Blank Horizon

I have always had a plan.

- Go to college. Check.
- Graduate with honors. Check.
- Get job at great school. Check.
- Buy new car and live on my own. Check.
- Be New Teacher of the Year. Almost check. I got close enough.
- Travel through Europe. Check.

I always knew what came next. It was always about the next adventure - whether it was graduating high school and going on to college. Or graduating college and getting a job. I was always obsessed with getting to that next level and doing it better than anyone else.

Well, I'm here. I'm in my second full year of teaching. I've got the job, I've got the accolades (new teacher of the year nomination and district championship), I've got the totally decorated apartment, I've got the decked out car, I've got the wardrobe full of clothes and shoes. And now that I've accomplished all my goals I think I'm bored. I don't have a new challenge on the horizon and it's frustrating. I am a competitive, ambitious and driven person. I don't know how to operate without climbing to the top of some new goal in my life.

But for all the good that attributes like being ambitious can be in one's life, why do I feel like I continually have to prove something? Why can't I just sit back, bask in the fact that I've accomplished so much at 24 and relax for a bit? What demons am I running from that I feel I always have to be accomplishing something in order to be a worthwhile human being?