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Well, I'm beginning my fourth week of this little experiment of mine and things are definitely getting easier. It also helps that there was a severe lack of good looking men in the Uptown/Addison area last night.

I ran into some guys that I went to college with and who were in the same fraternity as my most significant ex-boyfriend.

The dreaded David.

He and I met at the beginning of our junior year of college and we dated for about a year and a half. When things were good, they were very, very good. But when things were bad, it was hell. In the end, I had to c0me to the realization that he loved alcohol more than me and that was a fact that was never going to change. In essence, I couldn't change him, I couldn't make him realize the kind of man that he could have been, I couldn't fight for his success more than he was fighting.

Anyways. It's been over for two years. My life has gone on. I've become a successful independent person. And, according to his fraternity brothers, he is still doing the same old thing. Drinking and becoming belligerent and alienating everyone close to him. Awesome. It's just sad. I put so much time and effort into trying to make him better and it was all for nothing. He's exactly the same. I put my entire self on hold for him. I wrote his papers. I should really have two degrees - education and kineisiology. How many nights did I wake up to and deal with his drunken rages on the phone or outside of my apartment window? I forgave him and gave him a second chance after he punched holes in my walls. And still, he didn't figure it out. At the end of the relationship I was devastated at the fact that I had really gone through all that hell with him. But, I held on to the fact that maybe I had saved another girl from the destruction that Drunken Hurricane David could produce. Apparently, I was very wrong.

It sucks that I had to go through this relationship because, although it will be two years in May that we broke up, I am still feeling the effects of the dysfunctional relationship that I had with him. I don't want to sit here and blame him for my lack of success with men since him, but at the same time...he really did some damage to my general outlook on and expectations of men and relationships. Thus, here I am taking six months off and blogging about it.

I'm not going to sit here and lie - being alone sucks. Especially when I look on myspace or facebook and I see pictures of my peers having weddings, going on trips with significant others and other stuff like that. They all look so damn happy. It's the little things that I feel like I'm missing out on. Do you know how tough it is to carry a trunk full of groceries up three flights of stairs? A couple weeks ago I was having horrible back pain and had to get an MRI. I went home to my apartment after my doctor's appointment, dreading the upcoming MRI and I had no one to be concerned about me. Obviously, I had my parents, my family and my friends...but as much as they love me...it's just not the same.

Unspecial

My parents are kind of a big deal. People KNOW them.

They've lived in this area when it was a playground for dinosaurs and they have attended the same Catholic church since Jesus himself was the priest. Needless to say, there are a LOT of people around town that can all chime in: "I remember Laura when she was knee high!" Awesome. So, when I am out with my mother and we run into somebody, I always get asked the same questions.

"So. What are you doing now?"
Easy. I teach. I enjoy it. I like the people I work with. The kids and parents have their moments, but overall, I give it two thumbs up. I like making money and spending it on myself.

Then there's the OTHER question to which I will quote from Sex and the City.

Happily Married Woman: "So. Are you seeing anyone special?"
Miranda: "Nope. No one special. But I am seeing a lot of UNspecial ones!"

I think I'm going to go with Miranda's answer on this question from now on.

Answering the dating question is so awkward. I feel like I'm some freak of nature or something. I mean, I'm attractive, smart, ambitious, and mildly funny...so...what's the problem? After every let down in dating a guy, I always think "What is so wrong with me that I am unlovable?"

All my friends are racing past me to adulthood, while I'm still putting my mom and dad as emergency contacts. It almost made me cry in the doctor's waiting room.

I just keep reminding myself...by waiting to get married, I'm really waiting for the bigger ring. :)

There's always a loophole

The first few days of my dating experiment went well. I have managed to adhere to all the rules and regulations that I posted earlier. Of course, it was pretty easy to do judging from the fact that every day, I woke up and went to work and then coached and came home and watched American Idol or something similar. I encountered my first major tempation last night at a birthday celebration at a local restaurant/bar. I went with some people from work and I was having a delightful time - some dinner, some drinks, some dancing and some good conversation.

And then he walked by. All 6'7" of him.

It was like being in the middle of the ocean and dying of thirst, yet there was only salt water to drink.

But back to the story. He was pretty, with a good build and definitely checking me out. I come to find out through later events that he is a professional baseball player.

*Please be advised that I have and still am suffering from an addiction to athletes, especially successful ones.

What is a girl to do? Well, he did get my number, but never called...which I think is probably better for my life in the long run.

It was an ego booster - it showed me that I don't have to pursue the men...in time, the right one will chase after me.

No Boys Allowed

To be the cheese means to stand alone, in all meanings of the word. All the girlfriends I have are either married or in committed relationships and I'm still guy hopping at the bar, and subsequently finding myself in a stream of meaningless, dead-end, dating relationships. I'm tired of unfulfilling interactions. I'm tired of wasting my time and I'm tired of the roller coaster of up and down emotions brought on by the initial excitement and then eventual let down of every guy. I've gotten motion sickness and I'm getting off the ride.

Thus my 6 month sabbatical from dating.

Men and relationships in my life have been like fast food. Quick, easy and good on the first bite, but always you a little sick and bloated a few hours later. In short, I'm on a dating diet.

So, I'll be standing alone for the next six months. Although I've lived on my own for a year, I've always had a guy to put together furniture and fix the DVD player. But, it's time that I suck it up and figure out how to hook up the machine myself. Unfortunately, unlike my DVD player, I have no user's manual for the next six months of my life. And since bets are being made on my success (or more accurately, my demise) I feel I should set some ground rules:

1) No blind dates, no getting set up, no group dates, no dates with ex's of any kind. I may go out IN a group with men, as long as there is no romantical interest
2) No physical activities
3) No picking up guys at bars. This is hard; it's so satisfying to bait a guys attention and reel him in. But all I've caught lately is a bunch o minnows.
4) Friendships are the key - I will develop friendships with men and allow them the opportunity to earn my trust and companionship.
5) Men will NOT e the major focus of my life - I have plenty of beautiful and fabulous friends to entertain me, as well as the gym and pool to keep me busy.

**I reserve the right to modify these rules at ANY time as long as it is in the interest of my six month campaign.

The bottom line of WHY I'm doing this, to answer all the open mouth stares I've received, is to truly become happy with myself and being alone by myself. And when I have successfully acheived that, I believe that I will be able to pass by the minnows and find the real catch.