June 2011

The next few posts I'm going to be linking up with Robin at Farewell Stranger who writes a beautifully personal PPD blog.  She's doing a series of blog posts which look back at the wonderful moments of the past year despite struggling through motherhood and PPD.  I'm doing this series along with her because I desperately want to remember the first year of Natalie's life as something positive and beautiful instead of full of pain, frustration, anger, anxiety and darkness.

SUMMERTIME!

After the longest school year EVER, it was finally time for a much needed break from work.....but this time with help at home since Craig wouldn't be working either.

Craig was so excited to take Natalie to her first basketball camp (ran by his sister of course) and I was just excited to dress her up cute.  So what if I bought the Under Armour onesie in the boys department?  I dressed it up with a bow and her super awesome pink Converse.

This might be my favorite picture of Craig and Natalie to date.  He and I were just hanging out in our bedroom on the blanket with her.....just playing and interacting as a family.  I love the look on her face, like she's saying "Mom?  Is THIS the guy you chose to be my daddy?"  I love her little heart shaped chin and wide eyes.  She might have her Daddy's blue eyes, but she's already got her Momma's attitude.

Happy girl.  By June we were starting to see more and more of her personality with lots of little grins and almost giggles.  Even so young, she was shy at first with new people and didn't give up a grin easily.

Craig's first Father's Day.....the first Father's Day he's been able to celebrate in nine years.  I made sure that we made it all about him and Natalie and I even ran a special errand to get him the baseball cards that he really likes.  I love this moment - he is explaining the cards to her and she is just listening intently.  And those little toes just kill me!

One of my favorite things about having a daughter is definitely the clothes and the bows.  Craig and I received so many outfits throughout all our showers and she was completely set with clothes for the first six months of her life.  

And then there were these afternoons....lazy, warm, perfect for a nap....summertime afternoons.

June was easier because Craig was home more and I didn't feel as "trapped" in the house with her but a new feeling was sinking in - the perpetual feeling of "not good enough" that has plagued me since I was young.  I knew the type of precious gift I had been given and I just wanted to do everything perfectly for her so that I gave her the best start in life.  I take all the jobs in my life very seriously.....I guess it's that perfectionism that has made me somewhat successful.....but this job was the ultimate - I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mother, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, friend, sister, teacher....everything.  It was so exhausting.