Picture Perfect

At the top of the stairs in our home, I've started a big wall of black and white family pictures framed in those floating frames from Target.  Part of my summer picture goal is to add a few more recent pictures of Natalie and our family to this wall.  I desperately wish that I could be more interested in the fine tuning aspects of photography - the lighting, the settings, using one of those big lenses, and the post production editing, but there is just SO much information out there that it really stresses me out.  So instead, I just hire fabulous people to take wonderful portraits of my child and family for me.  Luckily, affordable camera technology has gotten much better since the Polaroid days and even with my standard Canon Power Shot I was able to snap the following pictures of my family.

Transfixed by the trash men going up and down our street.

Sigh.  Will her hair EVER do what I want it to do?

One of my favorites - she is so concentrated.

Angie has so much soul in her eyes.

All three of them checking out events going on at the neighbor's house.

If I do say so myself....she is a gorgeous little girl.

My favorite picture of the pups....noses to the ground, but eyes up at Momma.

Both Angie and Ajax are so patient with Natalie and always giving her kisses.

Ajax is very dignified.

I am going to edit this picture in some way - maybe crop it and put it in black and white - and give it to Craig for Father's Day from Natalie.

Blurry picture....but my baby got some sweet new kicks.  I know, I know!  She's barely a year old and already has two pairs of Nikes.  But I don't spend a lot on her clothes and awesome sneakers are pretty important to our family.

While Natalie and I were rolling around on the ground and playing the other night, I looked up and saw this. My husband surrounded by the two pups.  What a life those dogs lead.

This and That

- Natalie is now up to saying four words consistently and with meaning.  The obvious two being Mama and Dada but she's added "dog-dog" for either of the pups (yes, there are two dogs - more on that later) and "shhh-s" for shoes.  This morning as I was getting ready in the bathroom she snuck into the closet and was picking up different tennis shoes, holding them over her head and saying "SHH-S!"  Not sure if I should be proud........or terrified.  We'll be holding off on a trip to DSW with her anytime soon.

- Yep.  We added another member to our family on Sunday.  Craig and I had spotted a dog at a Stars game a couple weeks ago that seemed like he would be the perfect addition to our home.  Jax is a three year old pure bred black and tan dachshund.  He has been living with a foster momma 50 miles east of Dallas ever since his human family moved homes and abandoned him, his lady friend and all his puppies to fend for themselves.  Sigh.  He is super calm and relaxed - a definite cuddler and snuggler.  When he and Angie first met each other I was a bit nervous just because Angie is not exactly known for her welcoming nature but there were no fireworks, no growls, no hackles raised.......in fact it was quite anticlimactic.  The two dogs really didn't pay each other any attention at all and it wasn't until we had Jax for a full twenty-four hours that the animals actually interacted with each other.  We have renamed Jax to Ajax just because we have Angie and my parents have Andy and Annabelle - he just couldn't be the only pup not to have an "A" name.

- I'd like to think that I hold myself to a pretty high standard of behavior and it really bothers me when other people don't do the same.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around bad behavior from adults.  I struggle with finding forgiveness and grace to those that behave in a manner that I would never dare behave.  I also struggle with holding myself to that standard all the time and forgiving myself when I falter.  It's a cycle.  That is all I have to say about that.

- Florence + the Machine and Mumford & Sons are probably my favorite soul-fulfilling bands as of late.  They are quickly joining the ranks of U2, The Beatles and Kings of Leon as my go-to playlists on a bad day or when I just need some quiet reflecting music.

- I have a lot of parties coming up and I always get anxiety any time I open up my home for a celebration.  My mother's birthday dinner is this weekend and then in March I'm throwing not one, but TWO birthday parties for Natalie.  Please believe me when I say that her birthday is not going to be as extravagant as it sounds.  I just get nervous about people liking my food or having a good time......or even coming at all.

