Past Life

Let's be honest.  I don't watch quality television.  My favorite channel is Bravo.  I watch the Housewives and I revel in their stupidity and their drama....probably because I'm happy that I don't have "friends" like them in my own life.  Since August I've been watching Most Eligible Dallas and it turned out to be one of my favorites - probably because I recognize the nightlife scene and I can somewhat relate to their sense of humor, morals, expectations, etc. when it comes to life and dating. 

The other night was the season finale and the "will they, won't they" moment between the two featured people, Matt Nordgren and Courtney Kerr.  They are two best friends who everyone in their circle believes are in love and should be dating each other and the whole season was built around this dance that they did of flirting and fighting. 

I can relate.

When I first met Craig there was a large group of us at my former school that hung out together after hours at Thursday afternoon happy hours and Saturday evening get togethers.  There was a lot of flirting.  A lot of eye contact.  A lot of innuendos.  A lot of heart fluttering and butterflies in the belly.  And a ton of speculation from our friends and co-workers. 

And our "season finale, will they or won't they moment" when we finally kissed for the first time?!  Not as romantic as Courtney and Matt's hot tub rendezvous at the lake, but instead as he was "tucking" me into bed after I sprained my ankle playing basketball against 6th graders.  He had come over after his 8th grade basketball games to bring me dinner and make sure that I had everything that I needed.  I'll admit.  I was a little nervous and definitely scared to try and date him.  I had dated my best guy friend a few years previous and after we broke up I had lost not only his friendship but the friendship of the circle of guys that we had hung out with together.  Craig was my best friend and I didn't want to lose him but at the same time, there was definitely that spark and chemistry between us.

So where am I going with this?

I got a little sentimental watching Most Eligible and I had a mixture of jealousy and sadness in there as well.  Being married is wonderful....most of the time.  There is a sense of security in knowing that I have a partner in life - someone that will back me up but also challenge me to be a better person.  Life is better with Craig as my husband that I know for sure.  But in the back of my mind there is a little part of me that misses the mystery, the guessing game, the flirting. 

My best-friend Amy has been married for more than seven years and she will be the first one to say it - marriage is always like a roller coaster and everything circles around in seasons.  Right now for Craig and I, life is crazy and hectic and we don't have a chance to catch our breath much less any time for romance.  It's not ideal and I would like to be able to slow down and enjoy each other's company a little bit more, but I know that it will circle around.

And although the guessing game that Craig and I played was fun, exciting and entertaining, I wouldn't want to return to that point in my life.  It's fun to reminisce about the "good ol days" but when you get right down to it, I wouldn't trade in my current life even with all the craziness and exhaustion.