her head resting securely in the DOWN position and my back pain never ceases.  I'm not sleeping (poor Angie isn't either) and I feel like an 80 year old woman with arthritis in my fingers and toes.  In a few simple words...I'M DONE.  And all I really want to do is lie in bed, cuddle with Angie, watch television and have people bring me food.  But unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the "uncomfortableness" and I know that I have to get a better attitude or else I'm going to make everyone else's life as unbearable as my own. 

As an athlete, I'm a big believer in mental preparedness, visualization and positive thinking.  So the other day I gave myself a pep talk: it's the final two minutes of the game and I have a choice...I can either lie down and die and let the other team roll over me or I can not give up and keep driving to the basket.  It sounds cheesy but it has helped get me through each day with a slightly better attitude...and I'm sure everyone around me appreciates that.

Getting her out...

I have really tried to stay away from the over hyped pregnancy websites and books - you know, the ones that can tell you everything that could go wrong at any given moment in the development of your baby? Yeah...I cry at ASPCA commercials and I'm the girl that if I can't remember, I go back home in the mornings to make sure I turned my straightener off. I don't need any extra reasons to worry. I've really TRIED to put this pregnancy in God's hands - he already knows my baby intimately and has a fantastic plan for her. I often had to remind myself that he is making her in the way that is going to be best for our family and best for her...all I can do is keep myself as healthy as possible and He will take care of the rest! But as we all know, sometimes that is easier said than done!

Having said all that...I did notice in many of the resources that I perused in my early pregnancy before Craig cut me off for fear of me developing into an even CRAZIER pregnant woman, that many women create Birth Plans that dictate how they would like certain aspects of their delivery to happen. I can understand that - as a person who is the consummate planner, I have a definite idea of how I'd like this whole thing to go down, but as a person who knows herself? I just don't think it would be necessary nor emotionally beneficial for me to put one together. Do I have certain ideas of how I would like my labor and delivery to go? Absolutely. Will I be disappointed if things don't go exactly my way? Well...I'll be honest when I say that yes, I probably will be a little upset BUT I think that if I put my desires in writing then I will get super attached to THAT specific plan and when it doesn't go my way, I will be devastated. So, I'm adopting the same thought process with the labor and delivery that I have tried to maintain with the pregnancy. God already has a plan. And I'm hoping that His plan and my plan will be very similar but in the end, I truly want my baby girl to be healthy and happy and me to be healthy and happy. However that has to happen, I will be okay with because I am going to try to focus on the end result - healthy mommy and baby.

But what does my "ideal" plan look like? Pretty average, I suppose...
- Natalie will be born in the new Presbyterian hospital just a few miles down the road which is great because it is practically brand new and super close to our house.
- I am really praying for a relatively quick labor and a vaginal delivery...but I do plan on using an epidural. I'm a weenie.
- I don't want to be "hovered" over while I'm in the hospital. If I need something, I will ask for it.
- There are three people allowed in the delivery room with me: my mother, Craig and Craig's mother. I reserve the right to kick any and everyone out at any point in time.
- I'm in the process of putting together a playlist of music that relaxes me. Such as: Dog Days are Over by Florence and the Machine, Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley, Stand By You by The Pretenders.
- Craig will not stay overnight with me at the hospital if both his women are healthy and safe. We are close enough to the house that he can go home for the night and if he can get a good night sleep, he will be more helpful to me during the day when he comes back up to the hospital. Plus...if he stays at the hospital overnight, who will cuddle Angie?!

I've had lots of my friends and family have babies and each pregnancy and delivery has been different than all the others. What a luxury we do have in this country that people get to choose from such a wide range of possibilities! I've approached this delivery like a buffet - I've seen what there is out there through the people in my life and Craig and I are choosing the pieces that seem to fit us best. And what ultimately fits us best is having Natalie get here safely and soundly and we think that what I've outlined above will hopefully get that accomplished!

We're taking a tour of the hospital next Thursday evening just to get acquainted with the surroundings but I don't think we're going to be taking any of the classes that are offered. My brothers and sisters-in-law got us a gift certificate for a lady to come and give us a personalized baby class of our choosing before Natalie is born. I'm going to email her tomorrow and I think I want to focus on general baby care (Craig has never changed a diaper), breastfeeding, a general outline of labor and delivery (again...Craig has no idea of what is going to happen) and then some basic relaxation and pain relieving techniques.

When we first got pregnant and would talk about the delivery, Craig would make lots of jokes about how it was "gross" and that he would be in the next room with a walkie-talkie helping me through labor. Not funny. One night at dinner at PF Changs, I cried at the table when he went on one of his labor joke tirades and I explained through my tears that labor was scary for me - I was the one that was going to have all these weird and "gross" things happening to my body and that I was self-conscious enough about all of it...I didn't need him to be adding onto my fears and worries. He hasn't made a joke about it since. I don't think he really has any clue about what has to happen to my body in order for this baby to come out but I think it began to hit home as he held our friend Dana's 8lb. newborn baby girl. He looked down at Jacklyn and up at Dana sitting on the bed and he says "This is a big baby. And she was in you...this morning." I think that's when he "got" it. There is a human inside of his wife and the human will get big and will have to come out. And it's not a joke. It's going to hurt me and I will need his support. Thank goodness for Dana - she works with him in the PE department and has let him in on lots of helpful tidbits about pregnancy, delivery and babies.

My next course of action is to get Natalie's room finished (we're going to get a crib this weekend) and then organize all her stuff (party with my mom and Amy!!). I'm starting to get things ready at work - all my kids know the general plan of events from now until Spring Break: some final exams next week followed by three weeks of basketball and then Project Alert (the drug and alcohol awareness course) until I deliver. I think my principal is in the process of interviewing people for my position and I'm hoping that I will get a little say in the person chosen because I love and care about my little 6th graders and I want someone who is going to treat them as well as I do.