My Angie

Saturday, June 20th, 2009: Angie's Day of Adoption

Two years ago Craig and I were driving home from lunch with his mom and sister when Craig casually turned into the parking lot of a pet store and mentioned that we should take a look.  I told him that if he wasn't serious about getting a dog, then we should just go home...because taking me to look at dogs and not getting one was absolutely evil.  He assured me that he thought that it might be time for us to add a four legged baby to our family of two.  We searched through the pet store at all the cute puppies, but something about the store just didn't sit well with me.  Growing up my favorite dog was Gigi...the ultimate mutt who my mother found abandoned at the church one cold Wednesday night.  I knew what we had to do - we drove home and looked up the address and information for Operation Kindness in Carrollton.  It was still open for a few more hours.  I handed Craig the keys and we were off...and I was nervous.  Animal shelters scared me because I was afraid that I was going to get upset seeing the puppy dogs that were all so desperate for me to take them home.  After searching some of the kennels, we test drove a hound dog named Truffles, but after loving on Truffles and her white fur for a bit...my black pants were covered with the remnants of Truffle-love.  We went back to the small dog kennels and looked again.  Then, hiding quietly in the back of a kennel behind a ferociously noisy dog sat a dark brown, big eyed and floppy eared dog that bore the tell take signs of a dachshund.  I checked out the puppy dog's info that was attached to her kennel and called Craig over.  She was in the age range we wanted (young, but not a puppy), she was around the ideal size for us (small, but not toy size) and to me...she seemed to have soulful eyes that pleaded with me to take her home.  I walked her around the outdoor area at the shelter and talked with Craig and the shelter volunteer about our needs, our home and what type of dog might be best for our family.  Right before we went back into the shelter, I leaned down to this little puppy dog and looked into her round, brown eyes and asked her "Would you like to come home with me?"  My answer was a big lick on my nose and with tears in my eyes I glanced over to Craig.  "This one.  I want her.  We're getting her."

On the first day at home with her new family. 

She was originally named "Marie" by the shelter, but Craig and I just didn't think it was an appropriate name for a puppy dog.  During the drive home from the shelter to our house, Craig and I discussed names.  I suggested "Angie" and Craig asked how in the world I came up with that.  It was easy..."because she is the most beautiful dog in the world so we will name her after the most beautiful woman in the world...Angelina Jolie."  And so "Marie" became "Angelina Marie Nelson."

Angie and her cousin dogs, Annabelle and Andy.

Angie's best friends live at my parent's house.  The first time Angie ever met the cousins she was meek and shy at first, not wanting to leave my lap.  Andy and Annabelle refused to take no for an answer and soon enough Angie had ventured out of the safety of my lap to interact and play with the cousin pups.  I was a little disappointed at first because Angie was so reserved and skittish around anything and everything new to her.  But after a little bit of playing with Andy and Annabelle, she began to make her momma very proud...especially when she established herself among "the pack" as the Alpha Dog.  That's my girl.



Craig, Angie and me at my 26th birthday party.

 

 Angie the snow pup.

Believe it or not...Angie loves to wear clothes.  She gets excited when I pull out her hoodies (yes...plural...she has more than one), or her Big Sister t-shirt and especially her lady bug Halloween costume.  This past Halloween everytime the doorbell rang to signal another Trick or Treater, she would sprint off the couch and trot her little ladybug butt to the front door to greet the children.

Angie and Natalie, April 8th - Natalie's One Month Birthday

This is probably one of my favorite pictures of my two babies. 

  

Angie always has to check on her baby to make sure she is okay.

Whoops!  Snuck in a kiss while momma was trying to take a picture!

This picture was taken by my friend Amy when she, Heather and I were all finishing up Natalie's room a few weeks before she was born.  Angie was anxious and nervous the whole time...I think she sensed that something was about to change her whole little world.  I know some people say that one of the things that happens after a baby is born is that the dog no longer is your baby but instead, just your dog.  And for some people that might be the case, but I just can't do that to my Angie.  She is more than a dog to me - she truly is my companion.  She has kept me company on lonely Saturdays while Craig was at tournaments and she was always first into the bathroom during my pregnancy when I would get sick. 

Who would have thought, two years ago when this little creature came into our house and tore things up and peed on everything, that she would become such an integral member of our family?

I love you my Angie girl.

Guilt Stricken

Angie woke me up at 1:30, 3:30, 4-something, a little after 5:00...the times get a little blurry after that...this morning to use the potty outside. After a few trips I was worried about what was wrong with her digestive system so I carried my LED flashlight downstairs with me and spotlighted her butt while she used the bathroom in the darkness of the night.

