Purgatory

I am in baby purgatory.  Something must be done about this.

See...we have meticulously stored all of Natalie's baby items (clothes, toys, supplies, etc) in the attic build out that is off of the upstairs playroom.  All her clothes are folded in bins and stacked up against the wall.  There is a car seat, her jumper, a few walkers and the Bumbo just sitting in that room, taking space while simultaneously mocking me...tempting me...forcing me to sit in this purgatory, a limbo of sorts.

Craig is pretty firm on the "no more babies" idea for a myriad of reasons - a little bit financial (two years away from NO car payments and NO day-care!) and a lot bit just the overall comfort level of our life right now (no sleepless nights, easy to get up and go, no diapers or bottles).  And for the most part I am right there with him.

But then there is the stuff in our pseudo-attic.

If we keep it around then it signals the idea that we're not really sold on this only-child thing and there is space to change our mind in the future.  But if we get rid of the big ticket items and I cut down the amount of clothes from her babyhood that I save, then it is pretty final that we are done having children.

I can't make either decision.  I hate having all that stuff in that room taking up good, usable space, but I also don't feel like I'm ready, at thirty years old, to say that I will never bear another child.  Either decision is just too, too....final.

And so it all sits there and I just keep the door closed.