Lifesavers

These questions were stolen (with love) from the "Waiting for the Day" blog of my mother's friend Molly.

1) Your lifesaving food/beverage.
A Starbucks Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte...it tastes so good...once it hits your lips. But if I can't get there, any regular coffee loaded up with Sweet N Low and creamer will do. If it weren't for coffee at 7:30 am, I don't think my 8th grade volleyball players would have like me as much.

2) Your lifesaving article of clothing.
As a strictly PE teacher this year, I have the luxury of dressing in athletic clothes everyday...all day. Not only are these clothes my personal preference because of the comfiness, they might literally save my life due to the fact that since I do teach PE, I virtually have no reason NOT to work out anymore. So...every Tuesday and Thursday during Fitness Day, I'm running, jumping, pushing up and crunching right along with my 6th graders.

3) Your lifesaving movie/book/tv show/music.
I have vivid childhood memories of sitting in the living room watching Rhett and Scarlet as my mother vacuumed the house around me, only pausing once in awhile to reflect on her favorite parts of the movie. Once grown, I would fall asleep alone in my apartment every night to the comforting bickering of Scarlett and her sisters. Finally I read the book and realized the reason I had so passionately loved the movie for all those years - Scarlett was a woman with vivaciousness and determination...she spoke her mind and did things HER way and not necessarily the way people expected her to do. She has such an incredibly flawed personality despite her physical beauty and I think that because she was so human was the reason I fell in love with her persona at such a young age.

4) Your lifesaving friend.He's my best friend and has loved me when I couldn't love myself.

5) Your lifesaving moment.My Europe trip without my parents was the most liberating experience and made me realize that I am independent and capable of doing things for myself and on my own.

Thoughts on Coaching...

Being a head coach is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be - I mean, I figured I would be busy creating and running practices, managing paperwork and teaching a new coach the intricities of a volleyball court but I hd noidea the time I would spend running over practices in my head, trying to figure out the best way to make my team better.

Coaching is a selfless job. In Craig's words - if it's a win, it's because the girls played well and if you lose, it's because you did a poor job coaching. I don't really "get" anything out of coaching middle school volleyball - there's no extra stipend if I win or go to the play-offs and nor is my name in the paper for having an unbreakable winning streak.

Middle school volleyball is strictly about the kids and maybe that's why it's so difficult for me when my team loses....which, by the way, we've been doing a lot of lately. I am a big believer in setting kids up for success, whether it's by their parents or in the classroom. Kids can only be as successful as the opportunities placed before them because they really are such a clean slate and learn strictly through experiences. If I don't give my players the opportunity to learn a new task that is going to help them win, then they won't be successful on the court.

And oftentimes what makes the difference in middle school teams being successful on the court is the off-season opportunities to play volleyball. Unfortunately, I left a school where 7 out of 12 girls on the current Division I team played club ball in the spring last year...and it shows. I am now at a school where only a few girls played club ball in the spring last year...and it shows. One of my new girls asked me today as we watched my old school dominate at the tournament: "Coach, do you wish that you were still coaching there? Be honest...because they're really good." Ooh...how does one answer that? Do I love to win...of course...I wouldn't be a coach if I wasn't an ambitious and competitive person. Would it have been nice to have a chance at winning the tournament today...well, yeah...especially for a first year head coach. But I also watched all the silly dances and cheers that my old girls did in the middle of the floor and I got disgusted. Were we that cocky when Beri and I coached together? Did other schools look at us in a mixture of disgust at the confidence, and jealousy at the talent? Or do those other schools know the deeper importance of what we are doing as coaches...and know that it truly isn't about the wins at this age, but instead about the lessons about teamwork, dedication and hard work that are learned? I'm not sure how I responded to my freckly-faced setter, but it was something along the lines of "no...I know I made the best decision for my relationship with my fiance."

I think the bottom line is that girls will come and go, talent will rise and fall...but the positive impact that this move has made on Craig and I will remain forever.