You should have seen the glare I got from my dog.

Unfortunately, my worst fears were confirmed...Angie had diarrhea...again. Sigh. I waited until this morning to make sure that it wasn't a one-off thing and sure enough around 9:30 she had another...experience. I called the vet and made an appointment for 4:00 this afternoon. I felt like I was overreacting a bit so hastily making an appointment for her, but after she had been so sick a couple weeks ago, I wasn't going to take any chances.

Sure enough, I was correct when she tested "faintly positive" for Giardia, which is kind of like a tummy virus for dogs and cats. I feel absolutely TERRIBLE because this disease is passed through the infected stools of other animals or through infected water. I know that it's just something that happens - animals and humans get sick. I know that my house is clean and so is the yard...but I just feel so guilty. Like I didn't take good enough care of her the first time so now she's sick again.

In my defense, the vet did say that Giardia in the area that I live has the tendency (for whatever reason) to be a little stronger and more resistant to medication. It's not surprising that she has another bout with the illness and now requires stronger doses of the medicine. I'm just hoping that she gets better quick because she is due to stay at my parent's house with the cousins starting a week from tomorrow while we are out of town vacationing in the Bahamas. I would really like to leave town knowing that my darling dog is okay...and not going to get Andy and Annabelle sick.

As we were leaving the store, I felt terrible for little Angie because she had lots of awful tests run on a particularly...sensitive area of her body so I stopped by the toy aisle. Yes, I know that indulging children is bad, but she has chewed through most of her toys and I have had several people tell me that Nylabones are the strongest toys to buy for such skilled chewers like Angie. I bought two different ones and right now she is thoroughly enjoying one...we'll see how long they last. The good news is that the Penicillin shot that she received has already worked as she is much perkier than she was a few hours ago.

But I still feel guilty.

Catching Up

It's officially been two weeks since Angie has joined our home and her overall performance has earned her a B. Here is the breakdown:

Advanced cuddling: A
- Angie excels at snuggling up and quickly falling asleep. She is always up for any cuddling no matter where she is or what is going on around her.

Bathroom Differential: D
- Although this week has been better, she still struggles letting us know when she needs to go outside. We are also working on her "submissive wetting" issues.

Social Skills: B
- She initially earned a C, but improved her grade by bonding with Craig. She could improve in her interactions with new people by not being so scared and shy.

Physical Education: B
- Angie is a good walker but needs to improve by not stopping at every new smell. She has definitely learned how to play with her toys, but could raise her grade by not destroying every toy given to her.

Following Directions: B
- Angie loves praise but is quite stubborn when it comes to initially following directions. She will do what you ask, but it takes a lot of cajoling on our part sometimes.

Peer Assessment: A
- Except for a few run-ins with Andy over sharing a ball (understandable) Andy and Annabelle very much enjoyed their time with Angie at our house. She snuggled very well with Annabelle and also played well with Andy, for the most part.

Other news from our house includes:
- Angie did have to go into the vet on Thursday because of a bug that she picked up which made her tummy not feel so well. She was put on antibiotics and a bland food diet and is feeling much better today (Saturday) but she isn't allowed to go to the 4th of July party because we don't want to get the cousins sick.

- We have our flowers, cakes and party favors done for the wedding! Hurray! That is a big load off our shoulders and next on my list is bridesmaid dresses, save the dates and invitations. I just need Craig to get me his list completed of invites and then I think we'll be ready to go!

- Michael Jackson's death is incredibly sad and tragic, but more sad and tragic is the way his life ended up and how he will be remembered - probably not for his music, but instead for his eccentricities and sketchy judgment with children. Having said that, Michael Jackson reminds me of the old phrase "which came first - the chicken or the egg?" By that I mean: was MJ created by God as the eccentric and seemingly emotionally unstable person that he was, or did circumstances (abusive father and intense media scrutiny) create his troubles? I'm inclined to think that the fame at such a young age combined with a rather unstable homelife leads to disaster for people...look at Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan compared to Justin Timberlake. All three had loads of fame at a young age, but JT has a supportive and strong family background, where Brit and Lindsay don't. Okay, I know that it sounds a bit presumptuous to assume that I know all about all these people's lives and backgrounds but I do read a lot of Perez Hilton as well as I believe myself to be pretty intuitive. Regardless...the whole situation is very sad for several reasons and I just hope that the media lets this story rest pretty soon so that the children and the family members can move on with their grief and their lives in the best way possible.

