Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Driving home tonight in my car I had a plan.  I had this whole post all mapped out and ready to go.  

And let me tell you what.........IT.  WAS.  AWESOME.

But then the munchkin needed a bath and a bottle and lots of cuddles.  And quite frankly, even though the monitor is quiet except for the dulcet tones of U2 lullabies, I'm not really sure she's quite ASLEEP-ASLEEP yet.  


After thirty......okay, forty minutes of bedtime shenanigans, I sat down to write my blog and fill up the interwebs with all my astounding knowledge and wonderful words.

I find the pictures I need and get them all situated in the proper order of this soon-to-be-awesome post.....

AND................I go completely blank.  Where to start?  How to segue?  What was the real point of this blog?  Do I need THAT much backstory?  Ugh.

So I'm just going to go for it and dive in.

I used to live in a really awesome apartment.  It was on the third story facing west with big picture windows that let in just the right amount of rays during the day and evening that I hardly ever had to turn on the overhead lights.  Sure most of my furniture (except for my splurge on two couches) was from IKEA and the decor from Target but the fact of the matter was - it was decked out and fabulous.  I had a bar in the kitchen with stools and even a computer nook in the corner of the kitchen.  One of my favorite features was the built in bookcase in the dining room which displayed my huge collection of novels (okay, you're right - chick lit) and DVDs (NOT all chick flicks).  My bedroom had a huge walk-in closet complete with tons of fabulous clothes (Banana Republic, Ann Taylor - I miss you!!!) and at least 40 (yes, FORTY) pairs of high heels.  Outside the dining room was a fantastically large balcony where I had two huge Adirondack chairs perfect for sitting, reading, drinking a Shiner, smoking a cigarette (eek!) and watching the storms roll in from the west.  Out in the covered parking lot sat my baby Delilah, my fully loaded 2006 charcoal gray Acura TSX - the first brand new car that I had ever owned.  I was living large.  

Nevermind the fact that I was a binge drinking party animal who was completely lonely and desperately wanted the life I have now.  But that's neither here nor there.

The truth is - that apartment was my sanctuary.  My little quiet corner of the world where I could let things get as messy as I wanted, watch bad reality television while eating bad fast food on the coffee table and stay in bed playing Guitar Hero until 3:00 in the afternoon.  

That part of living on my own?  That's the part that I miss sometimes.  

Craig and I were dating during the last year that I lived in that place.  Long story short (and really, it's not quite my story to tell) Craig was living with his mom at the time despite renting an apartment of his own in a city pretty far away from our school.  The drive from my place to school was a little far for him to do during the week so he mostly stayed over on the weekends.....and maybe a lot more than that during the summer.  We played house in that apartment.  I cooked him dinner.  He carried my trash down three flights of stairs.  We sat on the couch watching movies and playing Peggle, passing the computer back and forth between the two of us.  It was those moments - the completely lame Tuesday nights spent watching bad television and giggling - that I realized I could marry this man.  Not because he was sweeping me off my feet (although he did plenty of that at times) but because it was comfortable.  It was easy.  It just flowed.  

I wrote a blog a while back about missing the *MAGIC* of dating......more specifically.......of those times spent in my apartment just the two of us hanging out and doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  I thought I was the only one that missed those times.  I know that Craig has everything in his life right now that he has ever wanted.  He's got his wife and best friend, his beautiful daughter, a gorgeous home and even a crazy mutt.  I thought maybe I was the bad one - the one wishing we could revisit those carefree moments without the responsibilities weighing down our day to day life.

I was wrong.

On Monday the weather was great, we had a day off and after an acute PPD attack on Sunday night - Craig knew he needed to get us out of the house.  We headed to a local "town square" with lots of open space to stroll Natalie around as well as some fun window shopping.  One of my favorite stops?  Anthropologie.  Mmmm....the clothes aren't really my style (or my size) but I absolutely adore their quirky home goods. 

Specifically?  THESE.

Voluspa - French Cade and Lavender

Voluspa - Santiago Huckleberry

I've been around the block with candles.  I have tried everything.  Scentsy, Tyler, Yankee, Slatkin & Co.  You name it, it's burned in my house.  But these are my absolute, hands down, 110% favorite candles of all time.  I can't really put a finger on why I love them so much.  Maybe it's that they're not your "typical" candle fragrances.  Maybe it's that they're from Anthropologie, cost $18 and make me feel fancy.  

Or maybe it's because one whiff of either of these candles and I'm instantly back in that apartment.

French Cade and Lavender was in my bedroom and Santiago Huckleberry was in the living room and they both burned constantly.

I picked up French Cade and Lavender, popped open the tin lid and held it out to Craig to smell.  He sniffed and his blue eyes flickered up at me, twinkling furiously.  

"Your apartment," he smirked at me followed by a wink and then he was off strolling with Natalie.

Aha.  He did remember.

And now I sit here with tears in my eyes because in that moment I knew that he hasn't forgotten those days.  He hasn't forgotten falling in love with me.  He hasn't forgotten the woman that he fell in love with. 

I think I know what I'm getting him for our anniversary.

Just what every man wants - an $18 candle from Anthropologie.

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