I love volleyball and I love the fact that I get to know the girls on such a deeper and more personal level than many of their other teachers because of the time that we spend together. I couldn't really tell you who I had for 8th grade English or 7th grade Science...but I can recite the names of almost all of my coaches: Coach Daniels, Coach Johnson, Coach Adams, Coach Saye, Coach Durham, Coach Honc and Coach DeBord. I know the potential impact that I have on these young ladies by what I say, how I act and how I interact with them. But I also know that, despite my love for the game and for impacting girls' lives...there will someday be a beautiful baby (or babies) that will come into my life that will wipe away every desire to spend long hours in a gym. Coaching is Craig's gift in this life...it is his passion and his challenge. It stimulates his mind - trying to figure out the other teams offense or defense and exactly how he is going to exploit every single ounce of it. I love watching him coach the young girls on his club team because he is so gentle with them...and I can always picture a little curly headed brunette with a ribbon in her hair standing in the huddle, ready to play for her daddy. Having said that, Craig comes to every one of my volleyball games and I think he gets a kick out of watching me get so animatedly excited when my girls do well. In a way, he has watched me grow from a wild child, fresh out of college with no "real world" experience into a (mostly) poised and mature woman capable of both running a volleyball program and hosting a delicious dinner party. I know he is proud of me and I know that he is supportive of this step that I have taken in my life, but I know that it's not forever...and I'm okay with that because I have faith that the next step, whenever it happens, will be much greater and more joy filled.

I coached with one woman named Beri for three years. Over the course of those three years of sitting the bench together, sharing Starbucks on Friday mornings and guarding the 1200 hallway of our middle school together during passing periods, we've shared many things and I think learned many life lessons together as well. She has taught me to choose my battles when dealing with students and how to set appropriate goals for different teams and to rejoice when those goals are met. The most recent lesson however, has been on a much deeper level. As teachers, we generally tend to be selfless and giving people who put other people first before asking anything for ourselves. During the hours of 7:30 and 5:30, Monday through Friday...it's not about me - it's about what the kids need and what do I have to do to make sure those needs are met. Therefore, as a single or married without children women, it is very easy to forget about ourselves or our families because there really isn't anyone who is being burdened or traumatized by our long hours. Once Beri found out that she was pregnant last December, I witnessed a remarkable change in her - immediately her first and foremost concern became her child, her health and her family. If she needed to take time off to take care of herself, she did. If there was a scheduling conflict between her family and school, school came second. Now that Craig, Angie and I are a family...she really inspired me to put the Cook-Nelson household first. Because at the end of the day, lessons...students...paperwork, it will all come and go but you only have one family in your life and if you neglect it, not only will you be miserable...but you could lose it. I'm not saying that now everything is about ME, but I certainly have learned where to draw the line. A few weeks ago I was running a 99.7 (and rapidly climbing) fever during the middle of the school day. Despite my tears that welled up in my eyes at the thought of missing that night's 8th grade volleyball game, once I left the building my only thought was taking care of myself. I think I've just realized that all the wins in the world will never be able to replace the joy I have when spending an evening sitting at the dinner table recounting the day's events with Craig followed by cuddle time with Angie.

Quick Bits

I am entering the third full week of the 09-10 school and so far, so good...except that I haven't had a whole lot of time to sit around and surf the internet, thus the slow blog posts. So here are some quick bits about what has been going on and what is coming up:

- We took our engagement pictures a week ago and it was a very interesting time. We started off at our school gym in capris/shorts and Aggie/UT shirts with volleyballs and basketballs...just kind of hanging out. I think we got some good shots in the bleachers and stuff, but I was so nervous the whole time - it's weird to not be able to check the picture immediately afterwards and then decide whether a "redo" is necessary. Angie behaved very well with Craig's mom and sister (who came along to baby-sit) and she even got in the bleachers and sat patiently to have her picture made. After that we moved onto the Riverwalk at Los Colinas where we wore nicer stuff and shot the more lovey-dovey pictures which were REALLY awkward. I don't think I've ever been that close to Craig's face...ever. All I did was giggle. I'm not sure how they'll turn out and we should be getting the pictures by the end of the week. Fingers crossed.

