Awhile back I came across a blog post by Glennon Melton over at Momastery about not feeling the need to CHERISH EVERY SINGLE MOMENT with our children because honestly, who "cherishes" a temper tantrum or a 4:00am feeding? But instead to savor and soak in the kairos moments - those sweet moments where time slows down and your vision becomes clear and you can fully see and appreciate the beauty that you have in your life.
This week has been tough. Not only is our calender completely jam packed full of commitments like basketball games, Bible Study, volleyball league and one awesome Kelly Clarkson concert but this also happens to be the week that Natalie has decided she would prefer all night parties with Mom and Dad over sleeping through the night in her cozy crib.
Needless to say, Craig and I are wiped out. There have been multiple prayers sent out into the universe for patience and sleep. But even still, I'm having a hard time seeing the kairos through the chronos.
I started a new Bible Study last night that will delve into the book of Peter. It's a women only study that is lead by the uber talented sister-in-law of my friend Emily and meets every Tuesday night from 7:00 - 8:45. I was grateful to get out of the house for a few hours and go to a place where I could turn off my cell phone and just immerse myself in something far greater, wider and deeper than the frustrating week I've been having. When I returned home, Craig had THAT look on his face. Crap. My heart dropped to my stomach and my chest began tightening up - what had happened while I was gone that I should have been home for?
"Angie and Ajax got in a little bit of trouble tonight," Craig started.
I squinted my eyes and cocked my head. "Trouble. The dogs." What on God's green Earth could these two dogs have done while I was gone, I thought.
"Well.........it seems like there is some.......um.......sexual tension between them."
Excuse me? Please keep in mind that our animals are spayed and neutered and therefore devoid of any "animalistic" tendencies.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Angie humped Ajax.........a few times..........and he snapped at her." Craig looked slightly sheepish and definitely mildly embarrassed.
I had to grab onto the back of the couch to keep myself from falling down. I always knew that Angie was quite the Alpha dog, likes to be in charge of the pack and assert her authority but I didn't expect her to you know....hump her brother.
From an animal point of view, I understand why she did that - she was just making sure that Ajax understood his place in our family, well, at least where SHE thinks his place is, but just because I understand the reason doesn't make it any less funny.
I needed that gut-busting laugh. I needed that KAIROS moment to remind me of the sheer absurdity life throws at us sometimes.
And then there was the kairos moment I had this morning at 4:30. Craig had already done his nighttime duty with Natalie and she wasn't settling down in her crib. I pulled her into bed with me around 4:00 and desperately tried to get her to calm down and settle into something resembling sleep. She was cradled up under my arm with her head on my shoulder and she was not happy. This girl is a mover and a shaker and rarely likes to be held or comforted.
I turned on my iPod and flipped to the "chill" playlist I created a few days ago. I shh'd her, hummed along with John Mayer and Jeff Buckley and patted her back.
Slowly, ever so slowly she calmed. She stopped writhing. Her eyes closed and her breathing evened out. I dared not move an inch. Somewhere after 5:00, I too drifted off to an uneasy and shallow sleep.
The alarm roused me at 6:30 to which I promptly hit snooze and checked on my girl who was flailed out beside me, her hair sticky and wild from the heat of being tucked under my chin. She was still asleep.
And while she slept, I kairosed. I soaked in the moment. Her quiet and cuddly. My satisfaction at being able to comfort her during a rough night. My pride at not losing control or being overcome by anxiety. Those flushed and round cheeks centered around her slightly puckered pink lips.
This is motherhood. The good, the great, the bad and the ugly. You cannot appreciate the kairos without trudging through the chronos.