Weekend with the Pups

When we were buying the house, I was a little skeptical of why Craig so badly wanted a pool in the backyard. I was convinced that we could buy a better house with our money if we didn't have the stipulation of a pool as a "must-have."

I should probably trust Craig more often.

Just last week, I had my friend Beri, my friend Emily and her two boys and my college roomie Lauren over to the house on three separate occasions to swim and relax by the pool. It really is a joy to be able to invite people over on these hot Texas summer days to jump in the (warm) refreshing water. And there have also been a few times when I've come home from running errands and found Craig floating in the water; shades and hat on and beer in hand. So Craig was right - the pool was definitely worth the more detailed house hunting experience. And it turns out that with a little convincing on a hot day, Angie will climb aboard a raft for a little lounging in the water as well!

On Friday morning Craig and I drove down to my parent's house and went out to breakfast at IHOP with them. They were about to leave for the Galveston area for the weekend to attend a family friend's daughter's wedding on the Gulf. Unfortunately, their two terriers Andy and Annabelle were not invited on this weekend getaway and Craig and I had graciously volunteered to take care of the pups...BEFORE we had gotten Angie. But when you already have one dog, what's another eight little legs wandering around our house?! We might have been a little crazy and we were definitely a little nervous considering Angie's timidness and insecurity around unfamiliar dogs and people. The weekend went relatively uneventful - Angie did have a few messes on the floors, but I think it was because she felt that her sanctuary had been invaded. For the most part the pups (or "the pack" as Craig called them because of their propensity to run everywhere together) played well - lots of fetch, tug of war and lounging around either snuggled next to or on top of Craig and myself. Andy and Annabelle returned home this evening around 6:00 and I think Angie kind of missed them at first. She roamed around the house sniffing the scents left behind by her cousins...but eventually seemed to relish in the fact that she now has her Momma and Daddy all to herself again. Regardless of how she felt about their visit...she is exhausted and is currently sacked out next to me in the bed, lying on her Aggie blanket.

Coming up this week Craig and I are going to attempt to get some stuff done for the wedding:
Tuesday: flower appointment at 5:00
Thursday: cake tasting and decorating appointment at 1:00
Sometime: begin buying "thank you" presents for the bridesmaids, groomsmen, readers, ushers, parents and little ones in our wedding

Getting Adjusted - by Angie

Hello everyone! Momma's enjoying her coffee this morning and left the computer open and I decided it was a good time to introduce myself! When Momma and Mr. Craig (I'm working on the Dad thing with him) came to my shelter on Saturday I saw them walking around looking at everyone and then took out the big basset hound Truffles. I knew that she wasn't the dog for them. After being in the shelter awhile, you figure out what type of dog people are looking for. And for those two...I just knew Truffles was going to be too big. When they came back in they were looking around and I tried my best to sit quietly and look cute. I had overheard them talking about how they wanted a quiet and calm dog. Apparently it worked and soon I was being taken outside to walk the path. I bonded quickly with Laura...she could tell I was a bit shy and nervous so she took her time and really showed me love. Mr. Craig wasn't really interacting with me and when he leaned down to pet me I got really nervous. Where I used to live, there was a big man that wasn't very nice to me and I'm trying to trust Mr. Craig and know that he's not that type of person, but it's very difficult. At the end of the walk, Laura bent down to my head and asked me if I like her. Duh lady! She was perfect! Very calm and loving...what dog WOULDN'T want to go live with her?! I gave her a big lick to tell her YES - TAKE ME! And soon after that I was riding in her lap in her car to my new home.



Momma and Mr. Craig's house is very big with lots of tile and wood floors for me to slide around on. I think they also like the floors for me because sometimes when I get nervous or scared I tend to "leak." I can't help it...I just don't ever want to be treated like my old owners and slowly I'm learning that they won't do that to me. I have lots of places in the house that I like to lay: in the living room on my big pillow, on the green blanket covered couch with Momma, upstairs in my green bed by the window and in the mornings...on the big bed with my Aggie blanket. As much as Momma loves me, I don't think she likes my brown hair shedding on her nice furniture so she tries to keep it covered up. She did give me a very comfortable Aggie blanket that is all mine - it's how I know what and where I can lay. When I first came home I got a pink stuffed pig with squeaker and rope arms and legs to play with...but it's now sitting on the countertop waiting to be stitched together by MeMa. I couldn't help myself - I wanted that squeaker out of Ms. Piggy!!! So now I have a rubber ball and a Tug-of-War rope that I play with although I've been so stressed out from all the changes that I'm not really in a playing mood.