- My volleyball teams had their first games last week with 7th grade DII and DIII winning but my DI lost due to the other teams great serving and our terrible passing. Both 8th grade teams won in two games each which is exciting...until I talked to another coach and he said that the team we played wasn't that good. Oh. Well. Next week's game is against a much more solid team so that should give us a better picture of where we are at skill wise. I have been doing lots of boring passing drills with the 8th graders, which they HATE, but totally paid off last week because their passing looked stupendous. I promised them that this week we would start working on all the fun stuff - the net play, the hitting and the blocking. I have to pump myself up everyday to work with the 7th graders though. I have some great talent and potential on my team, but the girls tend to refuse to work hard or correct anything I tell them. Maybe it's just me, but after two weeks of telling someone to step with their left foot when serving...they shouldn't be surprised when I tell them again to step with their left foot. As well as battling their stubborness to change their form, we are also battling the attitude issue - when the buzzer sounds or you hear my voice, all talking should stop. I'm not being a Nazi in the gym...but that's the way it goes. We don't have much time to practice during the week and if we're wasting time transitition from drill to drill because we can't get quiet...there will be many push-ups done until the point is made. Good thing is...they're making the connection between sore arms and closing their mouth so that's good.

- Angie is doing okay with the change from summertime to the school year. Craig and I have gotten in a routine where he takes care of feeding her and putting her outside in the morning and letting her inside in the afternoon. She does stay outside all day with her water bowl and the gate to the pool closed. I think she's happier this way because she can potty when she needs to, she has space to stretch out and she can play along the fence with the neighbor dog. The only bad thing is that she gets upset when Craig is about to put her outside and she is still "leaking" out of defiance. Unfortunately, we can't make her do push-ups for that.

- We have a couple big thigs coming up that I'm looking forward to...the Kings of Leon concert on October 7th with Jennifer and Zach and then the big U2 concert the following Monday, October 12th. I loved U2 way before I started dating Craig, and I am totally excited about seeing them in concert (I can cross it off my bucket list) but I'm even more excited about watching CRAIG watch the concert. Craig is to U2 like I am to the Beatles. He isn't a guy that really "emotes" very often, but you can tell when he is singing along in the car to a U2 song that it means something to him...something more than just a great song.

- I will be taking my bridals on Septemer 27th in Deep Ellum. An odd choice for pictures of me in a stunningly beautiful dress, but there are some great bright walls and fantastically unique architecture out there that I think will make for great pieces of artwork. I have scheduled my hair and make-up with my old hairdresser out of Euless and if I like it, I might commission her to do my wedding hair and make-up as well as my bridal party stuff. The rest of the wedding planning is coming along. Right now it's just making sure we're paying stuff off every month (mainly the photographer and the honeymoon). I'm trying to get the Save-the-Date cards sent out but I had a hitch in my plans when my computer completely DIED the first week of school! Now that Craig has finished his list we are back on track and my goal is to have them sent out by Saturday, September 19th.

I think that's everything that's been going on lately. Craig and I have really enjoyed NOT working together - it's amazing the stuff we have to talk about at the dinner table each night!

Freedom at a Price

Drinking in college was what I considered "fun" at the time. Sunday through Wednesday was spent in recovery from the debauchery of the previous weekend and in anticipation of the surprises that the upcoming weekend held. It was carefree and careless. I can remember feeling so free at the time - like I could do anything at a moments notice or be whoever I chose for a particular night. From spontaneous road trips to Austin to four inch hot pink stilettos with a denim mini skirt...I thought I was living the ultimate life.

But little did I know that the freedom I felt during college was due to being chained to one thing. Alcohol was everyone's best friend and the ultimate party planner. No Alcohol? No party. He was a man of many names (Jose, Jack and McCormick were my favorites) and never let you down on a Friday night. He talked you into trying new things and becoming a new person. Alcohol convinced you he needed him to have a good time. And for most of the time with Alcohol as a classmate in college, nights with no memories just felt like innocent fun.

