Death of a Salesman

Awhile back I posted a list of men never to date...bartenders, fraternity guys, etc. And now I am adding another type of guy - the salesman.

I recently dated a guy in franchise sales. Tall, tan, dark hair with green eyes. Smart, funny - someone I could take anywhere and he would fit in. He always made everyone laugh and was intelligent to blend into any conversation. He made people want to talk to him and be around him.

The consummate salesman.

We've broken up, but still talking occasionally and having the dinner and drinks. I don't know if I'm putting feelings or expectations on these conversations and dinners that shouldn't or aren't there but I think they need to stop. Everytime I get off the phone or leave the restaurant, all I can think about is how much fun we have together - good conversation and lots of laughs. And then I sit there and wonder (like I'm doing right now) that if we have so much in common and we have such a good time together then why doesn't it work out? But I've come to realize that it's not about our interactions...it's his JOB to make people want to be around him - that's what pays his bills.

I understand how someone could break up with him and then keep wanting to go back. He makes you laugh, he gives good hugs, he listens and he's smart. Everytime you're around him he makes you think that things could work out...but unfortunately for him, it's all just part of the game.

In the immortal words...

He makes me think "I want you to want me" but it's all part of his cheap trick.

It's Been Awhile

So....it's been awhile since I've last blogged and I think the reason is that I have actually been really happy for the past month. It's so easy to sit here and be upset or contemplative or depressed and write a whole long entry voicing my frustrations and complaints but when it comes to being happy and writing about it...it's a lot harder.

For those of you keeping score...if you guessed that my six month break would last three months - you win the prize.

At the beginning of July, I went out on a old guy friend's boat and we kind of fell into each other. He's smart, funny, attractive, ambitious and active. We have a great time together - whether it's out with friends, sitting around watching tv or at the lake. He makes me laugh. And he makes me feel good about myself (not that I need his compliments in order to boost my self esteem, but you know). He makes me want to be myself because that's the person that he's attracted to.

It all sounds so great, right?

Unfortunately, there's always a little snag and this time it's a big snag. He used to date one of my very close friends in high school and on and off after we graduated. I'm not going to get into the details of these relationships right now out of respect for my friend. But I would like her to know, if she's reading, that I'm sorry for the communication issues we had. You know that my intention was never to hurt you. I was scared to talk about him to you because I didn't want you to feel like I was rubbing in your face that we were dating. I understand that right now what you need is space, but I hope that in the future we can rebuild our friendship.

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a GREAT time. Friday, a friend of mine from high school and I celebrated our joint birthdays (his is July 28th) by going to dinner in FW and then to our reserved tables complete with bottle service at a chic bar downtown. It was a pretty great night, unfortunately because of our bill, I will NOT be buying any new school clothes. A lot of people gasped at the amount of money he and I layed down for this party....but the way I see it - this is my first real grown up party. I have worked hard for the past few years graduating college and getting a great paying job doing what I love. Why not celebrate my 24th birthday in style? It's not like I'm ever going to do this again...it's definitely not a weekly thing by any means. I felt like I was not only celebrating my 24th birthday but also the fact that I have reached a point in my life where I can look around and feel satisfied. I cleaned my apartment on my birthday - not exactly glamorous, but it needed to be done. When I was finished and I was getting ready to leave to eat dinner with my parents, brother and his crew, the boyfriend and my fairy godmother and her husband, I looked around my apartment and I was satisfied and proud. The bf and I talked about this the other night on the way home from a very successful trip to the lake for a little wakeboarding (I got outside and back inside the wake and rode the board while he did a turn with the boat!!!). I really have no reason to be upset or depressed about my situation in life. I've got a great family and equally wonderful friends. I found a relationship that I'm really excited about (and the feeling is mutual). I have a great job which provides with an ample salary to keep up a fabulous and spacious apartment, a car payment for my awesome Acura, and a closet full of clothes and shoes. What more could I really ask for?

So, as I stand at the edge of a new year of my life and a new school year....I'm satisfied and optimistic. I am feeling pretty confident that I'm going to be okay.