On Sunday afternoon, Mr. Craig was working a basketball tournament so Momma took me to her parent's house. Again...I was nervous - I didn't know where we were going and I was hoping that she wasn't taking me somewhere to get rid of me. When we showed up there were two CRAZY terriers waiting for me! They were going nuts at the sight of me and had to be restrained by their parents (Momma's Mom and Dad). I absolutely did NOT want to be there so I tried to hide out in the front dining room. But my Mom came and got me everytime and forced me to interact with those other dogs. I know that people probably think I'm a scaredy-cat when they first meet me. I don't open up to people or other dogs very easily because it's hard for me to trust. I don't know if the new person or dog is going to be nice! Soon though, I figured out that these new pups (Andy and Annabelle) were going to be just fine - they were just excited because they love playing with other dogs! They had so many toys to choose from and lots with squeakers! I played nice though and didn't rip anything up. One thing that Andy had that I LOVED was a tennis ball! Apparently, he isn't used to sharing his ball and got a little upset when I tried to take it from him. He growled and then was put in time-out by his Mom in his kennel. Apparently that's where MY mom learned about time-out. Hmph. After the ball was put away for good, I had a good time rolling around, chasing through the backyard and wrestling with toys. They are coming to stay this weekend with Momma and Mr. Craig. I know Mom and I are excited but I'm not too sure about Mr. Craig - he seems to get a little more frustrated with me sometimes.



Last night was really tough. Mom had dinner plans with one of her friends and left me at the house with Mr. Craig for two hours!!! At first, I didn't know what to do so I paced up the stairs and down the stairs for awhile. Craig didn't like that but I just couldn't settle down - I felt a little scared that I had been abandoned...again. We went outside and I lounged in the grass while he messed with the pool. I'm not a real big fan of being outside - I would rather be cuddle up on the couch with Mom watching TV. When we came back inside I was getting really frustrated. Where was my Momma!? And why had she left me alone with Mr. Craig? Sometimes I think he likes me but he isn't as open and obvious with his love like Mom. So...in my frustration, I did something really bad. REALLY bad. While he was in the bathroom, I pottied (as in No. 2) on the rug in the dining room. I know. I know. It wasn't the best way to show my frustration or my anger but I couldn't help it...I had to get his attention! Sigh. When Momma came home I was super excited but she was worried, I could tell. She and Mr. Craig had a conversation about my relationship with him. It's really frustrating her because she wants us to get along but it's just not that easy - for either of us. I have to learn to trust him and he has to learn to love me (even when I make mistakes). I guess she'll just have to leave us alone together more often so we can bond, even though I hate that she leaves.



I think one of my favorite things about living here is the duck pond! Everyday Momma takes me on a long walk around the duck pond and back through the trails by our house. There are tons of things for me to sniff, but sometimes I get tired. I didn't get a lot of work-outs at the shelter! But Momma says the walks are just as good for her as they are for me...she says she needs to lose weight, but I think she's perfect.



All in all, I am very lucky to live in this house - I've got love, toys, food, and lots of great places to snuggle up and nap. I'll keep you guys posted on my transition from shelter dog to family pet!




Love,
Angie

Here I am with Mr. Craig. See? He doesn't look too excited about me. :(

Here I am with my momma, Laura. She and I bonded right away.

Here is my crazy cousin Andy. We get along really well as long as there are no tennis balls around!

Here is my cousin Annabelle. She is very low-key and loves to be petted and cuddled even more than me!

It's always just been him and me...but this new baby makes it three!