I'm not sure where or why my old friend turned on me or when our friendship went wrong, but shortly after college I realized that he no longer gave me the same feelings of freedom that he did during my four years on campus. Instead of relishing in the endless possibilities that life after college offered, I began focusing on the life that I didn't have but desperately wanted. Alcohol began convincing me that I needed him in my life even more because I was so incredibly unlovable that he was the only one who would always be there. He made me lie to my friends and put on a happy face while crumbling on the inside at the sight of their contentment with their own lives. No one knew how dangerous our relationship had become because we were still in the age of innocent fun. Twenty-three was still young, fresh and free! What worries were there to have on a Friday night with new friends and the ever present college buddy?

About a year and a half ago, I woke up and found myself looking at a person I didn't recognize. What had my old buddy done to the girl I once was? That confident, determined and vivacious girl my parent's had so lovingly raised had been swallowed whole by the false promises and deceptive lies told by Alcohol. For the first time in my life, my old friend wasn't looking so cool, so fun or so enticing.

My life has changed because of ending that friendship or maybe because I ended that friendship my life has changed. Either way it's really not a part of my life anymore because I have found contentment in myself. I don't have to rely on Alcohol to make me feel better about myself or to fill the void that was at one time so painfully present.

The break in our friendship hasn't always been easy. Although it has allowed me to form new friendships I think it might be creating divisions in old. I understand that Alcohol might not have this same relationship with everyone, but unfortunately this is the relationship that I had and regardless of any situation...I'm going to protect what I've built. Because from what I personally know of Alcohol, he likes to destroy who I am and anything good I believe about myself. I'm not willing to allow him into my life in that capacity ever again.

Because for the first time in many years...

I am content. I am happy. I am finally and truly free.

Making Progress

Last Sunday I woke up with the stark realization that my summer vacation was quickly coming to a close. In addition to being sad that my days out by the pool with various friends were numbered, I was freaking out that my Summer Wedding To-Do list was wildly incomplete. So last week was devoted to getting things done so that I could fully enjoy this upcoming week doing everything I loved about summer which just means sleeping in, going to afternoon movies and lying by the pool with a good book (currently it is The Time Traveler's Wife).

I have...
- taken my dress to the tailor and it will be ready for pick up on August 22nd.
- picked up and stored my hair piece at my mother's house.
- found and bought turquoise Steve Madden flats to wear under my dress and stored them at my mother's house so that I will not be tempted to wear them!
- tentatively picked out bridesmaid dresses.
- scheduled bridal and engagement photos as well as the locations.
- dropped off our Save the Date cards to be printed.
- ALMOST finalized the guest list (c'mon Craig!!!)

Next up is...
- picking up the Save the Dates, addressing envelopes and putting them in the mail by the end of the month.
- finding hair and make-up for my bridal portraits.
- updating our vendor and cost list for Craig to review and then make money saving and payment plans.

I think that's all I can accomplish for this summer...if I do much more I'll be wiped out before volleyball season even starts. Having said that, I'm very excited to get the school year rolling, although I will miss my lazy summer days. I know that the sooner school starts, the closer we are to the wedding.

Crossing Things Off

This wedding and the acquisition of Angie into our house has really brought out a different side of Craig. He is more open with his affection and love and also more in tune to making sure that both the ladies in his home are well taken care of. Case in point - last night Angie and I were cuddling in bed while I caught up on DVR and played The Sims on my computer. I was a bit down and Craig could tell that immediately when he came into the bedroom. After unloading on him about my looming To-Do list his first response was "What can I do?" and not in a whiny manner but instead in a way that truly meant "what can I do to relieve this stress of your shoulders and help you get a few things accomplished on your list?" So I set him upon contacting his Uncle Tim and finalizing our Save-The-Date cards. A little while later I was called into his Man Cave and presented with this:


