I Do.

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

These are the words that Craig and I spoke to each other three and a half years ago in front of family and friends, prompted by the husband of my best friend.  I have no problem admitting that at the time, these vows were just words - the things I had to say in order to sign my marriage license.  It wasn't that I didn't take them seriously, it's that I had the naivete and general blind confidence of a blushing bride and almost newlywed.  I walked down that aisle and said those vows with an air of "no big deal...we GOT this."  

I'm not sure what I thought marriage was going to be....an extension of the fairytale we lived in the months of dating that led up to our wedding?

But here I am.

It's three and a half years later and I'm trying to wrap my brain around that one little sentence we recited to each other on the day of our gorgeous outdoor wedding on a sunny day in March of 2010.

We've done the sickness and health bit.  I had an appendectomy, a c-section and a debilitating bout with Postpartum Depression.  Craig has had multiple knee scopes, a shoulder surgery and his gall bladder removed.  We have figured out how to nurse each other back to health pretty easy.

Then there is the better, worse, richer and poorer part.

That's where we are at right now.

I don't generally write about our marriage very much because, quite frankly...there's not a whole bunch to talk about.  We are generally agreeable with each other.  There aren't any major disagreements or outbursts.  We approach life as a team and rarely do we bicker or fight.

And we're definitely not bickering or fighting right now even though by all accounts, we certainly should be.

But we do have our backs against the wall.  We are the epitome of the old cliche, "between a rock and a hard place."  Tough decisions have been made and although it was the right choice...it was a difficult one.

One that affected my husband far more than it did me.

And that's where I'm learning about "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer" part of marriage.  This is where I'm learning about my realm of control - I can't fight his battles for him, nor is it my job to do so.  But I can be supportive and appreciative.  I can listen when he needs to vent and I can give advice when asked.  I can remind him of the reasons I love him - his loyalty, generosity, sense of humor and dedication.

And of course, those sparkly blue eyes and gorgeous blond curls.

As with everything, this is simply a season in life and it too shall pass.  We will hold steadfastly to each other through this storm and then someday when the seas are calm, we will look back and understand that the storm was instrumental in creating a solid marriage.

Me + U = LUV

Do you remember those mixed tapes or cds you used to make for your friends and boyfriend in high school?

You know the ones.......with "Summertime 99!" scribbled across the front in Sharpie?

I've got one on my iPhone.

It's simply entitled........Craig.........and consists solely of songs that make me feel the warm fuzzies for my hubby.

Beyond cheesy, right?

In all actuality........we're in a really good spot right now.  Life is good.  We are managing the work-marriage-family balance and seem to be riding the tide instead of treading and gasping for air.

Not that we were ever in any real danger, but you know how LIFE can be sometimes.

The past few months we've certainly had some storms thrown our way.  Between the house flooding, volleyball season, the pink eye epidemic, and finally Craig's multiple illnesses and subsequent surgery to remove his gall bladder, it's been the perfect storm for what could have really been a tough time for our marriage......but we're good.

We are solid.

Granted, we are only two and a half years into this whole husband-wife gig but I think we've got a good outlook on who we are and in what our family believes.  We approach everything as a team.  There are no "his" or "her" jobs, there are only tasks to be done and two capable adults available to complete them (and one eager toddler as well).  I can rake and bag leaves on a Saturday morning while Craig trims the hedges.  Craig can switch laundry loads as I fold and put the clothes away.

We work together and honor each other's strengths and talents.

I think that's what has kept our heads and hearts in the right place this fall.  Neither of us keep score in our marriage or tally up the "who has done more for whom" points - that's not how life works.  Most of the time we're doing things 50/50 but there are times, weeks or even months where one of us can only handle 20% and the other has to pick up the 80%.

During my bout with PPD I was hovering at 20% (or less) capability for practically nine months.  I wasn't a good partner.  I wasn't a good teammate.  But Craig never batted an eye nor did he hold it against me.  It wasn't what he had expected to happen after the birth of our first child, but he saw through the disease and still somehow recognized his wife and the woman he loved.  He was willing to shoulder the brunt of the work around the house so that I could get on with the greater task of rebuilding myself.

And then there is the weeks and days surrounding September 19th and the anniversary of the death of Craig's father.  Physically Craig is present with our family and going through the motions of our daily life, but emotionally he is distant and aloof.  There's always something darker lurking behind his otherwise bright blue eyes - a hidden sadness with a tint of anger.  I put aside my own mindless frustrations and complaints and I listen to what he has to say.....and sometimes more importantly, what he doesn't say.