We are proud to announce the arrival of the newest little princess in our household.Angelina Marie

"Angie"

1.5 years old

Dachshund Mix

Lovingly adopted from Operation Kindess

Craig and I started off our Saturday by meeting with the ceremony and reception site person along with our mothers, MeMa and aunt. We had a long list of stuff that I needed to cover - a meeting to nail down a few more specifics so that I could have a general idea of what to be looking for in the next few months. Like I've said so many times before...I am a planner. I definitely walked away from the meeting feeling much more confident and sure of myself. We still have so many details to iron out, but at least I have a better idea of what to expect and what I need to procure in order to have a beautiful wedding day. I think it was also nice for our families to be able to walk their way through our wedding as well.

Afterwards, Craig and I went and ate lunch with his mother, MeMa, Aunt Kay, sister and sister's friend at Olive Garden. Craig really loves and dotes on all the women in his life...he understands the importance he holds in the family. I think that was part of the reason that I fell in love with him, but at the same time I can also see him making the transition from son to husband and with that comes a change in all relationships. I'm thankful for the devotion and fierce loyalty he has to his family because I know that he will put that towards me and our children as well.

Speaking of children...we now have one. Albeit a child with four legs that slobbers a bit...but something to love and take care of nonetheless. I have been patiently waiting for the day that Craig would decide we were finally ready to get a dog. For months on end I have been trying to convince him of how much I not only wanted a dog...but needed a dog. On those weekends that he is working the tournaments, I get lonely. On those nights that he is coaching basketball practices, I get lonely. I wanted something to follow me around, to cuddle and to listen to all the random things that come out of my mouth. Basically...I wanted something to do everything that Craig won't! Ha, ha, ha. Craig kept putting me off: after Spring Break, maybe during summer, if babysitting your parent's dogs goes well. I finally stopped pushing him and was just keeping my fingers crossed that Andy and Annabelle behaved themselves while at our house.

Today as we were leaving the restaurant, he turned left into a parking lot of a big strip mall and said "I'm going to be nice to you today." Uh...well...okay. Sometimes Craig's sense of humor can be taken a little far and I thought that maybe he was going to tell me something nice, or buy me something off my registry (we were by Bed, Bath and Beyond). Then he mentioned how there was a PetLand in the shopping strip. I instantly welled up with tears which were quickly squashed with his "we're just looking" comment. Hmph. We'll see about that. We went into the pet store and there were lots of cute little purebred puppies just waiting to be taken home - but for $250!!! After being the proud owner of a beautiful, well mannered, good natured mutt that we rescued from the church parking lot named Gigi for 14 years, I couldn't in good conscience buy a "designer" dog. I knew I had to rescue one. We went home, did a little research on the internet and found an Operation Kindess, which is a no kill shelter, just a few cities away and it was open until 5:00 today! We plugged the address into my GPS and we were on our way to find a dog.

I was so nervous when we got there because I knew these people were serious - they don't like to give dogs to people who can't take care of them properly. What if they didn't think we were going to be suitable owners?! There were so many dogs there and if Craig would have let me...we would have taken every single one. I can't imagine a person looking into the eyes of any of these creatures and being able to give them away, treat them poorly or dispose of them on the side of the street.

We "test drove" one dog named Truffles who was a very...ahem...sturdy Basset Hound mix, but she was a little bigger than I wanted and also shed...a lot. On our list of "must haves" for getting this dog was: a calm demeanor, easy fur maintenance, little to no barking. I must have peered into every kennel and read all the information for every dog, and of course I pictured myself taking each and every one home with me. But since there could only be one, I knew I had to choose wisely. I came across a brown little pup with big brown eyes who was sitting quietly in her kennel. I read her bio while she patiently and quietly watched me with interest. Her name was Marie and she was one and a half years old. She was described as a sweet natured dog who wanted lots of love. I took her out and test drove her around the path outside. She seemed shy and nervous but took a liking to me very quickly after a few loving pats on the back. I asked Craig what he thought...he had generally been taking a back seat to the dog selection because he knew that it would really be MY dog. He reached down to pet her and she immediately went into the submissive position and rolled on her back. It was clear to both of us that she had really been mistreated and most likely by a man. At that moment, my heart broke and I knew that I could love her back to good mental health. As we were walking her back in, I was still hemming and hawing about the decision between dogs because I knew Craig liked Truffles the Basset Hound. I bent down close to Marie's head with my hair falling around her and looked into her eyes. I could tell she was hooked on me and demonstrated this with a big lick on my chin. I stood up with tears in my eyes and told Craig - I want her. And she is the one we got.