His Uncle Tim had taken photos at our engagement party at the beginning of the summer and done a few artsy pictures with the prints. We asked him to put the necessary Save-The-Date info on there and voila! This is what he came up with! It is definitely even more amazing than I expected and I can't wait to send them out at the end of August. We're going to get them printed at a professional print shop (hopefully on stronger paper than just picture paper) and then stick magnets on the back. I'm going to buy some envelopes and clear labels and we will just print addresses onto labels and then stick them on the envelopes. It sounds like a lot of work, but I do tend to watch lots of DVR television and this is probably more productive than surfing Facebook or playing Flowerz through MSN games.
But before we can send them out we have to have addresses for people so we are in the process of finalizing that as well. I've send out emails begging for any of the remaining addresses I need and Craig has stepped up and filled out a bit of his list as well. Next thing that is up is getting lists from our mothers and then counting and proofing the lists before we start sending things out.
I also called my mom last night and I'm meeting up with her tomorrow to take my dress to be altered, to pick up my hair band for the wedding as well as look at and possibly try on and choose bridesmaid dresses. If I'm able to get all that stuff done tomorrow that will be another big weight off my shoulders.
I spoke with Craig last night about my frustration and worry about scheduling and picking places for the engagement photos and after some discussion, we came up with some great ideas.
- 1st Location: The duck pond by our house. There are some great landscapes for pictures by the pond with the fountain and the grass and maybe even some on the playground! We're also going to take Angie with us for some pictures because she is such a vital member of our family.
- 2nd Location: The school gym. If it wasn't for coaching and our school, we wouldn't have ever met and fallen in love. Sigh. So it seems fitting to take some pictures in there. I know it sounds strange, but I figured we could pull out the bleachers and get out some basketball and volleyballs.
- 3rd Location: Downtown Main St. Grapevine. This will probably be the majority of our pictures because there are so many great spots to take some really creative photos.
Now all I have to do is contact our photographer and make sure we can make it happen!
As for the other items on my To-Do list, Craig and I are moving me out of my classroom sometime today after I take Ms. Angie to the vet. Speaking of Angie, she has been doing extremely well since we got back from vacation. Whatever my parent's did with her during her stay with Grandaddy, Nonna and the cousins...worked. She hasn't peed or pooped inside, she lets us know when she has to go potty, she will get in her kennel on her own (if you plop her down right in front of it) and she completely understands SIT, STAY and NO. I think Angie has taught Craig and I a lot about "parenting" because we had all these plans for rules with our new dog but when we got her home we realized that she has her own ideas and needs which didn't necessarily jibe with our original plans for raising this dog. So we had to adjust our thinking on some things (the dog sleeps on our bed) but be more strict/vigilant on other things we hadn't originally thought would be a problem (outdoor potty training and submissive wetter). All in all, we've been able to create a dog that is obedient to what we expect in our house but at the same time still has the freedom to be her own person...or dog I suppose.

The End is Near

Holy crap.

Summer vacation has only a mere two weeks left.

Please someone - tell me what I did with almost two months off because now that I'm seeing the end of the summer I feel completely behind in the wedding planning that I thought I would get done. I truly anticipated having so much more accomplished but lying in the sun for days on end has the magical ability to warp your brain of any inspiration to move and be ambitious in any sort of way.

So here I am on the heels of a magnificant vacation in the Bahamas...almost feeling like I should already be married, but yet with still so much to get done. So I'm closing down the pool (at least for a few hours) and putting my nose to the grindstone to cross off a few more things on my list.

Here we go:

- Find the engagement picture CD and create our Save the Dates as well as print them off and stick magnets to the back.

- Gather guest list from our mothers and compile them with mine in an Excel spreadsheet. Stick a fire hot rod on Craig's butt to get him moving and completing his section of the guest list.

- Call Elizabeth's Bridal and check on the status of my hair *bling.*

- Take dress to get altered in shoulders (too big) and bodice (can't lose weight in ribcage).

- Pick a date to definitively go look at bridesmaid dresses and email bridesmaids about this event. Print off pictures from Amy to take with me when shopping.

- Call wedding photographer and set up dates to take engagement and bridal pictures. Must consult volleyball and basketball tournament schedules as well as my mother's calendar.

- Talk with Craig's mom about the flowers and confirm with florist as well as make a payment.

- On a completely different note...I need a haircut desperately! The ends of my hair are totally fried between my severe addiction to my straightener, the continuous sunbathing and swimming in salt and chlorine.

- Sometime I need to officially move out of my classroom as well as return my keys and work shirt.

That's everything I'm going to try to get taken care of next week and then the week after that I'm going to focus on making sure that I have everything prepared for my new job as the head volleyball coach.

Ugh...I just realized that summer really is over if I'm making To-Do lists...bummer.