I've been MIA on the blog lately.....but the good news is that I've been fully present in real life. Nothing special or exciting happening, no major pitfalls or waves of PPD. I've just been living my life as a coach, a wife, a friend and a momma. The sunshine is no longer painful and I don't rely on the fog to protect me.
I never thought I would get to this point. I suppose I've finally adjusted to our "new normal."
Better late than never, right?
So if I haven't been brooding, moody and blogging about it then what have I been doing?
Well, Craig and I have been watching Natalie do ridiculously adorable things lately. Last night she grabbed my Bible while I was working on Bible Study homework and she said "Jesus." It's okay if you don't believe me - Craig didn't either........until she did it two more times. Maybe she knows something we don't. I had a dream last night that she was walking. It hasn't happened in real life yet but she is getting close - she is pushing up and standing on her own a whole lot more so I would venture to guess that by the end of the month, we will have a walker. And then a runner and a skipper and a hopper and oh dear. Lord help us. For her birthday, my parents gave Natalie an outdoor water table and yesterday afternoon around 4:30 after pulling her away from splashing in the dog's bowl for the fiftieth time, I had a brilliant idea. I put her in a swim diaper and hauled that water table to the back patio. Craig filled it with water and pulled over two Adirondack deck chairs. I ran back inside for the essential outdoor play items - a camera, a towel, a Heineken and a glass of wine. And that's what we did for the next thirty minutes. We drank, relaxed, talked and laughed at her antics in the water. It was lovely.
Saturday morning Craig and I were required to work the high school track meet. It wasn't as bad as it might sound. Craig was running the long jump pit while I hung out at high jump and chatted with the high school volleyball coach. It was a long, hot morning and I have the sock tan lines to prove it, but it was fun to see former athletes compete. High school in our area of the world is tough. Not only do we live in an area of our district that is incredibly high income (but NOT our little neighborhood - we're firmly in the middle class income bracket) but the high school that our middle schools feed into has roughly 3,000 students attending on a daily basis. Oh. My. Goodness. I always worry about my middle school girls when they go off to high school - it's such an easy place for a student to get lost in. That's why I loved seeing one of my former students running the 800m and in the 4x400 relay - she was always a quiet kid that walked on the line between the troubled kids and the athletes. I was happy to see that she was staying involved in something at school because that usually helps to keep kids out of trouble and instead surrounded by good influences.
Today while Craig was doing some yard work, I took Natalie to Target because we've been having a bunch of stuff pile up that desperately needs to be put into storage. While she took a nap, Craig and I packed up all her 12 month clothes, her pack 'n play that has been in our bedroom for over a year, a bunch of her baby toys AND I finally took down all the St. Patrick's Day decorations. I love a good Rubbermaid storage bin. As Craig and I were putting away her clothes, he asked an interesting question: "does putting this stuff away make you want to have another baby?" Whoa turbo. Let's back the train up. Then we played the "why are you asking - do YOU want another baby?" and "I'm not answering - I asked you first" and "but you wouldn't have asked if you weren't thinking about it yourself" back and forth little game. Eventually my answer was.........no, the big girl clothes don't make me want another baby but I have a feeling if we were to get out her newborn stuff it would. Like I told Craig, I just want another chance to do it all over again and to actually enjoy it and be present for every little thing. Obviously, no major life decisions were made during this chat but at least neither of us were closing the door, but we did decide that now is not the time.
Okay, see all that stuff up there about Natalie not walking yet? Well, I wrote all that early this afternoon. My how things change in the blink of an eye! After posting this draft and proof reading it on my blog I realized I had to make one MAJOR edit:
And the biggest news from today.....................Natalie is walking. I knew we were getting close since all she has been doing while walking is holding onto the teeniest, tiniest tip of my finger. It was all a matter of time before she gained confidence and took off on her own. I'm so glad that she is walking but there's just a hint of bittersweet. Walking is one step closer to running and hopping and skipping and all those other things that little girls do. She was so proud of herself and I wish that I could record every moment of this process. From the Frankenstein walk with her arms extended out towards me to the furrowed eyebrows and pouty lips when she falls. I guess this is what it's like for other people in the very beginning - the feeling of wanting to soak up their baby in it's entirety and not forget a single moment or breath from their life. Okay. That sounded a bit creepy and obsessive. But I am mesmerized by her - I love sitting back and watching her play and think. To see what she'll do next or how she will react to a new activity, toy or person. I feel like she's a little onion and each day I'm peeling back a layer and finding something new underneath; more and more of her personality is revealing itself and it's fun to pick out what is like Craig, like me......or just unique to her.
Finally, on an ENTIRELY separate note - I saw Hunger Games tonight. There were a few moments of slight cheesiness but overall it was pretty good. They handled the death scenes very honorably and I loved how they gave Seneca Crane a little bit of humanity as well as a peek behind the curtain of who/what creates the games. And of course who couldn't help but love Woody Harrelson as Haymitch Abernathy and all of the outrageous clothes in the Capitol! I can't wait for Catching Fire to come out.......but I'm a little worried about Mockingjay because it's pretty violent and brutal.
I guess I was a little overdue for an update because I ended up having a lot more to talk about than I thought I did when I started this post!