The Cheese's Least Wanted

Since I graduated college, I have been forming a little list in my head of people NOT to date. This list includes...

- Fraternity boys, or college guys in general
- Waiters
- Guys that never went to college, or didn't finish
- Anyone under 6'2, which limits my possibilities, but it is important to me

And now I can add another one to the list: BARTENDERS

Yes, yes, I know - this should be a given. But...I like to learn through experience.

Hot bartenders are like animals in the zoo - they're fun to look at and to flirt with, and in my case - a necessity for life, but ultimately, they need to stay in their cage, aka behind the bar.

Random

I made a mistake yesterday. I took a nap around 5:00 and therefore had an incredibly difficult time falling asleep, which is probably why I heard the unmistakable sound of my cell phone notifying me of an incoming text message. Please keep in mind that it's about 1:45 in the AM. I'm thinking that it's just one of my friends whose a little drunk wanting to tell me that they love me. You know how it goes.

Not so much.

This is the text that I received:

"What u doing i think i m getting married"

It was from the dreaded David. You know - emotionally retarded, alchoholic, cokehead, abusive...YAY! I love hearing from him at two in the morning. It takes me back to those wonderful nights when he would show up at my apartment drunk at two or three in the morning, banging on the window, demanding for me to let him in so that he could completely berate me and leave me in a panic attack.

Let me relay the text conversation for you.

DP: What u doing i think i m getting married

LC: Please leave me alone

DP: U called me last i was rude sorry just being nice wondering wat u up 2
* I had called him a few weeks ago asking him to STOP GIVING MY PHONE NUMBER TO THE CREDITING AGENCIES that were looking for him.

LC: Trying to sleep

DP: Sorry good night!

LC: Thank you. I will say a prayer for you "wife" because she will need it
* Tacky, I know...but I had to get it in there somehow. I do not wish him upon ANY woman.

DP: No i need it, as of now i m walking out

LC: Arent we a little old for drama at two in the morning?

DP: I m trin 2 be friends

And I'm out at this point. Dunzo. Turned my phone on silent, shook my head and went to sleep. Should I have even responded to his first text? Probably not. But, sadly, whenever I think about him, or hear from him, or see his picture, I still have some anger towards him. I still want him to hurt as badly as I did when we were together. I want him to know what it felt like for me to be curled in a corner of my bathroom, sobbing, after he told me that "Even if I put a ring on a girl's finger, it doesn't mean it will be forever. My fraternity brothers will be there forever." Ouch. And at the time that he said this, we had been together for a year and a half already.

Oh. And I found out later that he was drunk and high on cocaine at the time. And at work. Can you say WINNER?

Cooking Lesson

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.

I have met the man of my dreams.

Unfortunately, all the characteristics about him that I love about this man are scattered throughout the many boys and the few men that I have dated.

Creating the man that I want to spend the rest of my life is like concocting an extremely difficult recipe.

Well, actually ANY recipe is extremely difficult for me. I had to call my mom and get directions on how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. No joke.

Anyways...here's the rundown on the boys...
David P: 6'4 and about 200 pounds of muscle and athleticism. Beautiful.
David B: Intelligence combined with ambition, as well as nice paychecks. (Shallow, but necessary)
Barry M and Quint M: Good Ol' Boy mentality. Perfectly comfortable grilling out by the lake, listening to Texas Country and playing football in the water.
Justin C: Good Catholic boy with manners who dotes on his mother and grandmother. My mother loved him. I believe that she had actually been planning the wedding since she placed us in the same Religious Education class in 9th grade.
Jordan H: Die hard liberal with a scathing sarcastic streak.
Zane W: Ahh. The illusive Aussie. Incredibly outgoing and free spirited, with a hint of habitual ADD. Always got us into bars and other establishments in downtown Ft. Worth ahead of the line and for free.

Listing out all the qualities about these guys that I loved makes me miss them...so in the effort of NOT contacting ex-boyfriends, I will list the qualities that were the deal breaker for me.

