Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sunday Day Book

Outside my is 8:23 and it's dark and chilly but not terribly cold.

I am thinking...that it's taking my child an awfully long time to fall asleep.  Just give it up already Natalie!

I am thankful for...a husband that lets me take charge of decorating the house and dressing our daughter.

From the learning rooms...alright...the final test for my cross country kids is on Tuesday.  My 7th grade girls are 4-0, my 8th grade boys are 3-1, my 7th grade girls are 3-1, my 8th grade girls....well, they try really hard.  Regardless - we have the chance to come home with three trophies at the district cross country meet this week and I'm really hoping that they all bring their A-game on Tuesday and make some awesome things happen.

From the kitchen...I was a cooking phenom last week with three homemade meals in one week!  This week I'm making pork chops, poppyseed chicken and tilapia tacos.

I am wearing...a long sleeve Aggie shirt and jeans.  About to change into something WAY more comfortable.

I am you might have noticed, I already created something pretty spectacular - Natalie's Christmas tutu!  I'm pretty proud of it and it was totally easy.

I am go to bed early tonight.

I am reading...not enough.

I am hoping...that the next week and a half goes by quickly.

I am hearing...not much.  I have the sound turned off Natalie's monitor but I am watching her roll around in her crib.  She is obviously so tired - just go to sleep darling girl!  You'll feel so much better!

Around the house...Craig had Thursday and Friday off from work so he was able to get a lot of the laundry done which was really nice - hopefully tomorrow he'll give the dog a bath while he's still at home recovering from "the mumps."

**Okay.  Side story.  Craig got diagnosed with POSSIBLE mumps on Thursday because the side of his jaw (right below his cheeks) was swollen and sore.  He never ran a fever, but he was pretty exhausted.  Since there was a slim chance that he had the mumps he had to take a mandatory five days off from work which included Thursday, Friday and tomorrow.  I don't think that he really has the mumps - his swelling has subsided with the help of some strong steroid medication.  I think that it was probably just an impacted gland or something similar.  Regardless, he'll be home tomorrow from school.**

One of my favorite things...a heating pad for my back and good friends with kids that will grow up with Natalie.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Monday: possible basketball games depending on if Craig gets the "all clear."
Tuesday: cross country meet (keep your fingers crossed!)
Wednesday: NOTHING!!
Thursday: basketball games
Friday: NOTHING!!
Saturday and Sunday: Absolutely nothing planned!  Maybe some leisurely last minute shopping and a trip to the Gaylord.

A picture I'm sharing:
It's a beautiful picture of a mother and newborn baby, right?

Not quite.

This picture brings me almost to tears.  Not because of the beauty, but because of what I was feeling at that exact moment.  Craig had just put Natalie into my arms and I did what I thought I was supposed to do with my baby.  I tried to act how I thought new mothers should act with their babies.  But it wasn't real.  There wasn't that connection right away.  On the surface....I'm okay with this now.  It is what it is.  But I long for the day when I can see the beauty in her first few moments and months instead of the dark fog that settled around my brain and heart.  

I look at this picture and I can distinctly remember gazing into her little swollen face and thinking - I don't know you.  Who ARE you?  What do you like?  What is your personality and disposition?  Are we going to get along?  What do I need to make you happy?

And then we have the picture I took today.
This is a picture of a mother that knows her daughter inside and out.  I look into her eyes and I feel her soul. I can predict what is going to make her happy and when she's about to have a nuclear meltdown.  I know when she'll be hungry, thirsty or in desperate need of a nap.  I don't even know how we got to this point.  But thank God I have.

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