It's a give and take.

So with having said all that, here's what I've compiled onto my cheesy mix playlist that reminds me of my husband.

This Year's Love by David Gray: The final song played at our wedding.  Just the two of us slow dancing in a quiet room as our guests filed out and waited to blow bubbles on us as we boarded the golf cart.  It's peaceful and soothing.  Quiet and solid.

Home by Edward and the Magnetic Zeros: A folksy song perfect for a road trip down 35 or better yet, an isolated backroad at sunset with the windows rolled down.  My favorite lyric includes this little gem "let me come home; home is where ever I'm with you."  Why yes, yes it most definitely is.

Make You Feel My Love by Adele (or Garth Brooks): Just reminds me that I'm not alone.  Even on the darkest of days after Natalie was born, he was right there in my corner - never fighting my battles but always believing that I would come out victorious.

Breathe Me by Sia: There was a certain cold January night many years ago when I made a trek out to Lewisville at 11:00 in the evening to help put my dear friend back on track.  We weren't engaged or even dating but I knew in my heart that he was the one.  I saw both of us as such ridiculously flawed human beings, each struggling with demons but perhaps if we could each see ourselves as the other saw us, then maybe we could slay the dragons together.

You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne: The last "official" song at our wedding.  Because he is.  And I am too.

Ho Hey by the Lumineers: "I belong with you, you belong with me."  Yes.  I agree.  Another folk style song that we sing along with in the car.

Beautiful Day by U2:  By far our favorite band and this will not be the last time you see them listed in this playlist.  This particular song was our recessional from the wedding and ohmygoodness it WAS a beautiful day.  The weather was perfect, my dress looked fantastic and we were surrounded by all the people we love.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole: Another wedding song (picture my bridesmaids walking the aisle) but it was a favorite of mine since introduced to it by one of my college professors.  It's peaceful, wistful but yet deliberate at the same time.  Plus it has the line about "dreams really do come true" which is fitting for both Craig and me.....having the life and family that we have was something that neither of us ever pictured for our futures.  Until we met each other, of course.

If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly: Have you seen PS I Love You?  I cried the ugly cry the first time I saw that movie.  Long story short - a young woman is widowed by her adorable Irish husband but he leaves her all these letters that help her through the grieving process.  When I originally saw the movie I cried because I had no one in my life that loved me enough to do anything sweet like that for me.  It might seem a little strange to include a song from a movie where the main plot line includes a husband dying but there's a line in the song that goes like this: "I'm alright, I'm okay.  Though you have gone from my life.  You said that it would, now everything should be alright."  In my practically constant state of worry about anything and everything, Craig always tells me - it's going to be alright.  And it's always true.  It is always alright.  And in the terrible event that I am left here on this Earth alone and without him......his words will still ring true - I will be alright because I loved him and he loved me.

Blackbird by Sarah McLachlan: Originally a Beatles song but covered acoustically by Sarah McLachlan and played at our wedding as I walked down the aisle.  As I've written about numerous times on this blog, I was quite the hot mess before I met and married Craig.  So I guess that's why the lyrics "take these broken wings and learn to fly.  All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise" spoke to me.  I truly believed that I was such a terrible and broken human being that I was undeserving of any kind of love.  Craig showed me otherwise.

Home by Phillip Phillips: Yeah, it's getting to be a little bit over played on the radio (which is why I mostly listen to my iPod or Pandora) but I like the guitar, the folksy-ness and the message.  It's easy to sing along with in the car, or in Craig's case, to play the drums on the steering wheel along with the beat.

All I Want Is You by U2: Our first dance.  The lyrics are framed in our bedroom.  But it's true....forget all the jewels, the riches or the privilege in the world - I just want him.

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz: I think this song actually came out about a year ago but I've just now found it through Pandora.  My favorite part is the title - a healthy marriage doesn't just happen; it takes work and dedication.  Things will get hard and ugly in life and I know that at times Craig and I will have to put in extra effort just to make it through the day, the month or the year.

I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons: Both of us have really fallen in love with Mumford and Sons because there is soul in their music and lyrics.  I think what gets me about this song, especially the "I will wait" part is that Craig did.  He saw me evaporate before his eyes and he waited patiently (most of the time) for me to return to him.  Plus.....all of Mumford and Sons music reminds us of what will be our next European adventure - England, Scotland and Ireland.

Faithfully by Journey: Just because it is a gloriously cheesy 80s ballad.  And good to sing out loud in the car.

Well.