David P: Obsessive, alcoholic, abusive, emotionally immature. Need I say more?
David B: Too emotionally independent and uptight.
Barry M: Ambition? Never heard of the word.
Quint M: Radically different religious views.
Justin C: Everything was perfect with him...except there was no passion. I need passion and he couldn't deliver.
Jordan H: A great summer fling and then back to being friends.
Zane W: Ditto with Barry.

Please do not think poorly of these men, (except David P - feel free to get out your voodoo dolls) because with many of them...I think that it was just poor timing of where they and I were at in our individual lives. Thus creating a reason why it was never going to work out. I don't truly think that any of them are bad people or anything like that. I believe that finding "true love" is a combination of the right person at the right time. If I had met and dated these people at different times in our own lives, then quite possibly it could have worked out. But it wasn't and it didn't. I never repeated a grade in school and I apply the same attitude towards dating. If it didn't work out the first time, it won't work out...EVER.

Confusion

So...it's been awhile since I've blogged but it's mostly due to the fact that I haven't really had anything to blog about. I took a few weeks off from the bar scene and actually stayed at home on both Friday AND Saturday nights. This was good for a few reasons - first of all, when you're not at the bar with a guy by your side, a night out drinking costs a LOT more. And also...I'm learning to be alone, but more importantly - to be OKAY when I'm alone.

There has been something else running through my neurotic, slightly self-obsessed and very vain little brain lately. All through college and post college up until this point, I always had to be dating the IT guy. Maybe it started with the pressure from the sorority to date only the guys from the hottest fraternity, despite the fact that they were complete neaderthals or maybe I was trying to compensate for not ever feeling like I was considered pretty and "date-able" by the hot guys in middle and high school. Whatever the reason, I dated the beautiful men. The ones that should be on the cover of GQ although they didn't have two brain cells to rub together. Beautiful, but incredibly vapid. I always pictured myself marrying a beautiful man and having beautiful children living in a beautiful house driving beautiful cars and blah, blah, blah. Sadly, I was, well I still am, so concerned with what people from high school and college think of the guys that I date. I want them to see the pictures I post on myspace or facebook and think "Damn! She looks good - and look at her hot boyfriend." But, why do I have ANYTHING to prove to them? The people I truly care about don't care about the GQMP (GQ Model Potential) of a guy that I date. They just want to make sure that he treats me right and I'm happy in the relationship in general.

When I expressed this sentiment to my middle brother, Mike, who has always been the "screw 'em if they don't like it" kind of guy, he seemed relieved that I had finally come to this conclusion.

"Munchkin Butt (his affectionate nickname for me) you're finally growing up."

I personally think that it's more than just growing up. Everyone grows up because everyone has a birthday, but not everyone MATURES. And maybe that's the difference. Maybe I'm trying to mature in the type of people I date and the type of relationships that I form. I'm not looking for some amazingly beautiful guy that I can take out just to impress my friends. In truth, they'd be more impressed if he had a real job with a steady income and could hold a conversation at dinner.

There's always a loophole

The first few days of my dating experiment went well. I have managed to adhere to all the rules and regulations that I posted earlier. Of course, it was pretty easy to do judging from the fact that every day, I woke up and went to work and then coached and came home and watched American Idol or something similar. I encountered my first major tempation last night at a birthday celebration at a local restaurant/bar. I went with some people from work and I was having a delightful time - some dinner, some drinks, some dancing and some good conversation.

And then he walked by. All 6'7" of him.

It was like being in the middle of the ocean and dying of thirst, yet there was only salt water to drink.

But back to the story. He was pretty, with a good build and definitely checking me out. I come to find out through later events that he is a professional baseball player.

*Please be advised that I have and still am suffering from an addiction to athletes, especially successful ones.

What is a girl to do? Well, he did get my number, but never called...which I think is probably better for my life in the long run.

It was an ego booster - it showed me that I don't have to pursue the men...in time, the right one will chase after me.