While waiting for the last bits of paperwork to be processed, she was brought to us in the adoption center and promptly took a place on my lap. Although dogs cannot speak, I could tell she was thankful...and a bit nervous but showed her appreciation with many licks on our fingers. Afterwards we took her to Pet Smart to buy all the necessary items for bringing a new puppy home to our house. Over a hundred dollars later we had a crate, a bed, a toy, food, shampoo, a collar and leash and a brush. All during the ride to the store and then the ride to the home she was in my arms and desperately fighting the intense desire to sleep. I figured we would get her home and she would sack out just from the stress of the day. I was wrong. She pranced into our house, took a few laps around and began playing visciously with her new pink pig. She was overjoyed to have a new family and a new home full of things for her to explore.

I love her and I love Craig for understanding how important having a dog means to me. She already met her cousins, the Westies Dirk and Nash this afternoon but she was a bit nervous. Maybe she'll have more fun in the future when she's more confident. Tomorrow I am taking her to my parent's house for Father's Day and she will meet Andy and Annabelle!

Pound Puppy

I have decided to get a dog. After the demise of my last relationship, I have decided that I need something to love. I have a lot to give and I think that I'm good at it?! Maybe? Eh. Well, that's probably debatable.

Anyways.

I remember watching the almost straight to video "28 Days" with Sandra Bullock a long time ago. In it, she went to rehab and when she was about to be released they talked about healthy relationships. The people at rehab said that if recovering addicts shouldn't be in intimate relationships with other people for awhile after they leave. Addicts should get a houseplant and keep it alive for a year, and then, if they are successful, move on to a pet. And after a year of keeping a pet alive for a year, then they would be ready for an intimate relationship with a human.

This got me thinking.

Maybe I should get a pet and see if I can keep it alive for a year. And then maybe I'll be ready for a relationship? Who knows?

The truth of the matter is that my apartment is lonely at night and I would like something alive to snuggle up with. I think that a small dog would do the trick.

Once I decided on a dog, I got started looking on Petfinder.com for my new best friend. Scrolling through page after page of little puppies with that sad look in their eye started to get to me. In front of a coworker, I broke down in tears. I mean TEARS. The sobbing from the chest, whole body shaking, mascara smearing TEARS. My coworker responded to my cries of "Why doesn't anybody love them?" with a kind "It's not that nobody loves them, maybe they just couldn't take care of them."

It was then that I realized - I wasn't crying because of the dogs. I was crying because I felt like one OF those dogs. I feel like a puppy that no one could take care of or tame. And instead of investing the time and energy in working with the puppy, just dropped it off at the pound. I feel like the puppy that no one loved.

Is that not the most depressing thing ever?

And the funny thing is...I saw the boy on Tuesday evening at the big key exchange and you know what? NO TEARS. Our meeting was like something out of a very dramatic episode of Laguna Beach or The Hills or something. I half expected to hear an All American Rejects song or something like it playing in the background. But unfortunately, there were no cameras around and no one yelling "Cut!" It was all real life - a little TOO real. I didn't tell anyone at work that we had broken up. I think that I felt like if I didn't talk about it - it meant that it didn't really happen and it was all a dream. Thursday was the first time that I actually cried about the whole situation and I hated it for myself. I have spent too many wasted hours crying over stupid boys. But I truly had hoped that this boy wasn't going to turn out to be stupid. I really hoped that I wouldn't sabotage another relationship. And, yes, I know - it's not all my fault...but he always made me feel like it was. Like he could never do any wrong and I was always the one that was messing up. I guess, in the end, I really didn't like the condescending manner in which he spoke to me or how if he didn't feel like I should be upset about something then I was stupid or immature for being upset. I didn't expect him to always agree with my feelings, but I think that he should have at least understood that regardless of his opinion, my feelings were still valid. I feel like I'm going around and around in circles and completely losing the point.

Anyways...I'm getting a dog as soon as volleyball season is over. If it's a girl - she will be named Katie Scarlett after Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With The Wind --- my personal literary and film heroine. If it is a boy - he will be named Maverick after Tom Cruise's character in Top Gun --- my first love.

I'll keep you posted.