I did not plan on this being such an enormously long and involved post.  My apologies!

What kinds of songs would you put on a cheesy mix tape (or playlist) for your significant other?

Reception and Anniversary

Natalie has been in major teething mode since Saturday and in response to her gums hurting she has boycotted naps this week - because THAT'S going to make her feel better.  Ugh.  Needless to say, we were very excited to drop her off at my mother-in-laws house yesterday afternoon so we could properly celebrate our anniversary.  On the suggestion of one of my foodie co-workers we headed out to Southlake Town Center and ate a delicious steak and seafood dinner at Truluck's.  Not only was the restaurant lovely and the food amazing but the service was phenomenal.  We had a delightful server who was perky and upbeat without being annoying and she brought us a sweet treat at the end of our meal as a surprise celebrating our anniversary.  The manager stopped by our table for a few minutes and chatted with us about our anniversary, our little girl and other stuff like that.  He also surprised us by bringing us two big take home boxes of chocolate and carrot cake!  We are set with sweets for the week!  Of course, we were absolutely stuffed by the end of dinner and we were ready to go home and get in bed by 9:00.  Isn't that sad?!  And what's sadder is that I was up and awake by 7:30 this morning.  But really, I love this time in the morning - just relaxing in bed with my pups and my coffee, catching up on blogging and Jon Stewart.  

Okay.......onto the rest of my walk down memory lane.  I must admit - looking through these pictures......it feels like it's been TEN years since this wedding instead of two.

I love the mixture of the fresh springtime grass mixed with the bare trees leftover from winter.  This was taken out on the golf course after the ceremony.

Our toasting glasses.  Ha!  I had champagne while Craig had rum and coke.

Love this picture - it's hanging on our picture wall in black and white.

Gorgeous shot.

All my bridesmaids brought their own Converse to match the boys at the reception - much more comfortable I suppose.

Funny story - there was a bulldog convention going on at the same time as our wedding.  Seriously.  But the dogs were beautiful and so incredibly well behaved and Craig and I are dog people so we really didn't mind.  As a "thank you" for sharing our day with the bull dogs they gave us these bride and groom dogs.  They might just be one of my favorite tokens from our wedding.

The cake in all it's glory.

Our entire coaching staff was involved in our wedding - Craig and I got married while Beri and Doug were in our wedding party; Beri's husband was even the one who married us.  In true coaching fashion, they high fived as they were announced coming into the reception.

Aww....my little people.  The whole bridal party high fived them too as they ran across the dance floor.

Craig is a Texas Longhorn fan.  My family is all Aggies.  Craig wanted his grooms cake to be the Royal Memorial football stadium but I just couldn't allow that to happen without some sort of intervention.  I asked my friend Kyle who was a reader at our wedding and who, at the time, lived in College Station and was working on his master's degree at A&M to bring some sort of Aggie football figurine to place on the cake.  Kyle came through and did a great job sabotaging Craig's Longhorn cake.

The cakes were made by a longtime family friend and I was a little nervous about how the football stadium would turn out - but they did a great job!  All the people are tiny sprinkles!  How fun!

Another shot of my cake.  It's all buttercream frosting because I hate fondant.

Longhorn and Aggie.

And by the way, my thumb is weirdly flexible, right?!

Our first dance - one of my favorite pictures.

Check out the look on his face - it's almost like he really loves me!

I love his curly hair.  I always get upset when he gets a haircut.  And I love those curls even more now that I see them sprouting out of Natalie's head.

Oh my mother - she was so exhausted but in the best way possible.  I think she was so happy to have all her friends and loved ones at the wedding but also so happy that it was almost over.  

The end of my dance with my daddy.

My parents have been married for 40+ years and they are still so in love with each other.

My mother reads my blog (hi Mom!) and she's going to kill me for posting this picture but I can't help it!  I love it because it's her dancing with her brother, my Uncle Lawrence.  They were moving and grooving together and it was so cute.

Getting down with some of my bridesmaids and work buddies.

My maid of honor Amy and I have been friends since we were in sixth grade.  She was telling the story about how we used to spoon during sleepovers.  Yes.  She told the entire reception.  In our own defense - we are more like sisters than just friends.

Ron giving the best man speech - he was so nervous and repeated himself so many times but it was a very sweet speech.  

It was getting close to the end of the night..........

Our favors!  I loved, loved, LOVED these volleyball and basketball cookies!

Craig dancing with some of our work friends - we are a crazy group of teachers, but they always made everyday at work VERY fun.

