When I was younger I had this "dream" about adulthood - that once you got to a certain age, your life was SETTLED and everything came somehow easier. I couldn't wait to get to that point in my life where I was coasting along free from traffic and noise, able to sit back and take in the scenery.
At almost thirty, I have realized that my vision of adulthood was just that - a dream that comes in no way close to reality.
Craig, Natalie and I are fairly "settled" in our little community with friends and family close by and we are each five minutes from our jobs and all the fun stuff we like to do. But in the past week, we've had the conversation "what if this isn't truly what we want or need in order to be fulfilled?" Followed up by "what do we both need in order to be fulfilled in our lives?"
I didn't quit coaching on a whim. It was a careful decision made after countless prayers, discussions and scenarios played out in my head. It forced me to reevaluate my priorities and the desires I have for myself and our family. It was a carefully constructed, analyzed and conscientious decision.
I thought this decision would also bring a sort of "settlement" to my family. I would teach 8th grade Math and come home after school to cook dinner, clean laundry and play with Natalie. Craig would spend the winter months coaching while I dutifully came to the games and cheered on the sidelines. We would put down our roots here in our little suburb outside the big city and possibly stay in the very first house we bought together before we were even engaged.
I thought we had a plan.
But as with everything in life, plans change...people change...desires change. So the wind is seeming to blow my little family in a different path right now and the best I can do is float along with it, hand in hand with Natalie and Craig, all the while knowing that winds can change and life will never be fully settled.