Craig and I have started pricing different items to get a better view of what we should expect to spend, how many people we can afford to invite and what type of wedding we would like to have in general. My suggestions of Tahiti or Fiji for the honeymoon have both been shot down, as well as my frustrated decree of us getting married in Vegas over Spring Break.
The first few places that we have looked at, combined with the generalized quotes from friends and family have sent me into quite a tailspin. Not that I'm a cheapskate...I just like spending money on things that I can have right in front of me - like all those clothes in my closet and the several pairs of Nikes, Adidas and Pumas strewn across the floor.
But on a wedding?! I just can't wrap my head around it. I don't care how long we have to pay for everything and I don't care how much anybody's parents will contribute nor do I care how much of it Craig can take care of with his earning's from basketball. It's the principle of the matter.
I want to have a beautiful wedding with all our close friends and family, and I'm not trying to sound outrageously stingy or anything...it's just that since I acquired a mortgage, I'm having a little bit harder time parting with my hard earned money. I have never been in debt and I don't plan on staying in it for very long. We've got a little bit right now but it's just from stuff for the house and I've already made the decision that once these are paid off - that's it! No more debt.
So therefore, I'm not willing to stretch ourselves thin over one day. I just think about all the money that we're going to spend and all I can see is our air conditioner breaking and us having to suffer through the hot Texas summer because we can't pay to get it fixed!
Drastic and dramatic, I know...but I just like to imagine EVERY SINGLE possibility of what can happen. That way, I'm prepared for everything - good or bad. ;) My constant and irrational worrying drives Craig absolutely crazy. But I just don't like being caught off guard because that's when there's a possibility that I could lose control of the situation. And when you lose control of the situation or yourself...bad things happen. I guess if there's anything that Craig could really complain about me and my personality - it would be my constant cautiousness and worrying. And for those of you who knew me back in college...this might sound like a complete different person from the carefree girl that you knew. I sure did enjoy being young and not at all worried about the outcome of my decisions. But I don't think that I was really imagining that there were any bad outcomes to my decisions. I just did what I wanted and I got lucky that nothing bad ever happened. I think that it's only since then - since I've looked back in hindsight and seen the infinite possibilities of what COULD have happened to me during that time. I am damn lucky that I made it out of college alive with only a few bumps, bruises and scrapes - no major damage done.
Maybe it's my job. Maybe it was David. Maybe it's just the way my brain is wired. But whatever the reason - I'm a cautious person. It is really hard for me to revert back to that girl in college. I'm not the party girl anymore and I think sometimes Craig wishes that I would let my hair down and just.....relax...and not worry about the early morning meeting or what might happen if I lose control. Maybe I need to remind myself that he's my safe haven. He's the place that I can be myself and not worry about anything. He's the person that I know will always have my best interest at heart...he won't let anything bad happen. If there is anyone in this world that I can unwind and relax with, it should be with him.