  

"Leaving" the hotel at the end of the reception.  I say "leaving" because we got into a golf cart and drove around the property of the hotel for a few minutes and then came right back and hung out with our friends some more in the hotel bar.

The cart took off a little quicker than I expected.

Done.  Ready to go upstairs and to bed.

So that's that.  Our wedding.  We were chatting about it last night at dinner and how Craig would now just go to the Justice of the Peace and get it over and done with instead of having the big shindig.  I agreed to a certain degree, but at the same time it certainly is nice to have these pictures to look back on and something for Natalie to look through when she is older.  I loved looking through my mother and father's wedding album when I was younger because it was so strange to imagine my parents.........without kids.  

Well, now it's a little after 9:00 and after Craig gets out of the shower we are headed out for breakfast at another restaurant suggested by my coworkers (I work with two guy coaches that have voracious appetites) that serves supposedly the "best cinnamon rolls ever."  Actual statement.  

Wedding and Anniversary

Today is our anniversary - we got married on a gorgeous Saturday in March at the beginning of Spring Break.  Exactly one week later, while we were in Antigua on our honeymoon - it snowed in north Texas.  Go figure.  I could get really mushy about how much I love Craig but I think I've done that recently - so I'm just going to show you some of my favorite pictures from the wedding.

My wedding dress, a bridesmaid dress, the flower girl's dress and my turquoise wedding shoes.

My maid of honor Amy and her little girl Emma who was my flower girl.

Craig gave me my Tiffany's charm bracelet engraved with the date of our wedding and his mother gave me the puzzle piece symbolizing that I was the missing piece in Craig's life.

The site of our wedding.  I wasn't real particular on where we got married but as soon as Craig saw the trees, the grass and the golf course he was sold.

I love my mother's face in this picture.  I don't know if she's just really happy about her corsage or the fact that I was finally getting married.  Regardless, I love her joyfulness.

As part of our photography package we received a credit towards a canvas picture of our choosing.  I left the choice up to Craig and told him he could choose any bridal portrait that he wanted.  This is the picture that he chose and it is hanging in our entryway.

Craig's good friend and coaching buddy Doug putting the final touches on Craig's outfit.  Notice the Converse tennis shoes.

My two brothers who also served as ushers.  I love how they are walking exactly in step with one another.

My friend Beri's husband is an ordained minister and he offered to officiate our wedding.  He was also super psyched when we told him he could also wear Converse - he got a new black pair just for the wedding.

Craig waiting for me to walk down the aisle.

My mother being escorted by my two brothers Mike (left) and Stephen (right).

Alexander and Ford were my ring bearers and they did an excellent job of walking down the aisle except for when they forgot exactly where they were supposed to go - this is Andrew directing them to go sit with my brother and sister-in-law.

All the boys' shoes.

Oh man.  This was a tough moment.  I was seriously freaked out at all the people staring at me.

Standing at the altar - it might look as if I'm lovingly clutching Craig's hands but in reality, I'm holding on for dear life.  I hate being the center of attention like that.

I don't know if you can really see it in this picture but there were tons of guests from the hotel staring out the window at our wedding.

Again.  The clutching.  The "don't let go of me because I might faint."

I really like this picture because I actually did my own make-up for the wedding and I like the fact that it turned out alright.  Also because...........you know...........I look really in love with my husband as well.

Mwah!  The big kiss.  This was also a strange moment because there were a lot of our coworkers at our wedding who had prior to this kiss NEVER seen any sort of physical interaction between the two of us.  First of all, we're not that into PDA but we also kept it VERY professional when at work or even when hanging out in public because we didn't want the whole school to know that we were dating.

Hurray!  It's over!  Time to go get a much needed glass of champagne!

I have this picture framed in our bedroom - it might be my most favorite photo from the whole day.

Ron, Craig and Ricky (who is hiding) all embracing and congratulating.  Ron and Ricky run basketball tournaments and (Ron especially) have been there for Craig through lots of traumatic life altering events.  Ron was (and still is) truly happy for all the joy and good things that have happened in Craig's life.

Hugging my brother Mike who had flown all the way down from Maine for the wedding.  My wedding was monumental for him because I think it made him realize how much he missed living close to our family.

Oh.......the children.  It was nearing the end of a long day for these three and they were all ready for some food and cake.

We couldn't really get a serious picture out of them and you know what?  

I think I like it that way - I can definitely see all their sweet and sassy personalities.

So that's part one.........I'll post the reception and formal couple photos later.  But for now, I think I might hop into the shower so I can get ready for our big date tonight!